Author: Anonymous Page 47

Doubles: Tennis game played by athletic couples who wish to burn a few calories while arguing.

Definitions Sports

She's so fat… when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“Why don’t you have some fruit?”, asked Tom with aplomb.

Tom Swifties

Testosterone: Hormone which causes facial hair, muscularity, a deep voice, speeding tickets, the desire to watch professional wrestling, Arnold Shwarzenegger movies, war, fist fights, and the need to purchase cocktails for women with names like “Boom Boom. ”

Definitions Men

The ambition of every small boy is to wash his mother’s ears.

Children Family

Once you open a can of worms, they always come home to roost.

Mixed metaphors

You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.

Insults

Wedding License: A certificate that gives a woman the legal right to drive a man.

Definitions Marriage

As long as that dog hunts, we’ll ride him,

Mixed metaphors

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations

Harder’n baptizing a cat.

Expressions

“I’m falling into a void,” said Tom flawlessly.

Tom Swifties

Freudian Slip: When you say one thing but mean your mother.

Communication Definitions

They live so deep in the woods they kept possums as yard dogs.

Animals Expressions Places Situations

Boundary: In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of the other.

Definitions Places

“Now I can do some painting,” said Tom easily.

Tom Swifties

In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s pheasants.

Malaprops People Poverty

Jazz Musician: A juggler who uses harmonies instead of oranges.

Definitions Entertainment Music

Work: An unpopular way to earn money.

Definitions Work

“This wind is awful,” blustered Tom.

Tom Swifties