Author: Anonymous Page 63

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

Sterile Solution: Vasectomy.

Definitions

Awe: Wow of silence.

Definitions

Sex is natural, but not if it's done right.

Sex

Father: An ATM provided by nature.

Definitions Family Fathers

Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Definitions Government Law

Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken.

Children Expressions Family

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Definitions Doctors Health

Out of the mouths of babes come things parents never should have said.

Children Communication Family Speech

“The optician probably doesn’t have my glasses ready yet,” Tom speculated.

Tom Swifties

“I punched him in the stomach three times,” said Tom triumphantly.

Tom Swifties

It sounds good on paper.

Ideas Intelligence Mixed metaphors

“I have been reading Voltaire,” Tom admitted candidly.

Tom Swifties

He is so poor… he can't even pay attention.

Exaggerations Money Poverty

A drunkard is like a whiskey-bottle, all neck and belly and no head.

Alcohol Food/Drink

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Characteristics Money

“Are you all governors?” Tom asked, bored.

Tom Swifties

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re probably broke.

Emotions Love Money

Bigamy is the only crime on the books where two rites make a wrong.

Marriage

I'm sweating like a bullet.

Mixed metaphors

Bureaucrat: A politician who has tenure.

Definitions Government Politicians