Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 54
“I wish I could remember the name of that card game,” said Tom wistfully.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“It’s the quotient of two integers,” said Tom rationally.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
If you could get it working I'd be
internally
grateful.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Eternally
“Let’s take a vacation in the south of France,” said Tom nicely.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Filing Cabinet: A place where you lose things alphabetically.
Anonymous
Definitions
Filing Cabinet
She is so stupid… she stared at an orange juice carton for twenty minutes because the label said "concentrate."
Anonymous
Exaggerations
Intelligence
Stupidity
Long road to hoe.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
If you let the cat out of the bag, how can you let sleeping dogs lie?
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
Anonymous
Definitions
Bull Market
Investing
Urinalysis: The study of pissed off people.
Anonymous
Definitions
Health
Wordplay
Urinalysis:The
Anesthetic: The painkiller that crazy women refuse during labor.
Anonymous
Definitions
Anesthetic
Childbirth
Labor
You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea.
Anonymous
Age
Ideas
Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
Anonymous
Beliefs
People
Uniqueness
Kill two birds with one egg
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.
Anonymous
Definitions
Emotions
Worry
“Do you buy and sell stolen goods?” asked Tom offensively.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Deep pockets… short arms
Anonymous
Expressions
When someone's just a looker and not a buyer
Isn't that an expensive
pendulum
round that woman's neck?
Anonymous
Malaprops
Pendant
Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Fishing
Puttering: Woman’s word for man’s work.
Anonymous
Definitions
Puttering
“I think I’ve broken my leg ”, reported Tom lamely.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
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