Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Author: Anonymous Page 60
Cartoon: What’s sung when driving your car.
Anonymous
Definitions
Cartoon
Major: Area of study that no longer interests you.
Anonymous
Definitions
Education
Learning
Major
It certainly wipes the floor with your usual commemorative tea towels.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Prince William and Kate commemorative fridge
The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.
Anonymous
Golf
Sports
Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.
Anonymous
Definitions
Vacation
“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
You can put the cart before the horse, but you can't make him drink.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.
Anonymous
Food/Drink
Marriage
Casseroles
Ultimatum: In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.
Anonymous
Definitions
Ultimatum
I have a lot of black sheep in my closet.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
The fan is gonna hit the roof.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Bore: A person who takes his time taking your time.
Anonymous
Definitions
Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.
Anonymous
Appearance
Definitions
Bald
Hair
Businessman: One who talks golf all morning at the office, and business all afternoon on the links.
Anonymous
Definitions
Golf
Occupations
Businessman
She’s so ugly… when she entered an ugly contest the judges said, "No professionals."
Anonymous
Appearance
Exaggerations
Ugly
As long as that dog hunts, we’ll ride him,
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Proud as a dog with two tails
Anonymous
Characteristics
Expressions
Proud
A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.
Anonymous
Alcohol
Food/Drink
Bartenders
Pharmacists
Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Law
Legal
Absolute Pitch: Completely dark.
Anonymous
Definitions
Absolute Pitch
Karma: Justice without the feeling of satisfaction.
Anonymous
Definitions
Karma
Page 60 of 161
« First
« Previous
58
59
60
61
62
Next »
Last »