Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 56
Wisdom: Knowing when to speak your mind and when to mind your speech.
Anonymous
Definitions
Intelligence
Wisdom
Diet: A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Diet
Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.
Anonymous
Definitions
Campers
Mosquitoes
Wind: Weather on the go.
Anonymous
Definitions
Science/Weather
Wind
Chastity: Perhaps the most peculiar of all sexual aberrations.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sex
Chastity
I'm not the kind of person who wears his heart
up his sleeve.
Anonymous
Malaprops
On his sleeve
Hula Dancer: A shake in the grass.
Anonymous
Definitions
Hula Dancer
Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sex
Impregnable
Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Characteristics
Definitions
Even a spotted pig looks black at night.
Anonymous
Expressions
Situations
Things will look better in the morning
Expert: A person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.
Anonymous
Definitions
Expert
You have to kiss a lot of toads before you find a handsome prince.
Anonymous
Dating
Relationships
Situations
Trombones: Bones in an orchestra.
Anonymous
Definitions
Trombones
“There must be a power cut,” said Tom delightedly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
He'll take your head off at the blink of a hat.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
When my dad was explaining the facts of life to me, he drew me a big
diaphragm.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Diagrams
He’s a man without an island.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“No ellipses, parabolas or hyperbolas,” said Tom laconically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Gorilla see, gorilla do.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.
Anonymous
Beliefs
Characteristics
Definitions
Tolerance
Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Taxes
Taxation
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