Author: Anonymous Page 65

If you can't fix it with duct tape you haven’t used enough.

Problems Situations

“I wish I drove a Scandinavian car,” Tom sobbed.

Tom Swifties

Arithmetic: Being able to count up to twenty without taking off your shoes.

Definitions

A rolling stone kills no birds.

Mixed metaphors

When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.

Problems Situations

How does Teflon stick to the pan?

Science/Weather

Desertion: The poor man’s divorce.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

You can dish it out, but you can't take it with you.

Mixed metaphors

If you look like your passport photo, you’re too sick to travel.

Appearance

Windy as a hornet

Mixed metaphors

A gentleman never swears at his wife when ladies are present.

Characteristics Men People

“I can see through the window,” said Tom stiltedly.

Tom Swifties

Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

Definitions Science/Weather Taxes

It was so cold… I chipped a tooth on my soup.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

I.T.: Customer Support without the common sense.

Definitions

It was so cold… the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Rattle some feathers.

Mixed metaphors

I shot the wind out of his saddle.

Mixed metaphors

“Where’s my pants?” asked Tom briefly.

Tom Swifties

“This tooth extraction could take for ever,” said Tom with infinite wisdom.

Tom Swifties

Silence is bliss.

Mixed metaphors