Author: Anonymous Page 62

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

Murphy’s Laws

Atomic Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Definitions

Spanking: To impress upon the mind from the bottom up.

Definitions

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Definitions Wordplay

“I might as well be dead,” Tom croaked.

Tom Swifties

Brainstorm: To feign preparedness.

Definitions

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Appearance Body Characteristics

Curve: The loveliest distance between two points.

Appearance Body Definitions

Politics: Where people work hard to get a job and do nothing after they get it.

Definitions Government Politics

Monogamy leaves a lot to be desired.

Marriage

Experience: A form of knowledge acquired only two ways: by doing and being done.

Definitions

Court Of Law: A place where a suit is pressed and a man maybe taken to the cleaners.

Definitions Law

“I lost my pants in the stock market,” Tom speculated.

Tom Swifties

There's more that one way to skin the cat out of the bag.

Mixed metaphors

She is so fat… when she turns around, people throw her a welcome back party.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

It was so cold… pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets to keep warm.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

A sandwich is an attempt to make both ends meat.

Food/Drink

Key Ring: A handy little gadget that allows you to lose all your keys at once.

Definitions Things

He is so dumb, blondes tell jokes about him.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships