Author: Anonymous Page 48

It's lonely at the top, but you eat better.

Food/Drink Money Success

Yawn: An honest opinion openly expressed.

Definitions Opinion

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Beliefs Sex

Clear Conscience: Poor memory.

Definitions

“I’m not myself, today,” said Tom, being frank.

Tom Swifties

Not to put her up on a limestone, but my sister is really terrific.

Misspokements

I’d like to be sitting in his shoes.

Mixed metaphors

Virginity is a balloon in the carnival of life, that vanishes with the first prick.

Sex

“I’m from Missouri,” Tom stated.

Tom Swifties

Hearsay: What toddlers do when anyone mutters a dirty word.

Communication Definitions Speech

Slander: To lie, or tell the truth, about someone.

Communication Definitions

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Characteristics

“I have writer’s block,” said Tom contritely.

Tom Swifties

Bragging: The patter of tiny feats.

Definitions

Bureaucracy: A system that enables ten men to do the work of one.

Definitions Government

We certainly don't want to rock the apple cart.

Mixed metaphors

Financial Wizard: A person who can earn money faster than the family can spend it.

Definitions Money

Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Definitions

Chaperoning: A spectator spoil-sport.

Definitions

Never say “Oops” always say “Ah, interesting!”

Communication Mistakes Problems Speech

He is so fat… when he joined Overeaters Anonymous and they make him a chapter.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat