Author: Anonymous Page 59

“I have three houses, and I’m going to buy another,” said Tom forebodingly.

Tom Swifties

Dad says the monster is just a pigment of my imagination.

Malaprops

That’ll separate the men from the goats.

Mixed metaphors

Intuition: The strange instinct that tells a woman she is right whether she is or not.

Definitions Women

A day without sunshine is like… well, night.

Situations Time

State-Of-The-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.

Definitions

Wagging Tail: A happy ending.

Definitions

Diplomat: A person who can juggle a hot potato long enough for it to become a cold issue.

Definitions

Ability is what will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Success Work

Time: The arbitrary division of eternity.

Definitions Time

Average Man: A person who doesn’t want much, and usually gets a little less than that.

Definitions People

“The exit is right there,” Tom pointed out.

Tom Swifties

I won’t miss it one aorta!

Malaprops

“I love hot dogs,” said Tom with relish.

Tom Swifties

“Who is this Tom Swifty character anyway?” asked Tom unselfconsciously.

Tom Swifties

Booby Trap: A brassiere.

Definitions

“I compliment the company that makes the Macintosh computer,” said Tom applauding.

Tom Swifties

He is so poor… he can't even pay attention.

Exaggerations Money Poverty

We’re on the same page length.

Mixed metaphors

He is so stupid… it takes him 2 hours to watch 60 minutes.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Bureaucracy is based on a willingness to either pass the buck or spend it.

Government