Author: Anonymous Page 55

Half the people you know are below average.

Characteristics People

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Definitions

Editor: The fellow who makes a long story short.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

We certainly don't want to rock the apple cart.

Mixed metaphors

If you don't want someone to get your goat, don't let them know where it's tied.

Expressions

Perfume: What a woman hopes will make her the scenter of attention.

Definitions Wordplay

She’s so stupid… if you give her a penny for her thoughts, you'll get change back.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Brain: The apparatus with which we think we think.

Body Definitions

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

Definitions

Flatterer: one who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

Characteristics Communication People Speech

“This is the fastest way to get drunk,” said Tom quixotically.

Tom Swifties

“I’m shocked,” said Tom electrically.

Tom Swifties

Grasping at the straw that broke the camel's back

Mixed metaphors

Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught.

Activities Honesty Lies

Quadruplets: Four crying out loud.

Children Definitions Wordplay

“Has my magazine arrived?” Tom asked periodically.

Tom Swifties

The most dangerous killer in the animals of crime.

Malaprops

“I’d like to make a toast,” Tom said warmly.

Tom Swifties

Home: A place where man goes to raise a fuss because something went wrong at the office.

Definitions Places

Father’s Day: The annual day in June set aside so merchants can get rid of their leftover Christmas ties and shaving lotion.

Definitions Time

We're cooking on all four cylinders.

Mixed metaphors