Author: Anonymous Page 61

Arithmetic: Being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.

Definitions

Bathing Suit: A garment cut to see level.

Appearance Clothing Definitions Wordplay

“Eating uranium can cause strange effects,” said Tom brightly.

Tom Swifties

I'm shooting from the seat of my pants.

Mixed metaphors

He clams up tighter than a drum.

Mixed metaphors

Abscond: To move in a mysterious way, commonly with the property of another.

Crime Definitions

Ambiguity: The lack of clarity in speech… or perhaps, something else.

Definitions

Executive Shakeup: Title wave.

Definitions

Parking Space: An unoccupied place on the other side of the street.

Definitions

“I don’t know any shanties,” said Tom unceasingly.

Tom Swifties

Vegetarian: Indian word for bad hunter.

Definitions

Puritan: A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.

Definitions

Archaeology is the science that proves you can’t keep a good man down.

Science/Weather Wordplay

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

Definitions

She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.

Appearance Body Expressions

“I am removing the lining of my gloves,” Tom deferred.

Tom Swifties

America: A land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, and won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.

America Definitions Places

The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

Sex

Waddya expect him to say, entray voose?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops

There are rules about riding a horse, but the horse won’t necessarily know them.

Animals

Average Man: A person who doesn’t want much, and usually gets a little less than that.

Definitions People