Author: Anonymous Page 53

Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.

Definitions

Abash: A high school graduation party.

Definitions

Logic: The art of going wrong with confidence.

Definitions

You can beat a dead horse to water, but you can't make him drink.

Mixed metaphors

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

Definitions Marriage

Teenagers: People who get hungry again before the dishes are even washed.

Age Definitions

He was from Thailand or some other erotic place.

Malaprops Places

Don't count your chickens until you see the whites of their eyes.

Mixed metaphors

Harpist: A plucky musician.

Definitions Entertainment Music Wordplay

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.

Places Situations World

“I love hot dogs,” said Tom with relish.

Tom Swifties

Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of,  and you're buying again.

Definitions Things

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Marriage

There's a traumatic difference between the two.

Malaprops

Astronomer: Night watchman.

Definitions Occupations

Amateur Athlete: An athlete who is paid in cash, not by check..

Definitions

He was as mad as a mule chewin' on bumblebees!

Miscellaneous

We wanted to help the indiguous people of the country.

Malaprops

We've howdied but we ain't shook yet.

Expressions

An Irishman is the only man in the world who will step over the bodies of a dozen naked women to get to a bottle of stout.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

Prophylactic: A rubber check.

Definitions