Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 59
He’s still green behind the ears.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Minor Operation: One performed on someone else.
Anonymous
Definitions
Health
Minor Operation
“I had an accident in the kitchen,” said Tom with panache.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
When a man tells you that he got rich through hard work, ask him: 'whose?'
Anonymous
Money
Wealth
Work
After looking at the bill for my operation, I understand why doctors wear masks in the operating room.
Anonymous
Doctors
Health
“I’m not going to give up anything this Easter,” said Tom relentlessly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Food/Drink
Hot Dog
Fine Print: A clause for suspicion.
Anonymous
Definitions
Fine print
I wouldn’t eat that with a ten-foot pole.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“Monaural and quadraphonic systems are exceptions,” said Tom stereotypically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Make like a tree and head out.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“The radio reception is much better now,” said Tom ecstatically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Bigamist: A man who makes the same mistake twice.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Bigamist
“I am removing the lining of my gloves,” Tom deferred.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
An allowance is what you pay your children to live with you.
Anonymous
Children
Definitions
Family
Allowance
He knew how to butter his nest.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
I’m gonna dig in my feet on this one.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“I’m not myself, today,” said Tom, being frank.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
A stitch in time is worth a pound of cure.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“I only use one herb when I cook,” said Tom sagely.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“I’d like to make a toast,” Tom said warmly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
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