Author: Anonymous Page 47

“Boy, I wish the elevator were working,” said Tom, staring up to the top.

Tom Swifties

I guess I threw a cog in the wrench.

Mixed metaphors

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you; tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

“I see,” said Tom icily.

Tom Swifties

Righteous Indignation: Your own wrath, as opposed to the shocking bad temper of others.

Anger Definitions Emotions

Diet: A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds.

Definitions Food/Drink

It was so cold… we had lunch at the "Greasy Spoon" – just for the heartburn.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Architects: People who now have to measure their patrons for the breakfast nook.

Definitions Occupations

If he fell into a pile of horse shit, he’d start looking for a pony.

Characteristics Expressions

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Activities Definitions

Diet: What helps a person gain weight more slowly.

Definitions Food/Drink

“Who goes there!” the soldier called out haltingly.

Tom Swifties

It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard.

Mixed metaphors

Wrinkles: Something other people have… you have character lines.

Appearance Body Definitions

“I like modern painting,” said Tom abstractly.

Tom Swifties

The guy just couldn’t cut the custard.

Mixed metaphors

Fobia: The fear of misspelled words.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather

Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Definitions Occupations

Dumbwaiter: One who asks if the kids would care to order dessert.

Definitions

Sleet: A slipcover.

Definitions Science/Weather