Author: Anonymous Page 53

That politician is so crooked he can hide behind a corkscrew.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

He is so fat… his high school graduation picture was an aerial photograph.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

He's like a cat out of water

Mixed metaphors

Sidesaddle: How men, rather than women, would ride in a truly logical world.

Definitions Men Women

He lies so bad he hires somebody to call his dogs.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty Lies

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

Intelligence

“The stock market’s going up,” said Tom bullishly.

Tom Swifties

“I presented my case to the judge,” Tom said briefly.

Tom Swifties

If you put his brain in a gnat's butt, it would fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

I thought it might be a good idea for you to check base with him.

Mixed metaphors

Adverse: Promotional jingle.

Definitions

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Computers Definitions Things

I disagree with unanimity.

Beliefs Opinion

Politician: One who shakes your hand before elections and your confidence after.

Definitions Politicians

It is so hot… I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Below: Sing Bass.

Definitions

Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,876 times a day.

Definitions

He’s so ugly his mother had to borrow a baby to take to church.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions

“I prefer trout to salmon,” Tom said officiously.

Tom Swifties