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Life: A sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate.

Definitions Life

Brassiere: A bust stop.

Clothing Definitions

Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

Definitions Science/Weather

“I’m going to be intestate,” said Tom unwillingly.

Tom Swifties

The crust of the problem

Malaprops

Alarm Clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.

Definitions Wordplay

Professor: A person whose job is to tell students how to solve the problems of life he avoided by becoming a professor.

Definitions Education

Good Old Days: What people fifty years hence will be calling the present time.

Definitions Past Time

“I’ve got sand in my dinner,” said Tom grittily.

Tom Swifties

Don't stand behind a coughing cow.

Miscellaneous Proverbs

Money roots out all evil.

Mixed metaphors

“I lost my trousers,” said Tom expansively.

Tom Swifties

It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard.

Mixed metaphors

She looked gorgeous in her new dress – absolutely explicit.

Malaprops

It was so cold… my shadow froze to the sidewalk.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Gentleman Farmer: One who has more hay in the bank thank in the barn.

Definitions

The squeeky wheel gets the worm.

Mixed metaphors

Specialist: A doctor whose patients are expected to confine their ailments to office hours.

Definitions Doctors Health

Let's make sure we're all talking off the same sheet of music.

Mixed metaphors

It's like ice cold electricity passing through your body.

Mixed metaphors

Dog: The only friend you can buy for money.

Animals Definitions Dogs