Author: Anonymous Page 54

“It’s not fair!” said Tom darkly.

Tom Swifties

Durable Goods: Those that last longer than the time payments.

Definitions Things

We all have our own legs to pull.

Mixed metaphors

“You have the right to remain silent,” said Tom arrestingly.

Tom Swifties

Cat: A lap warmer with a built-in buzzer.

Animals Cats Definitions

Detour: The roughest distance between two points.

Activities Definitions Travel

I’m just talking out loud.

Mixed metaphors

Bored: To attend meetings.

Definitions

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

Ambition: Goaled rush.

Definitions

Farmer: A handy man with a sense of humus.

Definitions Wordplay

Kicking off the hockey season

Mixed metaphors

Arson: Fire caused by friction between the insurance policy and the mortgage.

Definitions

“I’m about to hit the golf ball,” Tom forewarned.

Tom Swifties

He ain’t got enough sense to poor piss out of a boot.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Worst case Ontario.

Malaprops

Makeup: What it takes to look natural.

Appearance Definitions

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: never repeat yourself.

Miscellaneous

Teenagers: People who express a burning drive to be different by dressing alike.

Age Definitions

What a messy house. How can they live in such squander.

Malaprops

It was so cold… when we milked the cows, we got ice cream.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather