Author: Anonymous Page 6

Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.

Definitions Future Time

Taxes: A funding method which allows people to test their powers of deduction.

Definitions Taxes

Taking the bull with both feet

Mixed metaphors

Marriage is bliss… Ignorance is bliss… Ergo…

Emotions Happiness Marriage

His car is so expensive the radiator requires Perrier.

Autos Exaggerations Things

Vasectomy: Spoil the rod… spare the child.

Definitions

Appendix: A portion of a book, for which nobody yet has discovered any use.

Definitions

Cross-Eyed Teacher: A teacher that loses control over his or her pupils.

Definitions

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

Kicking off the hockey season

Mixed metaphors

Sunday School: A prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.

Definitions

“Parsley, sage, rosemary,” said Tom timelessly.

Tom Swifties

It is so hot… no shirt, no pants, no problem.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

If you are riding a high horse, there ain’t no way to get down off it gracefully.

Characteristics

Hook: Irritating but highly reliable device used to quickly locate the position of one’s thumb at the bottom of a tackle box.

Activities Definitions

Patience: The quality you admire in the driver behind you but can’t stand in the driver who’s in front of you.

Characteristics Definitions

Blurt: To speak the truth.

Definitions Speech

Keep your ear to the grindstone.

Mixed metaphors

Vaccination: An ouch of prevention.

Definitions Health

Misconception: A pregnancy occurring while taking birth control pills.

Definitions

You must have ears like an eagle.

Mixed metaphors