Author: Anonymous Page 60

Cartoon: What’s sung when driving your car.

Major: Area of study that no longer interests you.

It certainly wipes the floor with your usual commemorative tea towels.

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.

You can put the cart before the horse, but you can't make him drink.

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

Ultimatum: In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

I have a lot of black sheep in my closet.

The fan is gonna hit the roof.

Bore: A person who takes his time taking your time.

Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.

Businessman: One who talks golf all morning at the office, and business all afternoon on the links.

She’s so ugly… when she entered an ugly contest the judges said, "No professionals."

As long as that dog hunts, we’ll ride him,

Proud as a dog with two tails

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Absolute Pitch: Completely dark.

Karma: Justice without the feeling of satisfaction.