Author: Anonymous Page 53

He ain’t got enough sense to poor piss out of a boot.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Emotions Intelligence Laughter Thinking

Intuition: The sixth sense that allows a woman five wrong guesses.

Definitions Women

You are wise behind your ears.

Mixed metaphors

Conference: An organized way of postponing a decision.

Definitions

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Beliefs Sex

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work

I refuse to think of them as chin hairs; I think of them as stray eyebrows.

Appearance

“I make the armor out of chain links,” Tom replied by mail.

Tom Swifties

Aftermath: The horrible headache you have when you’ve finished the algebra test.

Definitions

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

Let’s start at square zero.

Mixed metaphors

You’ve buttered your bread, now lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

“Boy, that’s an ugly hippopotamus!” said Tom hypocritically.

Tom Swifties

Bachelor: A man who can get out of bed from either side.

Definitions Marriage Men People

Fad: Something that goes in one era and out the other.

Definitions

He is so ugly… when he walks into the bank they turn off the cameras.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

He’s one brick short of the whole nine yards.

Mixed metaphors

Gimme: An agreement between two duffer golfers who can’t putt.

Definitions Golf Sports

He's really low dog on the totem pole.

Mixed metaphors

“What’s the value of a dollar bill?” asked Tom noteworthily.

Tom Swifties