Author: Anonymous Page 6

“We can’t have this and eat it too,” said Tom archaically.

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

“That young insect is female,” said Tom gallantly.

“Here’s your allowance for the next two weeks,” Tom advanced.

Handicap: An allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.

“I’ve dug myself into a hole,” Tom said gravely.

Juvenile Delinquents: Other people’s children.

Admiral: A general at sea.

Damp weather is very hard on the sciences.

They're in the trenches; they're on the horse and they're riding it.

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

I dozed in and off.

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Tube Dress: A dress which is an extended boob tube.

Bridge: A game which gives women something to try to think about while they are talking.

Belly: The veranda over the toy shop.

If worse comes to shove

She’s not the brightest bulb in the drawer.

Originality: The art of concealing your source.

Confidence: What you have before you understand the problem.