Author: Anonymous Page 61

He is so fat… his blood type is Ragu.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“I know what herb would taste nice with this,” said Tom sagely.

Tom Swifties

She had a seashore disorder.

Health Malaprops

Step up to the plate and pick up the gauntlet.

Mixed metaphors

Punctuality: Waiting around for other people.

Definitions

It was not the apple on the tree but the pair on the ground that caused the trouble in the garden.

Beliefs People Religion Sex

Hindsight: What one experiences from changing too many diapers.

Definitions

Busier than a puppy in room full of rubber balls.

Expressions

Women: Can't live with 'em – can't live with 'em.

People Women

I like a lot of partisan cheese on my pizza.

Food/Drink Malaprops

Never judge a book by its title.

Mixed metaphors

B Flat: An apiary.

Definitions

Executive: An under-worked, over-paid person who is in over their head.

Definitions Occupations

State-Of-The-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.

Definitions

Good Sport: One who will always let you have your own way.

Definitions

Doctor: The only man who hasn’t a guaranteed cure for a cold.

Definitions Doctors Health

The shit’s gonna hit the stick.

Mixed metaphors

Harpist: A plucky musician.

Definitions Entertainment Music Wordplay

Philosopher: One who, instead of crying over spilt milk, consoles himself with the thought that it was over four-fifths water.

Definitions Occupations

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships