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Monarch: A king with a good publicity man.

Definitions

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

Beliefs Communication Language

Banker: A pawn broker with a manicure.

Definitions Occupations Work

Busier than a puppy in room full of rubber balls.

Expressions

Diet: The penalty for exceeding the feed limit.

Definitions Food/Drink

Taxpayer: One who doesn’t have to pass a civil service exam to work for the government.

Definitions Government Taxes Work

Interesting: A word a man uses to describe a woman who lets him do all the talking.

Communication Definitions Speech

99 times out of ten, that's what you'll get.

Mixed metaphors

My husband could have had any women he pleased – he just couldn't please any!

Husbands Marriage Women

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common… they should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

Government Politicians

“Rowing hurts my hands,” said Tom callously.

Tom Swifties

Youth: That brief period, as distinguished from childhood or middle age, when the sexes talk to each other at a party.

Age Definitions People Young

The lining's always more silver on the other side of the cloud.

Mixed metaphors

… has eaten into the grocery chain’s luxury food side.

Mixed metaphors

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Age Beliefs Honesty Lies

Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter.

Mixed metaphors

Gourmet: A food fetishist.

Cooking Definitions Food/Drink Occupations

“I’ve removed all the feathers from this chicken,” said Tom pluckily.

Tom Swifties

“Fire!” yelled Tom alarmingly.

Tom Swifties

All's well that ends.

Mixed metaphors

Obsolete: Any computer you own.

Computers Definitions Things