Author: Anonymous Page 51

“The girl has been kidnapped,” said Tom mistakenly.

Tom Swifties

Theory: A hunch with a college education.

Definitions

Strip Teaser: One who makes a bare living.

Body Definitions Occupations

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Definitions Occupations

Communist: One who has yearnings for equal division of unequal earnings.

Definitions

If wishes were horses, some folks would need a lot of hay.

Miscellaneous

“OK, you can borrow it again,” Tom relented.

Tom Swifties

You can’t change the spots on an old dog.

Mixed metaphors

Blushing: The color of virtue.

Definitions

Baby: Nine months interest on a small deposit.

Children Definitions Family

Desertion: The poor man’s divorce.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

We were like two ships sinking in the night.

Malaprops

Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.

Characteristics

This snowball is coming down the mountain with a full head of steam.

Mixed metaphors

“Use your own hair brush,” Tom bristled.

Tom Swifties

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Government Politics

Tattoo: Permanent proof of temporary insanity.

Appearance Body Definitions

Puritan: A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.

Definitions

Heredity: What a man believes in until his son begins to behave like a delinquent.

Definitions Family

Manners: Noises you don’t make when eating soup.

Definitions

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships