Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 60
“Why is this telephone flex always tangled?” asked Tom coyly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Bored: To attend meetings.
Anonymous
Definitions
Bored
“He’s a boring chap,” said Tom indulgently.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.
Anonymous
Life
Proverbs
Monday
The guy just couldn’t cut the custard.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Batteries
Flashlight
Dictator: A self-madman.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dictator
Diplomat: Someone who can lose all the points and still win the game.
Anonymous
Definitions
Diplomat
The squeeky wheel gets the worm.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.
Anonymous
Animals
Cats
Rejection
After-Dinner Speaker: A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them.
Anonymous
Definitions
After-Dinner Speaker
Vision: Looking farther than you can see.
Anonymous
Definitions
Intelligence
Thinking
Vision
She is so slow… she has to speed up to stop.
Anonymous
Exaggerations
Intelligence
Stupidity
“Who goes there!” the soldier called out haltingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.
Anonymous
Definitions
American Idealism
I once knew a woman who offered her honor, so I honored her offer, and all night long I was on her and off her.
Anonymous
Sex
Wordplay
Ambulance: A vehicle used to show lawyers where the accident is.
Anonymous
Definitions
Ambulance
“I want to be your best friend,” Tom said doggedly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Cartoon: What’s sung when driving your car.
Anonymous
Definitions
Cartoon
Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.
Anonymous
Divorce
Marriage
Alimony
“The censors took all the dirty bits out of my show,” said Tom deludedly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Page 60 of 161
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