Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 6
“We can’t have this and eat it too,” said Tom archaically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Definitions
Health
Liposuction
“That young insect is female,” said Tom gallantly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“Here’s your allowance for the next two weeks,” Tom advanced.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Handicap: An allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.
Anonymous
Definitions
Golf
Sports
Handicap
“I’ve dug myself into a hole,” Tom said gravely.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Juvenile Delinquents: Other people’s children.
Anonymous
Definitions
Juvenile Delinquents
Admiral: A general at sea.
Anonymous
Definitions
Military
Admiral
Damp weather is very hard on the
sciences.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Sinuses
They're in the trenches; they're on the horse and they're riding it.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Why is abbreviation such a long word?
Anonymous
Communication
Language
Abbreviation
Words
Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Distant Relative
I dozed in and off.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Truck Driver
Tube Dress: A dress which is an extended boob tube.
Anonymous
Clothing
Definitions
Tube Dress
Bridge: A game which gives women something to try to think about while they are talking.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Games
Bridge
Belly: The veranda over the toy shop.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Definitions
Belly
If worse comes to shove
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
She’s not the brightest bulb in the drawer.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Originality: The art of concealing your source.
Anonymous
Definitions
Originality
Confidence: What you have before you understand the problem.
Anonymous
Definitions
Confidence
Page 6 of 161
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