Author: Anonymous Page 63

Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.

Definitions Occupations Work

Chance: The pseudonym of God when he does not want to sign.

Definitions

Tennis: a racquet sport in which two players compete to see who has the shortest temper, the worst memory, the poorest eyesight, and the slowest watch.

Sports

Don't bite the hand that lays the golden egg.

Mixed metaphors

It is so hot… I saw a chicken lay a fried egg.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Definitions Health

Diaper: A bum wrap.

Definitions

Skiing may be a winter activity, but some think of it as a fall sport.

Sports Wordplay

Camp: Where parents spend $1,000 for eight weeks to teach their child to make a 25-cent ash tray.

Definitions

“Here’s another baseball glove”, Tom admitted.

Tom Swifties

“I can’t be bothered,” said Tom carelessly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m going to lie in the sun,” said Tom in Basque.

Tom Swifties

The worst part about politics is that you're always right and no one ever knows it

Government Politics

“That’s more or less correct,” Tom said roughly.

Tom Swifties

Streams of pilgrims, old and young… flood towards the river to worship.

Mixed metaphors

Philosophy: A study which enables man to be unhappy more intelligently.

Definitions Happiness Intelligence

Educated Man: One who has finally discovered that there are some questions to which nobody has the answers.

Definitions Intelligence Wisdom

Four-wheel Drive: Getting stuck in more inaccessible places.

Definitions

Prophylactic: A rubber check.

Definitions

Eunuch: One who is cut off from temptation.

Body Definitions

Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

Miscellaneous