Author: Anonymous Page 57

“That young insect is female,” said Tom gallantly.

Tom Swifties

Oratory: The art of making deep noises from the chest sound like important messages from the brain.

Communication Definitions Speech

“My friend and I steal things together,” Tom corroborated.

Tom Swifties

Silence: Having nothing to say and saying it.

Communication Definitions Situations Speech

It's hotter than the hinges on the gates of hell.

Expressions Heat Science/Weather

Abort: To correct a misconception.

Definitions

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave.

People Sex

“Give me some Chinese food”, said Tom wantonly.

Tom Swifties

“Watch this insect sail through the air,” said Tom flippantly.

Tom Swifties

“Use your own toothbrush!” Tom bristled.

Tom Swifties

Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.

Definitions Occupations Work

He really grates me up the wrong way.

Mixed metaphors

If you understand English, press 1; if you do not understand English, press 2.

Communication Language Misspokements

He used to kiss her on her lips, but it's all over now.

Situations

Acupuncture: Waiting for a cure on pins and needles.

Miscellaneous

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening… but this wasn't it.

Situations

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Arms Situations Things

Snoring: Sound sleeping.

Definitions

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure.

Definitions Occupations Work

Dog: An intelligent four-footed animal who walks around with an idiot on the end of his leash.

Animals Definitions Dogs

A rolling stone is worth two in the bush.

Mixed metaphors