Author: Anonymous Page 54

Take Home Pay: An amount of money which is called that because it is never big enough to go anywhere else with it.

Definitions Money

Tell a man there are 300 billion stars in the universe and he'll believe you; tell him a bench has wet paint on it and he'll have to touch it to be sure.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

Younger Generation: A group that is alike in many disrespects.

Age Definitions People Young

Executive: A man who talks to visitors so the other employees can get their work done.

Definitions Occupations Work

Forget that guy – just illiterate him from your memory.

Malaprops

Post Operative: Letter carrier

Definitions

Showoff: A child who is more talented than yours.

Children Definitions Family

Court Of Law: A place where a suit is pressed and a man maybe taken to the cleaners.

Definitions Law

I got a run in my neon stockings.

Clothing Malaprops

“I wish I could remember the name of that card game,” said Tom wistfully.

Tom Swifties

She is so fat… she broke the family tree.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Now that the ball is in our court, let's go for the touchdown.

Mixed metaphors

Necking: A passion fancy.

Definitions

Misconception: A pregnancy occurring while taking birth control pills.

Definitions

Gorilla see, gorilla do.

Mixed metaphors

Caffeine: One of the four basic food groups.

Definitions Food/Drink

“I have to wear this cast for another six weeks,” said Tom disjointedly.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve run out of wool,” said Tom, knitting his brow.

Tom Swifties

“I really don’t like tending the garden,” he said witheringly.

Tom Swifties

Family Swimming Pool: A small body of water completely surrounded by other people’s children.

Definitions

They have come up with a perfect understanding; he won't try to run her life, and he won't try to run his, either.

Husbands Marriage Wives