Author: Anonymous Page 63

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Age Beliefs Honesty Lies

Sociology: Journalism without news.

Definitions

She’s not the brightest bulb in the drawer.

Mixed metaphors

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

Wife Swapping: Sexual fourplay.

Definitions Marriage Sex Wordplay

“I wonder if there’s a number between seven and nine,” said Tom considerately.

Tom Swifties

“Ought I to do this?” asked Tom with a shudder.

Tom Swifties

She’s so stupid… if you give her a penny for her thoughts, you'll get change back.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Avoidable: What a bullfighter tries to do.

Definitions

Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Definitions Occupations

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Communication Mistakes Problems

That’s a kettle of fish of a different color.

Mixed metaphors

Prejudice: A great time-saver that enables one to form opinions without bothering to get the facts.

Definitions

Going fast while you are lost won't help a bit.

Science/Weather Situations

“I work at a bank,” said Tom tellingly.

Tom Swifties

The less a person knows, the more he wants to tell it.

Fools Intelligence

Tact: The art of saying nothing when there is nothing to say. 

Definitions

Desk: A waste basket with drawers.

Definitions Things

I can syncronize with those homeless people.

Malaprops

It's clear to see who makes the pants here.

Malaprops Marriage

Motherhood: If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor.

Definitions