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Wisdom: Knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Diet: A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds.

Definitions Food/Drink

Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.

Definitions

Wind: Weather on the go.

Definitions Science/Weather

Chastity: Perhaps the most peculiar of all sexual aberrations.

Definitions Sex

I'm not the kind of person who wears his heart up his sleeve.

Malaprops

Hula Dancer: A shake in the grass.

Definitions

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Definitions Sex

Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Even a spotted pig looks black at night.

Expressions Situations

Expert: A person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

Definitions

You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.

Dating Relationships Situations

Trombones: Bones in an orchestra.

Definitions

“There must be a power cut,” said Tom delightedly.

Tom Swifties

He'll take your head off at the blink of a hat.

Mixed metaphors

When my dad was explaining the facts of life to me, he drew me a big diaphragm.

Malaprops

He’s a man without an island.

Mixed metaphors

“No ellipses, parabolas or hyperbolas,” said Tom laconically.

Tom Swifties

Gorilla see, gorilla do.

Mixed metaphors

Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Definitions Government Taxes