Author: Anonymous Page 48

The coffee has burned my face! I'm going to be distorted!

Appearance Malaprops

Trombones: Bones in an orchestra.

Definitions

Hypochondria is the only disease I haven’t got.

Health

Incest is relatively boring.

Family Sex Wordplay

Selfishness: Annoying quality of someone who has what I want, but is not prepared to give it to me.

Definitions

“I’m waiting to see the doctor,” said Tom patiently.

Tom Swifties

Puritan: A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.

Definitions

You are not being diplomatic just because you put please in front of “Shut the hell up.”

Characteristics Situations

Happier than a pig in slop

Emotions Expressions Happiness

Nothing fixes a thing so intensely in the memory as the wish to forget it.

Intelligence Memory

“This wind is awful,” blustered Tom.

Tom Swifties

Conservative: A liberal who has just been mugged.

Beliefs Definitions

If you let that sort of thing go on, your bread and butter will be cut right out from under your feet.

Mixed metaphors

Umbrella: A movable roof.

Definitions Things

Race Track: Where thousands of people can get taken for a ride on the same horse.

Definitions

“This salmon is excellent,” said Tom superficially.

Tom Swifties

Before I start speaking, I'd like to say something.

Misspokements Speech

Etiquette: A convenient code of conduct which makes lying a virtue and snobbishness a righteous deed.

Definitions

Hospitality: The virtue which induces us to feed and lodge certain persons who are not in need of food and lodging.

Definitions

Loved Ben, hated Hur.

Reviews/Criticism

“This is mutiny!” said Tom bountifully.

Tom Swifties