Author: Anonymous Page 5

“That’s more or less correct,” Tom said roughly.

Tom Swifties

Bureaucracy: The art of making the possible seem impossible.

Definitions

“I’ve gained thirty pounds,” said Tom heavily.

Tom Swifties

Puritan: A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.

Definitions

Umbilical Cord: Baby bungee.

Definitions

White Supremacists: The most convincing argument against the theory of white racial superiority.

Beliefs Definitions Intelligence People

The bigger the box, the bigger the things that won't fit in it.

Miscellaneous

The cost of the hairdo is directly related to the strength of the wind.

Appearance Hair Murphy’s Laws

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Activities Characteristics Exercise

Consultation: A medical term meaning “share the wealth.”

Definitions

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Definitions

Graffiti: Urban scrawl.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living.

Money

Amateur: One who is always willing to give you the benefit of his inexperience

People

If you don't like my opinion of you – improve yourself!

Beliefs Insults Opinion

You can’t go in there cold turkey with egg on your face.

Mixed metaphors

We had a longer holiday than usual this year because the school was closed for altercations.

Malaprops

“I’m mentioned in this book,” said Tom contentedly.

Tom Swifties

“Eating uranium makes me feel funny,” said Tom radiantly.

Tom Swifties

It's clear to see who makes the pants here.

Malaprops Marriage

Adolescence is the time in life when a youngster is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

Age