Author: Anonymous Page 47

Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.

Definitions Marriage

Flying saucers are just an optical conclusion.

Malaprops

Avoidance: A dance for people who hate each other.

Definitions

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Definitions Health

Wrinkles: Something other people have… you have character lines.

Appearance Body Definitions

Toupée: Top secret.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Reoriented: Sent back to China.

Definitions Wordplay

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

Definitions Marriage

I wouldn’t eat that with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

Beliefs Communication Language

Connoisseur: One who attains an obsessive knowledge of wines, audio equipment, cats or French cheeses so as to confer a sense of inadequacy on those who would simply enjoy them.

Definitions

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Definitions

Taxes: A funding method which allows people to test their powers of deduction.

Definitions Taxes

It was so cold… pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets to keep warm.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

To the max degree

Mixed metaphors

Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets

Expressions Fools Intelligence Stupidity

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Activities Definitions

Stroke: Any forward movement of the golf club that is made with the intention of hitting and moving the ball and is observed by another golfer.

Definitions Golf Sports

Education: What you have left over when you subtract what you’ve forgotten from what you learned.

Definitions Education

Politician: One who is willing to do anything on earth for the workers except become one.

Definitions Government Politicians

Bigamist: A man who who has had one too many.

Definitions Marriage