Author: Anonymous Page 58

“He’s a boring chap,” said Tom indulgently.

Tom Swifties

improvise

Tom Swifties

Childbirth: You get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, ‘focus… breathe… push…’

Definitions

Bureaucracy: A system that enables ten men to do the work of one.

Definitions Government

Optimist: An anti-skeptic.

Definitions

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Communication Language

“I’d like to make a toast,” Tom said warmly.

Tom Swifties

He is not the sharpest cookie in the jar.

Mixed metaphors

Bigamist: A man who makes the same mistake twice.

Definitions Marriage

“Let’s eat kosher tonight,” said Tom judiciously.

Tom Swifties

“I’m of greater value to you every day”, said Tom appreciatively.

Tom Swifties

Beer: The method of turning grain into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

Television: A watching machine.

Entertainment Television

Penicillin: What to give a man who has everything.

Definitions Health Wordplay

Desertion: The poor man’s divorce.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Gardening: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

Activities Definitions

No Exit: A sign indicating the most convenient way out of a building.

Definitions

I used to be indecisive… but I'm not sure.

Characteristics

There is no halftime for cheerleaders!

Activities Sports

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Eating humble crow

Misspokements