Author: Anonymous Page 5

There's many a pessimist who got that way by financing an optimist.

Characteristics Money

Electile Dysfunction: The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party.

Definitions Elections/Voting Government

Between closed walls

Mixed metaphors

Reckless Driver: One who passes you on the highway in spite of all you can do.

Definitions People

Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.

Definitions

Virus: A Latin medical term meaning, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Definitions Health

Democracy is mob rule, but with income taxes.

Democracy Government Taxes

She is so fat… she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Always try to be modest… and be VERY proud of it!

Characteristics

Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire… at least in a small way.

Definitions

Homer also wrote the Oddity.

Books Malaprops Reading/Writing

Vasectomy: Never having to say you’re sorry.

Definitions

I am sure I have done everything in my power since I exploded the affair.

Malaprops

A veritable land mine of valuable information.

Malaprops

Take the ball by the horns and run with it.

Mixed metaphors

Centenarian: A person who has lived to be one hundred years old. He never smoked or he smoked all his life. He used whiskey for eighty years or he never used it. He was a vegetarian or he wasn’t a vegetarian.

Age Definitions Old

The titles are listed on the movie theater marquis.

Entertainment Malaprops

“I want to date other women,” said Tom unsteadily.

Tom Swifties

Two in every one people in this country are schizophrenic.

People

I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.

Children Family

Some folks are so highly educated they can bore you on any subject.

Education