Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Author: Anonymous Page 5
“I want a motorized bicycle,” Tom moped.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Go ahead, spew it off your chest.
Anonymous
Misspokements
Newborn Baby: Fresh heir.
Anonymous
Definitions
Newborn Baby
Exhaustion: Sufficient cause for the hospitalization of a celebrity – the normal state of existence for the rest of the working world.
Anonymous
Definitions
Exhaustion
He’s so chincy, he can call his every dollar by its first name.
Anonymous
Frugal
Miscellaneous
Money
Cheap
That e-mail was from Ann On.
Anonymous
Misspokements
A DJ reading an e-mail from “anon” (anonymous)
He was shaking like a 50¢ ladder.
Anonymous
Expressions
Nervous
Shaking
User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to its programmer.
Anonymous
Computers
Definitions
Things
User-Friendly
Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.
Anonymous
Definitions
Elections/Voting
Government
Electile Dysfunction
“Sesame,” said Tom openly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Grandmother: A babysitter who doesn’t hang around the refrigerator.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Babysitter
Grandmother
Bore: One who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself.
Anonymous
Definitions
Self
Bore
Conversation
Running around like children with their heads cut off
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Inflation: When nobody has enough money because everybody has too much.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Inflation
Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.
Anonymous
Definitions
Cannibal
You’re prettier than a spotted heifer in a pansy patch!
Anonymous
Appearance
Expressions
Cute
Pretty
Vegetable: A substance used to ballast a child’s plate while it’s carried to and from the table.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
“Your trousers have come apart!” was Tom’s unseemly comment.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
We should continue to ride the horse that brings in the gravy.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Bikini: Baiting Suit.
Anonymous
Clothing
Definitions
Bikini
… since God's dog was a pup
Anonymous
Expressions
Past
Time
A long time
a long time ago
Page 5 of 161
« First
« Previous
3
4
5
6
7
Next »
Last »