Author: Anonymous Page 65

Many a man who misses an anniversary catches it later.

Marriage

She don’t have the sense God gave a gopher.

Miscellaneous

It's as dark as the inside of a cow.

Expressions

Baker: A person who kneads the dough.

Definitions Occupations

Middle Age: That time of life when you'd rather not have a good time than recover from it. 

Age Definitions

Status Quo: Latin for “the mess we’re in.”

Definitions Problems

It's all Greek to a blind horse.

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve dug myself into a hole,” Tom said gravely.

Tom Swifties

“Everything Albert says is so obvious”, said Tom altruistically.

Tom Swifties

He was as mad as a mule chewing on bumblebees!

Miscellaneous

It would bring the public school system crumbling to its knees.

Mixed metaphors

“That just doesn’t add up,” said Tom, nonplussed.

Tom Swifties

Statistics: The only science that enables different experts using the same figures to draw different conclusions.

Definitions Science/Weather

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Love is blind… but marriage is the real eye-opener.

Emotions Love Marriage

Counsel: Advice with a price tag.

Definitions

Diet: A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds.

Definitions Food/Drink

You can put the cart before the horse, but you can't make him drink.

Mixed metaphors

He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Long road to hoe.

Mixed metaphors

I'm bone empty.

Mixed metaphors