Author: Anonymous Page 6

“We can’t have this and eat it too,” said Tom archaically.

Tom Swifties

Liposuction: A surgical procedure from which the patient emerges significantly lighter in both pounds and dollars.

Appearance Body Definitions Health

“That young insect is female,” said Tom gallantly.

Tom Swifties

“Here’s your allowance for the next two weeks,” Tom advanced.

Tom Swifties

Handicap: An allocation of strokes on one or more holes that permits two golfers of very different ability to do equally poorly on the same course.

Definitions Golf Sports

“I’ve dug myself into a hole,” Tom said gravely.

Tom Swifties

Juvenile Delinquents: Other people’s children.

Definitions

Admiral: A general at sea.

Definitions Military

Damp weather is very hard on the sciences.

Malaprops

They're in the trenches; they're on the horse and they're riding it.

Mixed metaphors

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Communication Language

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

Definitions Family

I dozed in and off.

Mixed metaphors

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

Tube Dress: A dress which is an extended boob tube.

Clothing Definitions

Bridge: A game which gives women something to try to think about while they are talking.

Activities Definitions Games

Belly: The veranda over the toy shop.

Appearance Body Definitions

If worse comes to shove

Mixed metaphors

She’s not the brightest bulb in the drawer.

Mixed metaphors

Originality: The art of concealing your source.

Definitions

Confidence: What you have before you understand the problem.

Definitions