Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
Home
About
Categories
Activities
Age
Animals
Appearance
Beliefs
Characteristics
Communication
Conflict
Death
Education
Emotions
Entertainment
Family
Food/Drink
Government
Health
Intelligence
Life
Marriage
Miscellaneous
Money
People
Places
Problems
Relationships
Science/Weather
Sex
Situations
Sports
Success
Things
Time
Work
Additional Categories
Book Titles
Confucius say
Definitions
Epitaphs
Exaggerations
Expressions
Hollywood Squares
Insults
Last Words
Murphy's Laws
Place Names
Proverbs
Reviews/Criticism
Song Titles
Tom Swifties
TV/Movie Quotes
Oops...
Bushisms
Church Bulletins
Classified Ads
Colemanballs
Headlines
Malaprops
Misspokements
Signs
Translations
Yogi-isms
Some Popular Authors
Abraham Lincoln
Alfred E. Neuman
Ambrose Bierce
Benjamin Franklin
Dave Barry
Demetri Martin
Dorothy Parker
Emo Phillips
George Carlin
Groucho Marx
H.L. Mencken
Homer Simpson
Jeff Foxworthy
Jimmy Carr
Joan Rivers
Mae West
Mark Twain
Mitch Hedberg
Oscar Wilde
Phyllis Diller
Richard Lewis
Rita Rudner
Rodney Dangerfield
Steven Wright
Stewart Francis
W.C. Fields
Will Rogers
Woody Allen
View All Authors
Author: Anonymous Page 63
So short he has to stand on a box to kick a duck in the ass.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Expressions
Height
Short
Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Definitions
Shin
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Anonymous
Murphy’s Laws
Situations
How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.
Anonymous
Time
Bathroom
That will open up a whole new can of issues.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Men are like parking spaces: the good ones are already taken and the ones left are either too small or disabled.
Anonymous
Men
People
Parking spaces
The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.
Anonymous
Beliefs
God
Sex
Atheists
Orgasms
Siamese Twins: First person plural.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Siamese twins
Sales Resistance: The triumph of mind over patter.
Anonymous
Definitions
Sales Resistance
The record cover was a blank slate in 1939 at Columbia Records.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Architect
Remember, Rome wasn’t burned an a day.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Archaeologist: A person whose career lies in ruins.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Wordplay
Archaeologist
“You have the right to remain silent,” said Tom arrestingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.
Anonymous
Death
Doctors
Health
Life
Situations
The most important decision is that of
excepting
Jesus in your life.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Accepting
Jealousy: The tribute mediocrity pays to genius.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Definitions
Jealousy
Amnesty: The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
Anonymous
Definitions
Amnesty
News: The same thing happening today that happened yesterday, but to different people.
Anonymous
Definitions
News
Politicians are like diapers; they both need changing regularly and for the same reason.
Anonymous
Government
Politicians
Diapers
The grass may be greener on the other side of the fence but you still have to mow it.
Anonymous
Situations
Page 63 of 161
« First
« Previous
61
62
63
64
65
Next »
Last »