Author: Anonymous Page 65

Marriage is the price men pay for sex, sex is the price women pay for marriage.

Marriage Men People Sex Women

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request your presents at the marriage of their daughter…

Malaprops

A horse divided against itself cannot stand.

Malaprops

He is so ugly… when he throws a boomerang it won’t come back.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Brainstorm: To feign preparedness.

Definitions

Let's do this in one foul sweep.

Malaprops

Gold Digger: A woman after all.

Definitions People Women Wordplay

“It’s my personal magnetism,” said Tom ironically.

Tom Swifties

As useless as a pocket on a cow

Expressions

Businessman: One who could have made more money with less trouble in an easier line.

Definitions Occupations

“You have the right to remain silent,” said Tom arrestingly.

Tom Swifties

“The roof is about to collapse”, Tom upheld.

Tom Swifties

Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Definitions Health

Democracy: A small hard core of common agreement, surrounded by a rich variety of individual difference.

Definitions Democracy Government

He couldn’t find his ass with a flashlight and a roadmap.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Communism: Liberation of the people from the burdens of liberty.

Definitions Government

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Food/Drink

Loved Ben, hated Hur.

Reviews/Criticism

Zoo: A place of refuge where wild animals are protected from people.

Animals Definitions Places

Bachelor: One who treats all women as sequels.

Definitions

Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Something wrong with your eyes?”

Age Definitions