Author: Anonymous Page 57

“Melinda broke my heart,” Tom said half-heartedly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m not myself, today,” said Tom, being frank.

Tom Swifties

Innocent Bystander: A person so simple-minded he doesn’t know enough to get out of the way.

Definitions

The trouble with most marriages is after she says ‘I do’, she won’t.

Marriage

“I told you not to ride that horse,” Tom nagged.

Tom Swifties

Flattery is telling people exactly what they think of themselves.

Characteristics People Self

Kinky is using a feather; perverted is using the whole chicken.

Sex

User-Friendly: Of or pertaining to any feature, device or concept that makes perfect sense to its programmer.

Computers Definitions Things

The United Nations is a good idea, but it’s a pity they have to have so many foreigners in it.

Government People

They try to balance a fine line.

Mixed metaphors

Diet: Something to take the starch out of you.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Many a man who misses an anniversary catches it later.

Marriage

“I am so one of the seven dwarfs!” he said grumpily.

Tom Swifties

Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.

Marriage

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

Things

Savages: People who don’t know what is wrong until missionaries show them.

Definitions People

“This boat is leaking,” said Tom balefully.

Tom Swifties

Armor: The kind of clothing worn by a man whose tailor is a blacksmith.

Clothing Definitions

Efficiency Expert: A man smart enough to tell you how to run your business and too smart to start his own.

Definitions

Jeans: Lower half of the international uniform of youth.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

He's a wolf in cheap clothing.

Malaprops