Author: Anonymous Page 56

I never liked him and I always will.

Insults

“The censors took all the dirty bits out of my show,” said Tom deludedly.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve got another @#$%*! insect in my pants”, said Tom adamantly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m burning aromatic substances,” said Tom, incensed.

Tom Swifties

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Life Proverbs

I wish people were like Internet videos and you could tap them lightly to see a clock of how much longer they’re going to be talking.

Communication People Speech

“That’s especially stupid!” said Tom superciliously.

Tom Swifties

Your being Sir Anthony's son, would itself be a sufficient accommodation.

Malaprops

“The prisoners set up a company,” the warden confirmed.

Tom Swifties

That'll stick out like a red herring.

Mixed metaphors

Oaf: An old fashioned jerk.

Definitions People

If you look like your passport photo, you’re too sick to travel.

Appearance

That room was so small you couldn’t cuss a cat without gettting fur in your mouth!

Expressions

Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Definitions Government Law

“Can I go looking for the Grail again?” Tom requested.

Tom Swifties

Nepotism: A form of favoritism – relatively speaking.

Definitions Family

Beauty parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.

Definitions

Brainstorm: To feign preparedness.

Definitions

He was recently diagnosed with prostrate cancer.

Health Malaprops

Whistle: Wind having a narrow escape.

Definitions

Running around like a chicken with its legs cut off

Mixed metaphors