Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 47
Altar: Place where a man loses control of himself.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Altar
Flying saucers are just an optical
conclusion.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Illusion
Avoidance: A dance for people who hate each other.
Anonymous
Definitions
Avoidance
Handkerchief: Cold Storage.
Anonymous
Definitions
Health
Handkerchief
Wrinkles: Something other people have… you have character lines.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Definitions
Wrinkles
Toupée: Top secret.
Anonymous
Appearance
Definitions
Hair
Toupée
Reoriented: Sent back to China.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Reoriented
Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Newlywed
I wouldn’t eat that with a ten-foot pole.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Communication
Language
New Year's resolutions
Connoisseur: One who attains an obsessive knowledge of wines, audio equipment, cats or French cheeses so as to confer a sense of inadequacy on those who would simply enjoy them.
Anonymous
Definitions
Connoisseur
Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.
Anonymous
Definitions
Smile
Taxes: A funding method which allows people to test their powers of deduction.
Anonymous
Definitions
Taxes
It was so cold… pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets to keep warm.
Anonymous
Cold
Exaggerations
Science/Weather
To the max degree
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets
Anonymous
Expressions
Fools
Intelligence
Stupidity
Atrophy: An award given to those who do not exercise.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Atrophy
Stroke: Any forward movement of the golf club that is made with the intention of hitting and moving the ball and is observed by another golfer.
Anonymous
Definitions
Golf
Sports
Stroke
Education: What you have left over when you subtract what you’ve forgotten from what you learned.
Anonymous
Definitions
Education
Politician: One who is willing to do anything on earth for the workers except become one.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Politicians
Bigamist: A man who who has had one too many.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Bigamist
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