Author: Anonymous Page 60

Disinheritance: Heir cut.

“You dance just like Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.

“This is mutiny!” said Tom bountifully.

Husband: Someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression that he just cleaned the whole house.

I looked to see what I could hear.

Chaperoning: A spectator spoil-sport.

Yardstick: One foot on each side and one in the middle.

Adolescence is the time in life when a youngster is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

An Irishman is not drunk as long as he still has a blade of grass to hang onto.

If wishes were horses, some folks would need a lot of hay.

“Cut it out!” said Tom sharply.

You've buttered your bread, now lie in it.

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad’s payroll – and on to his wife’s.

Guest towel: A small square of non-absorbent fabric surrounded by waterproof embroidery.

G String: Gownless evening strap.

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Adage: To become older.

“I invested in a hi-tech startup,” Tom ventured.

“I need a pencil sharpener,” said Tom bluntly.

Never lick a gift horse in the mouth.

He’s so crooked that when he dies, they’re going to have to screw him into the ground.