Author: Anonymous Page 60

“Why is this telephone flex always tangled?” asked Tom coyly.

Bored: To attend meetings.

“He’s a boring chap,” said Tom indulgently.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

The guy just couldn’t cut the custard.

Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.

Dictator: A self-madman.

Diplomat: Someone who can lose all the points and still win the game.

The squeeky wheel gets the worm.

For a man to truly understand rejection, he must first be ignored by a cat.

After-Dinner Speaker: A person who only has a few words to say, but seldom stops when he has said them.

Vision: Looking farther than you can see.

She is so slow… she has to speed up to stop.

“Who goes there!” the soldier called out haltingly.

American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.

I once knew a woman who offered her honor, so I honored her offer, and all night long I was on her and off her.

Ambulance: A vehicle used to show lawyers where the accident is.

“I want to be your best friend,” Tom said doggedly.

Cartoon: What’s sung when driving your car.

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

“The censors took all the dirty bits out of my show,” said Tom deludedly.