Author: Anonymous Page 47

Employment Agency: Where people are put in their place.

Most anybody can be a cowboy, but it takes a damn genius to make money at it.

Consultation: A medical term meaning “share the wealth.”

She is so slow… she has to speed up to stop.

She is so old… she's in God's year book.

Efficiency Expert: A man smart enough to tell you how to run your business and too smart to start his own.

Right now, I couldn't get laid in a women's prison with a fistful of pardons.

Sinker: Lead weight attached to the end of a length of fishing line to facilitate the speedy disposal of unwanted lures.

Keep your ear to the grapevine.

Middle Age: When your age starts to show around your middle the art of raising eyebrows instead of the roof. 

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

Troops: Expendable bodies sent by the government to stop bullets during obscure foreign uprisings.

Tennis: a racquet sport in which two players compete to see who has the shortest temper, the worst memory, the poorest eyesight, and the slowest watch.

Automated: A couple making love in a car.

Consultant: Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can’t get a date.

“Dorothy, if you’re going to Oz again, I’m going with you,” Em barked.

Motel: A love-inn.

Bachelor: One who treats all women as sequels.

Bankruptcy: A fate worse than debt.