Author: Anonymous Page 63

So short he has to stand on a box to kick a duck in the ass.

Appearance Body Expressions

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

Appearance Body Definitions

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Murphy’s Laws Situations

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Time

That will open up a whole new can of issues.

Mixed metaphors

Men are like parking spaces: the good ones are already taken and the ones left are either too small or disabled.

Men People

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs God Sex

Siamese Twins: First person plural.

Definitions People

Sales Resistance: The triumph of mind over patter.

Definitions

The record cover was a blank slate in 1939 at Columbia Records.

Mixed metaphors

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Definitions Occupations

Remember, Rome wasn’t burned an a day.

Mixed metaphors

Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay

“You have the right to remain silent,” said Tom arrestingly.

Tom Swifties

If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Situations

The most important decision is that of excepting Jesus in your life.

Malaprops

Jealousy: The tribute mediocrity pays to genius.

Characteristics Definitions

Amnesty: The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

Definitions

News: The same thing happening today that happened yesterday, but to different people.

Definitions

Politicians are like diapers; they both need changing regularly and for the same reason.

Government Politicians

The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but you still have to mow it.

Situations