Author: Anonymous Page 6

“No, I won’t give you a note saying you’re excused,” said Tom unwaveringly.

Tom Swifties

Kiss: What the child gets free, the young man steals, and the old man buys.

Definitions

Beyond the question of a doubt

Mixed metaphors

Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Definitions Family

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Animals Definitions Eating Food/Drink

Tears: Remorse code.

Definitions Wordplay

“Let’s take a vacation in the south of France,” said Tom nicely.

Tom Swifties

She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

Characteristics Malaprops

“I’ve mailed the letter,” Tom assented.

Tom Swifties

Thingy: Female Interpretation: Any part under a car’s hood; Male Interpretation: The strap fastener on a woman’s bra.

Definitions Men Things Women

Luxury Resort: One where a waiter expects a $2 tip when he presents a $6 bill for serving a $3.50 bottle of beer.

Definitions

Many nations adopt a tit for tit policy.

Malaprops

“The pool player from USC had to drop out because the proper equipment didn’t arrive on time,” Tom calculated.

Tom Swifties

An alarm clock is built with a mechanism to scare the daylights into you.

Things

Love: The triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Definitions Emotions Love

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

“Have you seen my collection of ancient Chinese artifacts?” asked Tom charmingly.

Tom Swifties

“I will file a counter suit against you,” Tom retorted.

Tom Swifties

Tabloid: A screamlined newspaper.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

He clams up tighter than a drum.

Mixed metaphors

“I want a motorized bicycle,” Tom moped.

Tom Swifties