Author: Anonymous Page 62

It's a long road to hoe

Malaprops

He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.

Expressions

Retirement means twice as much husband on half as much money.

Marriage Money Wives Work

He breathes through his nose to keep from wearing out his teeth.

Expressions Frugal

“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.

Tom Swifties

Auction: A place where, if you aren’t careful, you’ll get something for nodding.

Definitions

Announce: Thirty grams or a sixteenth of a pound.

Definitions Wordplay

“I’m falling into a void,” said Tom flawlessly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.

Tom Swifties

He ran a cottage industry from his garden shed.

Mixed metaphors

We are beating a dead drum.

Mixed metaphors

You might think the Channel Islands are a backwater.

Mixed metaphors

The bigger the mouth, the better it looks shut.

Communication Speech

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

Eating humble crow

Misspokements

He’s a wolf in cheap clothing.

Malaprops

“We’ll need a higher price at auction,” Tom said morbidly.

Tom Swifties

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

We wanted to help the indiguous people of the country.

Malaprops

Ad Hoc: Pawn shop advertisement.

Definitions

He is so fat… when he gets in an elevator, it has to go down.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat