Author: Anonymous Page 63

Life is too short to drink cheap beer.

Alcohol Food/Drink Life

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things

“So, it’s a duel you want!” Tom shot back.

Tom Swifties

Martial Arts: A family of Asiatic self-defense disciplines consisting largely of sweeping ornamental gestures of the arms and legs – amusing to look at but disappointingly ineffective when one’s opponent is armed with a semi-automatic.

Definitions

Crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory

Expressions

Obesity: A surplus gone to waist.

Appearance Body Definitions Fat Wordplay

What comes around, is all around.

Malaprops

Courtship: A man pursuing a woman until she catches him.

Dating Definitions Relationships

”..,” said Tom blankly.

Tom Swifties

That was the last hump on the camel.

Mixed metaphors

You're making a mountain out of a Mohawk.

Malaprops

Appendix: A portion of a book, for which nobody yet has discovered any use.

Definitions

Strapless Gown: A compromise between the law of decency and the law of gravity.

Clothing Definitions

Imagination: What puts men in asylums unless they are crazy enough to put it down on paper or canvas.

Definitions

It was so cold… politicians stopped blowing hot air.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Conference: A meeting at which people talk about what they should already be doing.

Definitions

“The exit is right there,” Tom pointed out.

Tom Swifties

“Why shouldn’t I stir my yoghurt with a ballpoint pen?” Tom bickered.

Tom Swifties

“Oops! There goes my hat!” said Tom off the top of his head.

Tom Swifties

Don’t bite the hand that looks dirty.

Mixed metaphors