Author: Anonymous Page 50

Conference: A meeting at which people talk about what they should already be doing.

Definitions

She wears her heart up her sleeve.

Mixed metaphors

Looks like he’s been sortin’ wildcats.

Appearance Expressions

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather

Hypochondriac: One who enjoys poor health, then complains of feeling better.

Definitions Health

Kleenex: Your daily nose-paper.

Definitions

I can't answer that – it's out of my water.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m the butcher’s assistant,” said Tom cuttingly.

Tom Swifties

Logic: The art of going wrong with confidence.

Definitions

Communism: Liberation of the people from the burdens of liberty.

Definitions Government

He is so ugly… the psychiatrist makes him lie face down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

“Monaural and quadraphonic systems are exceptions,” said Tom stereotypically.

Tom Swifties

A wink is as good as a nod, to a blind horse.

Expressions

Opportunist: A person who, finding himself in hot water, decides he needs a bath anyway.

Definitions Situations

A heart as big as gold

Mixed metaphors

He clams up tighter than a drum.

Mixed metaphors

Selfishness: A state of mine.

Definitions

Ice Fishing: Winter fishing method in which anglers use a variety of specialized equipment to catch colds.

Definitions

Old Age: When you don’t recognize either the host or the musical guest on Saturday Night Live.

Age Definitions

Marriage: A process of finding out what sort of guy your wife would have preferred.

Definitions Marriage

Amateur: One who is always willing to give you the benefit of his inexperience

People