Author: Anonymous Page 57

Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.

Definitions

A year ago Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America; now he’s unknown throughout he world.

People

“Now no-one can detect my halitosis,” said Tom breathlessly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m just an ordinary soldier,” Tom admitted privately.

Tom Swifties

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

Age Appearance Definitions Hair

“I’ve never had a car accident,” said Tom recklessly.

Tom Swifties

Flattery is telling people exactly what they think of themselves.

Characteristics People Self

He clams up tighter than a drum.

Mixed metaphors

Dog: An intelligent four-footed animal who walks around with an idiot on the end of his leash.

Animals Definitions Dogs

Strapless Gown: A compromise between the law of decency and the law of gravity.

Clothing Definitions

I'll bet she has her clothes made by Orville, the tent maker.

Malaprops

English Channel: The BBC.

Definitions Entertainment Television

It was so cold… we didn't clean the house – we just defrosted it.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

Insults Intelligence

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things

You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.

Success

Fountain pen: A writing instrument that works marvelously in the store.

Definitions Things

Americans: People with more time-saving devices and less time than any other people in the world.

Definitions People

Oar: Clumsy wooden implement used to moisten boat occupants.

Definitions Things

Chivalry: A man’s inclination to defend a woman against every man but himself.

Definitions

My husband went to Radio Shack and got some dog ears for the TV.

Malaprops Television