Author: Anonymous Page 56

Waddya expect him to say, entray voose?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops

Reunion: When you meet people your own age who all look a lot older than you.

Definitions People

Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.

Definitions

Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Eskimos: God’s frozen people.

Definitions People

I suffer from a deviant septum.

Health Malaprops

It will have a special time on our plate.

Misspokements

Conscience: The voice that tells you not to do something after you have done it.

Definitions

Doctor: A guy who tells you if you don’t cut out something he’ll cut something out of you.

Definitions Doctors Health

“That’s nothing!” said Tom naughtily.

Tom Swifties

Men are like chocolate bars: sweet, smooth, and heading straight for your hips.

Food/Drink Men People

Politician: One who is willing to do anything on earth for the workers except become one.

Definitions Government Politicians

“I insist on naming the first male insect”, said Tom adamantly.

Tom Swifties

“That’s already been taken care of,” Tom pretended.

Tom Swifties

Xylophone: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums."

Definitions Entertainment Music

Don’t cast swine before bears.

Mixed metaphors

Obscenity is whatever gives the judge an erection.

Law Sex

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Problems Situations

Take time to stop and smell the tunnel at the end of the rainbow.

Mixed metaphors

Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty.

Mixed metaphors

If a job’s worth doing, make sure you delegate it to the right person.

Work