Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Thursday, April 3, 2025
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Author: Anonymous Page 47
Employment Agency: Where people are put in their place.
Anonymous
Definitions
Work
Employment Agency
Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.
Anonymous
Money
Occupations
Work
Cowboys
Consultation: A medical term meaning “share the wealth.”
Anonymous
Definitions
Consultation
She is so slow… she has to speed up to stop.
Anonymous
Exaggerations
Intelligence
Stupidity
She is so old… she's in God's year book.
Anonymous
Age
Exaggerations
Old
Efficiency Expert: A man smart enough to tell you how to run your business and too smart to start his own.
Anonymous
Definitions
Efficiency Expert
Right now, I couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a fistful of pardons.
Anonymous
Sex
Situations
Prison
Sinker: Lead weight attached to the end of a length of fishing line to facilitate the speedy disposal of unwanted lures.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Things
Fishing
Sinker
Keep your ear to the grapevine.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Middle Age: When your age starts to show around your middle the art of raising eyebrows instead of the roof.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Middle age
Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Auditor
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the
liar.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Lyre
He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Exaggerations
Fat
Troops: Expendable bodies sent by the government to stop bullets during obscure foreign uprisings.
Anonymous
Definitions
Military
Troops
Tennis: a racquet sport in which two players compete to see who has the shortest temper, the worst memory, the poorest eyesight, and the slowest watch.
Anonymous
Sports
Tennis
Automated: A couple making love in a car.
Anonymous
Definitions
Automated
Consultant: Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date.
Anonymous
Definitions
Consultant
“Dorothy, if you’re going to Oz again, I’m going with you,” Em barked.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Motel: A love-inn.
Anonymous
Definitions
Motel
Bachelor: One who treats all women as sequels.
Anonymous
Definitions
Bachelor
Bankruptcy: A fate worse than debt.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Bankruptcy
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