Author: Anonymous Page 50

She looked at me like a cow looking at a new gate.

Appearance Characteristics Expressions Intelligence

Wink: A whether signal.

Definitions

“I’m your mother’s brother’s father-in-law’s son,” Tom related.

Tom Swifties

Dollar: The jack of all trades.

Definitions

“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.

Tom Swifties

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

You go to a psychiatrist when you’re slightly cracked and keep going until you’re completely broke.

Occupations Work

He is so fat… when he ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Sinker: Lead weight attached to the end of a length of fishing line to facilitate the speedy disposal of unwanted lures.

Activities Definitions Things

Brassiere: A bust stop.

Clothing Definitions

I dropped the toothpaste,” said Tom, crestfallen.

Tom Swifties

“These bit patterns will be more readable in groups of 8,” said Tom bitingly.

Tom Swifties

“That city will never be rebuilt,” the prophets babble on.


Tom Swifties

He's the pineapple of politeness.

Malaprops

“That’s especially stupid!” said Tom superciliously.

Tom Swifties

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

Murphy’s Laws

Umbrella: A shelter for one and a shower for two.

Definitions Things

The discovery of the preserved bodies “breathed new life into” Arctic exploration.

Mixed metaphors

Know-it-all: One who pretends to know something about everything but really knows nothing about anything.

Definitions

Etiquette: Learning to yawn with your mouth closed.

Definitions

Genealogy: Chasing your own tale.

Definitions Family