Author: Anonymous Page 56

Fiddler: A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso.

Definitions Entertainment Music

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

Characteristics God Life

According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men is they're a bunch of liars

Men People Women

He is so old… I told him to act his own age, and he died.

Age Exaggerations Old

“Everything Albert says is so obvious”, said Tom altruistically.

Tom Swifties

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

That’s a kettle of fish of a different color.

Mixed metaphors

“Would you like some soda?” asked Tom caustically.

Tom Swifties

Vice: A function to keep virtue within reasonable bounds.

Definitions

“Dorothy, if you’re going to Oz again, I’m going with you,” Em barked.

Tom Swifties

Hypochondria is the one disease I haven’t got.

Health

“It’s homemade soup,” said Tom uncannily.

Tom Swifties

Spinster: A lady in waiting.

Definitions People Women

I got a run in my neon stockings.

Clothing Malaprops

“No ellipses, parabolas or hyperbolas,” said Tom laconically.

Tom Swifties

It was so cold… we didn't clean the house – we just defrosted it.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Arthritis: Twinges in the hinges.

Definitions Health

Boxing: A mutual affliction of brain damage for the amusement of the public.

Boxing Definitions Sports

“I punched him in the stomach three times,” said Tom triumphantly.

Tom Swifties

Bridge: A game in which a wife is always eager to do her husband’s bidding.

Activities Definitions Games

Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.

Definitions Food/Drink