Author: Anonymous Page 55

A journey of a thousand miles keeps the doctor away.

Mixed metaphors

Plumber: A drain surgeon.

Definitions Occupations

“This salad dressing has too much vinegar,” said Tom acidly.

Tom Swifties

He is so fat… his driver's license says, “picture continued on other side.”

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Aversion: One side of a disputed story.

Definitions

“I haven’t had any tooth decay yet,” said Tom precariously.

Tom Swifties

It's got lots of installation.

Appearance Clothing Malaprops

He used to kiss her on her lips, but it's all over now.

Situations

So dry the catfish are carrying canteens.

Exaggerations Science/Weather

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

They burnt the midnight candle to resolve the issues.

Mixed metaphors

Florists: Petal pushers.

Definitions

Air Travel: Seeing less and less of more and more.

Activities Definitions

You’d be a overweight neurotic fighter too if your name was Shirley Crabtree.

Sports

Antique: An object that has made a round trip to the attic.

Definitions Things

It takes a real talent to be able to apologize in a manner that makes the offended person feel guilty.

Characteristics Communication

Maps: The shorthand of geography.

Definitions

Taxpayer: One who doesn’t have to pass a civil service exam to work for the government.

Definitions Government Taxes Work

Men have two emotions: hungry and horny; if you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Food/Drink Men People Sex

Age: The time when everything hurts and what doesn’t hurt, doesn’t work.

Age Definitions Old

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Government Politics