Author: Anonymous Page 52

Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Definitions

Foot: A politician’s pacifier.

Definitions Politicians

You can take that to the bank and smoke it.

Mixed metaphors

If he fell into a pile of horse shit, he’d start looking for a pony.

Characteristics Expressions

Zoo: A place of refuge where wild animals are protected from people.

Animals Definitions Places

To avoid misunderstanding, I’ll stop speaking formal English and just use the binocular.

Communication Language Malaprops

I'd rather be rich than stupid.

Intelligence Money Stupidity Wealth

Alimony: The high cost of leaving.

Definitions Marriage

Status Quo: Latin for “the mess we’re in.”

Definitions Problems

“Let’s eat kosher tonight,” said Tom judiciously.

Tom Swifties

Convict: The only person who likes to be stopped in the middle of a sentence.

Crime Definitions

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Definitions

Not to put her up on a limestone, but my sister is really terrific.

Misspokements

“Can I go looking for the Grail again?” Tom requested.

Tom Swifties

Makes the hair stand up on the edge of my seat

Mixed metaphors

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

Twins: Infant replay.

Children Definitions Family

It is so hot… the trees are whistling for the dogs.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Housework Work

I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe.

Autos Science/Weather Situations Things