Author: Anonymous Page 52

Invitro Fertilization: The innoculate conception.

Definitions

A sound mind and a sound body go hand in hand.

Mixed metaphors

“Some of my windows were broken in the storm,” he said, pained.

Tom Swifties

Umpire: The original strike arbitrator.

Definitions Wordplay

Garden: Something that dies if you don’t water it, and rots if you do.

Definitions

Youth: The first fifty years of your life… the first twenty of anyone else’s.

Age Definitions Young

Time: The arbitrary division of eternity.

Definitions Time

Gossip: Anything that goes in one ear and over the back fence.

Communication Definitions Speech

“I’ve mailed the letter,” Tom assented.

Tom Swifties

Executive Suite: A sugar daddy.

Definitions

“Will you quit rustling around in my closet!” said Leif.

Tom Swifties

We could stand here and talk until the cows turn blue.

Mixed metaphors

“It’s my maid’s night off,” said Tom helplessly.

Tom Swifties

Good Old Days: What people fifty years hence will be calling the present time.

Definitions Past Time

Etiquette is the noise you don’t make while having soup.

Characteristics

Adverse: Promotional jingle.

Definitions

It could turn on a dime like a stallion.

Mixed metaphors

“This oar is broken,” said Tom robustly.

Tom Swifties

“I think we were cheated,” Tom recounted.

Tom Swifties

Get the kinks rolling

Mixed metaphors

Sympathy: What one usually gives to a friend or relative when he doesn’t want to lend him money.

Definitions Emotions