Author: Anonymous Page 48

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny; if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Food/Drink Men People Sex

Belong: To take your time.

Definitions

Imagination: What puts men in asylums unless they are crazy enough to put it down on paper or canvas.

Definitions

Vuja de: The feeling you've never been here.

Definitions

Taxpayer: A person who has the government on his payroll.

Definitions Government Taxes

A seven pound baby arrived last night to frighten the lives of Mr. and Mrs. Sherman Caswell.

Malaprops

Woman: A creature who is either making a fool out of man, or making a man out of a fool.

Definitions People

Warning: Dates in calendar are closer than they appear.

Time

“Another work week begins,” said Tom mundanely.

Tom Swifties

When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple “Calm down” in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.

Marriage Wives

Accomplice: One who lacks brains as well as honesty.

Definitions

“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.

Tom Swifties

“The exit is right there,” Tom pointed out.

Tom Swifties

Absence makes the heart go wander.

Malaprops

“I have no recollection of the last twenty-four hours,” said Tom lackadaisically.

Tom Swifties

Bank Robber: A guy who gets alarmed easily.

Definitions

Old Age: When you don’t recognize either the host or the musical guest on Saturday Night Live.

Age Definitions

A good idea is one that hits the other fellow with a bolt of envy.

Ideas Intelligence

Opportunist: One who goes ahead and does what you always planned to do. 

Definitions

“You find it very large?” said Mr. Podsnap, spaciously

Tom Swifties

“I insist on naming the first male insect”, said Tom adamantly.

Tom Swifties