Author: Anonymous Page 64

… to love and to cherish, till death do us apart.

Malaprops

Bus: A vehicle that has empty seats when going in the opposite direction.

Definitions

Bargain: Something you can’t use, at a price you can’t resist.

Activities Definitions Shopping

We need to sit down and walk through some things.

Mixed metaphors

Marriage: The mourning after the knot before.

Definitions Marriage

“My garden needs another layer of mulch,” Tom repeated.

Tom Swifties

She’s not the brightest bulb in the drawer.

Mixed metaphors

“I wish I had something to write with,” Tom said pensively.

Tom Swifties

Ad Hoc: Pawn shop advertisement.

Definitions

Isn't that an expensive pendulum round that woman's neck?

Malaprops

She is so ugly… when she goes swimming the tide goes out.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Sport: War without killing.

Definitions

Home: A place where a man is free to say anything he pleases because no one pays any attention to him.

Definitions Places

She is so stupid… she took a blood test and failed.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Perfume: What a woman hopes will make her the scenter of attention.

Definitions Wordplay

“I don’t like going to museums,” he said artlessly.

Tom Swifties

He doesn’t have much of a reputation or so I’ve heard.

Beliefs Opinion

Kill two cats with one bag.

Mixed metaphors

Love: The triumph of imagination over intelligence.

Definitions Emotions Love

Poise: The act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.

Definitions

Scholarly Debate: Feud for thought.

Communication Definitions