Author: Anonymous Page 5

Wedding License: A certificate that gives a woman the legal right to drive a man.

Shoplifter: A person with a gift of grab.

The ship of state has a difficult road ahead.

“There, there,” was Tom’s pat answer.

It was so cold… the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.

You'll get into hot water skating on thin ice!

Cat bathing is a martial art.

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Up a tree without a paddle

Acme: Spots on the top of your head.

Parking Space: A place occupied by someone already there.

“I’ve still got two fingers left,” said Tom handsomely.

Father’s Day: The annual day in June set aside so merchants can get rid of their leftover Christmas ties and shaving lotion.

We need to sit down and walk through some things.

She makes pancakes so thin they’ve got just one side to them.

“I don’t know any shanties,” said Tom unceasingly.

That'll stick out like a red herring.

Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

That dog was so lazy he leaned against a fence to bark.

“I’ll take that”, said Tom appropriately.