Author: Anonymous Page 54

“I wish I could remember the name of that card game,” said Tom wistfully.

Tom Swifties

“It’s the quotient of two integers,” said Tom rationally.

Tom Swifties

If you could get it working I'd be internally grateful.

Malaprops

“Let’s take a vacation in the south of France,” said Tom nicely.

Tom Swifties

Filing Cabinet: A place where you lose things alphabetically.

Definitions

She is so stupid… she stared at an orange juice carton for twenty minutes because the label said "concentrate."

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Long road to hoe.

Mixed metaphors

If you let the cat out of the bag, how can you let sleeping dogs lie?

Mixed metaphors

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

Urinalysis: The study of pissed off people.

Definitions Health Wordplay

Anesthetic: The painkiller that crazy women refuse during labor.

Definitions

You can judge your age by the amount of pain you feel when you come in contact with a new idea.

Age Ideas

Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

Beliefs People

Kill two birds with one egg

Mixed metaphors

Worry: Interest paid on trouble before it falls due.

Definitions Emotions

“Do you buy and sell stolen goods?” asked Tom offensively.

Tom Swifties

Deep pockets… short arms

Expressions

Isn't that an expensive pendulum round that woman's neck?

Malaprops

Fishing: A venerable contest in which modern man pits his intelligence and technology against the native wit of primitive aquatic vertebrates, and generally finishes second.

Activities Definitions

Puttering: Woman’s word for man’s work.

Definitions

“I think I’ve broken my leg ”, reported Tom lamely.

Tom Swifties