Author: Anonymous Page 64

“I won’t play for this team any longer,” Tom decided.

Tom Swifties

Small Town: A place where everybody knows the troubles you’ve seen.

Definitions Places

Couldn't scratch his ass if he had a tiger in both hands.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

“I can take photographs if I want to!” Tom snapped.

Tom Swifties

Her business seems to be doing well; it must be very ludicrous.

Malaprops Money

“Why do you bother? I for one couldn’t….,” said Tom carelessly.

Tom Swifties

Keep your eye to the grindstone.

Malaprops

Makeup: Lipstick, eyeliner, blush which ironically makes Mom look better while making her young daughter look “like a tramp.”

Appearance Definitions

Make no delusions about the past!

Malaprops

Counterfeiter: A guy who gets into trouble by following a good example.

Definitions

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

Definitions Family

“No ellipses, parabolas or hyperbolas,” said Tom laconically.

Tom Swifties

We're cooking on all four cylinders.

Mixed metaphors

You're like a dog barking down the wrong well.

Mixed metaphors

… on hollowed ground

Malaprops

This is no longer just a bubbling brook.

Malaprops

“I like fuzzy bunnies”, gurgled Tom acutely.

Tom Swifties

“I have three houses, and I’m going to buy another,” said Tom forebodingly.

Tom Swifties

It's always darkest before dawn… so if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Beliefs

Honesty: The fear of being caught.

Characteristics Definitions

Originality: Undetected plagiarism.

Definitions