Author: Anonymous Page 47

Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.

Flying saucers are just an optical conclusion.

Avoidance: A dance for people who hate each other.

Handkerchief: Cold Storage.

Wrinkles: Something other people have… you have character lines.

Toupée: Top secret.

Reoriented: Sent back to China.

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

I wouldn’t eat that with a ten-foot pole.

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

Connoisseur: One who attains an obsessive knowledge of wines, audio equipment, cats or French cheeses so as to confer a sense of inadequacy on those who would simply enjoy them.

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Taxes: A funding method which allows people to test their powers of deduction.

It was so cold… pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets to keep warm.

To the max degree

Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets

Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.

Stroke: Any forward movement of the golf club that is made with the intention of hitting and moving the ball and is observed by another golfer.

Education: What you have left over when you subtract what you’ve forgotten from what you learned.

Politician: One who is willing to do anything on earth for the workers except become one.

Bigamist: A man who who has had one too many.