Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Author: Anonymous Page 56
Waddya expect him to say,
entray voose?
Archie Bunker
Anonymous
television character,
All In the Family
(Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops
Enter
Entree vous
Reunion: When you meet people your own age who all look a lot older than you.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Reunion
Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.
Anonymous
Definitions
Consciousness
Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Diet
Eskimos: God’s frozen people.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Eskimos
I suffer from a
deviant
septum.
Anonymous
Health
Malaprops
Deviated
It will have a special time on our plate.
Anonymous
Misspokements
Conscience: The voice that tells you not to do something after you have done it.
Anonymous
Definitions
Conscience
Doctor: A guy who tells you if you don’t cut out something he’ll cut something out of you.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Health
“That’s nothing!” said Tom naughtily.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Men are like chocolate bars: sweet, smooth, and heading straight for your hips.
Anonymous
Food/Drink
Men
People
Chocolate
Hips
Politician: One who is willing to do anything on earth for the workers except become one.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Politicians
“I insist on naming the first male insect”, said Tom adamantly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“That’s already been taken care of,” Tom pretended.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Xylophone: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums."
Anonymous
Definitions
Entertainment
Music
Xylophone
Don’t cast swine before bears.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Obscenity is whatever gives the judge an erection.
Anonymous
Law
Sex
Erections
Judges
Obscenity
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Anonymous
Problems
Situations
Take time to stop and smell the tunnel at the end of the rainbow.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
If a job’s worth doing, make sure you delegate it to the right person.
Anonymous
Work
Delegating
Page 56 of 161
« First
« Previous
54
55
56
57
58
Next »
Last »