Author: Anonymous Page 55

“I feel a draft,” Tom said coolly.

Tom Swifties

Time: The arbitrary division of eternity.

Definitions Time

Lawyer: Men whom we hire to protect us from lawyers.

Definitions Lawyers

I was so poor, I couldn't even pay attention.

Exaggerations Money Poverty

A plastic surgeon increases your face value.

Appearance

“I’ve borrowed my sister’s camping gear,” said Tom insistently.

Tom Swifties

Director: The one who always faces the music.

Definitions Music

Middle age is when we can do just as much as ever – but would rather not.

Age

There are no personal problems which cannot be solved through suitable application of high explosives.

Problems

He could wear a top hat and walk under a snake’s belly.

Expressions

“I have to fix the car,” said Tom mechanically.

Tom Swifties

Cat bathing is a martial art.

Animals Cats

Yankee: The same as a quickie, but you can do it by yourself.

Definitions

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Definitions Doctors Health

“What are these berries?” Tom rasped.

Tom Swifties

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common… they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Government Politicians

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

Bargain Hunter: One who is often led astray by false profits.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Ability: What will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Definitions

So cross-eyed he could look at his own head.

Miscellaneous