Author: Anonymous Page 60

Cartoon: What’s sung when driving your car.

Definitions

Major: Area of study that no longer interests you.

Definitions Education Learning

It certainly wipes the floor with your usual commemorative tea towels.

Mixed metaphors

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

Definitions

“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.

Tom Swifties

You can put the cart before the horse, but you can't make him drink.

Mixed metaphors

A good marriage is like a casserole, only those responsible for it really know what goes in it.

Food/Drink Marriage

Ultimatum: In diplomacy, a last demand before resorting to concessions.

Definitions

I have a lot of black sheep in my closet.

Mixed metaphors

The fan is gonna hit the roof.

Mixed metaphors

Bore: A person who takes his time taking your time.

Definitions

Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.

Appearance Definitions

Businessman: One who talks golf all morning at the office, and business all afternoon on the links.

Definitions Golf Occupations

She’s so ugly… when she entered an ugly contest the judges said, "No professionals."

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

As long as that dog hunts, we’ll ride him,

Mixed metaphors

Proud as a dog with two tails

Characteristics Expressions

A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory.

Alcohol Food/Drink

Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Definitions Government Law

Absolute Pitch: Completely dark.

Definitions

Karma: Justice without the feeling of satisfaction.

Definitions