Author: Anonymous Page 60

“Why is this telephone flex always tangled?” asked Tom coyly.

Tom Swifties

Bored: To attend meetings.

Definitions

“He’s a boring chap,” said Tom indulgently.

Tom Swifties

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Life Proverbs

The guy just couldn’t cut the custard.

Mixed metaphors

Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.

Definitions Things

Dictator: A self-madman.

Definitions

Diplomat: Someone who can lose all the points and still win the game.

Definitions

The squeeky wheel gets the worm.

Mixed metaphors

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

Animals Cats

After-Dinner Speaker: A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them.

Definitions

Vision: Looking farther than you can see.

Definitions Intelligence Thinking

She is so slow… she has to speed up to stop.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

“Who goes there!” the soldier called out haltingly.

Tom Swifties

American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.

Definitions

I once knew a woman who offered her honor, so I honored her offer, and all night long I was on her and off her.

Sex Wordplay

Ambulance: A vehicle used to show lawyers where the accident is.

Definitions

“I want to be your best friend,” Tom said doggedly.

Tom Swifties

Cartoon: What’s sung when driving your car.

Definitions

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Divorce Marriage

“The censors took all the dirty bits out of my show,” said Tom deludedly.

Tom Swifties