Author: Anonymous Page 47

Employment Agency: Where people are put in their place.

Definitions Work

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

Money Occupations Work

Consultation: A medical term meaning “share the wealth.”

Definitions

She is so slow… she has to speed up to stop.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

She is so old… she's in God's year book.

Age Exaggerations Old

Efficiency Expert: A man smart enough to tell you how to run your business and too smart to start his own.

Definitions

Right now, I couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a fistful of pardons.

Sex Situations

Sinker: Lead weight attached to the end of a length of fishing line to facilitate the speedy disposal of unwanted lures.

Activities Definitions Things

Keep your ear to the grapevine.

Mixed metaphors

Middle Age: When your age starts to show around your middle the art of raising eyebrows instead of the roof. 

Age Definitions

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

Malaprops

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Troops: Expendable bodies sent by the government to stop bullets during obscure foreign uprisings.

Definitions Military

Tennis: a racquet sport in which two players compete to see who has the shortest temper, the worst memory, the poorest eyesight, and the slowest watch.

Sports

Automated: A couple making love in a car.

Definitions

Consultant: Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date.

Definitions

“Dorothy, if you’re going to Oz again, I’m going with you,” Em barked.

Tom Swifties

Motel: A love-inn.

Definitions

Bachelor: One who treats all women as sequels.

Definitions

Bankruptcy: A fate worse than debt.

Definitions Money