Author: Anonymous Page 62

History: The version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.

Definitions History Time

Harp: A piano in the nude.

Definitions Entertainment Music Things

“Eating uranium makes me feel funny,” said Tom radiantly.

Tom Swifties

“Another plate of seafood for me!” Tom clamored.

Tom Swifties

Let's not put all of our cookies in a basket.

Mixed metaphors

Violinist: A high-strung musician.

Definitions Entertainment Music Wordplay

Hair dresser: Someone who is able to create a hair style you will never be able to duplicate again.

Definitions

“That’s especially stupid!” said Tom superciliously.

Tom Swifties

“Come up to my apartment,” Tom said flatly.

Tom Swifties

Scholarly Debate: Feud for thought.

Communication Definitions

The squeeky wheel gets the worm.

Mixed metaphors

“My bicycle wheel is damaged,” said Tom outspokenly.

Tom Swifties

I'd like to be a fish on the wall at that meeting.

Mixed metaphors

Monastery: Consecration camp.

Definitions Religion

Zigzag: The shortest distance between two drinks.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

He is so fat… people jump over him rather than go around.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

Epitaph: A belated advertisement for a line of goods that has been permanently discontinued.

Death Definitions

Ache: Joint concern.

Body Definitions

Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions Relationships

“All right – we’ll use a water solution”, Tom acquiesced.

Tom Swifties