Author: Anonymous Page 51

I’d sooner be in hell with my back broke.

Expressions Situations

Chip Shot: A short, low approach shot that gets a player into position for one or more missed puts.

Definitions Golf Sports

“It’s become much bigger,” said Tom with a groan.

Tom Swifties

It's as easy as falling off a piece of cake.

Mixed metaphors

“Doctor, why do you have to remove my womb?” asked Mary hysterically.

Tom Swifties

Wind: Weather on the go.

Definitions Science/Weather

Income: The sum of money which it costs more than to live.

Definitions Money

Skeptic: One who won’t take know for an answer.

Definitions People

He is so fat… when he steps on a scale, it reads "one at a time, please."

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“I presented my case to the judge,” Tom said briefly.

Tom Swifties

Mission Statement: A long, awkward sentence that demonstrates management’s inability to think clearly.

Definitions

Sarcasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Communication Definitions

He is so stupid… it takes him an hour to cook Minute Rice.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Childbirth: You get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, ‘focus… breathe… push…’

Definitions

Communist: One who has yearnings for equal division of unequal earnings.

Definitions

They live in a two-storage house.

Malaprops

“I was adopted,” said Tom transparently.

Tom Swifties

Now the shoe is on the other horse!

Mixed metaphors

Christmas: A warm, cheery two-month festival that celebrates the joy of retail merchandise.

Definitions

Bridge is the only game that bruises more shins than hockey.

Activities Games

Three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

Definitions Men Sex