Author: Anonymous Page 6

Husband: Someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Isn't it nice to not have to look over our backs anymore?

Mixed metaphors

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

Silicone Treatment: The bust that money can buy.

Appearance Body Definitions

It was so cold… the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

The menu was frozen in the amber of 1973.

Mixed metaphors

Americans: People with more time-saving devices and less time than any other people in the world.

Definitions People

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Beliefs Mistakes Murphy’s Laws Proverbs

“I can talk faster than you,” Tom expressed.

Tom Swifties

Death is nature’s way of saying “Howdy.”

Death

Ken already has a good repertoire with the waitress.

Malaprops

Breeding: Concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Definitions

Make like a tree and head out.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m going after that red fish,” said Tom erringly.

Tom Swifties

Woman: A creature who is either making a fool out of man, or making a man out of a fool.

Definitions People

Quartet: Four men, all of whom think that the other three can’t sing.

Definitions Entertainment

She has initiated and is very remorseful.

Characteristics Malaprops

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

Definitions Occupations Work

“I’ll take that”, said Tom appropriately.

Tom Swifties

“Everything Albert says is so obvious”, said Tom altruistically.

Tom Swifties

Altar: To change through marriage.

Definitions Marriage