Author: Anonymous Page 62

Alibi: Slip cover.

Definitions

He knew how to butter his nest.

Mixed metaphors

Marriage: The mourning after the knot before.

Definitions Marriage

Sympathy: What one woman offers another in exchange for details.

Definitions

Hula Dancer: A shake in the grass.

Definitions

Their father is some kind of civil serpent.

Malaprops

The bottom line boils down to…

Mixed metaphors

Compromise: A deal in which two people get what neither of them wanted.

Definitions

“Employees are not permitted to have sex on company furniture,” Tom shouted, banging on the table.

Tom Swifties

Phillips Screwdriver: Used  to round off Phillips screw heads.

Definitions Things

Organic Farm: Tilling like it is.

Definitions

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

A heart as big as gold

Mixed metaphors

America is a country where half the money is spent buying food, and the other half is spent trying to lose weight.

America Food/Drink Places

She don’t have the sense God gave a gopher.

Miscellaneous

“Sorry, what I said was a no-brainer?” asked Tom absentmindedly.

Tom Swifties

Tact: The art of knowing how far one may go too far.

Communication Definitions

Motherhood: If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor.

Definitions

Dog: An intelligent four-footed animal who walks around with an idiot on the end of his leash.

Animals Definitions Dogs

He was as mad as a mule chewin' on bumblebees!

Miscellaneous

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Beliefs Communication