Author: Anonymous Page 66

Tricycle: A tot rod.

Definitions

Dreams do come through.

Malaprops

Time may be a great healer, but’s it’s a lousy beautician.

Appearance Health Time

They're in the trenches; they're on the horse and they're riding it.

Mixed metaphors

Diet: selection of foods for people who are thick and tired of it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Accountant: One who uses your books to figure his profit.

Definitions Occupations

When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.

Dating Men People Sex Women

“So, it’s a duel you want!” Tom shot back.

Tom Swifties

Too many skeletons in her background

Mixed metaphors

Too slow to keep worms in a tin.

Intelligence People Stupidity

Punctuality: Waiting around for other people.

Definitions

Nail our fingers to the mast

Mixed metaphors

Heredity: What a man believes in until his son begins to behave like a delinquent.

Definitions Family

“I just came in through the door,” said Tom, entranced.

Tom Swifties

She couldn’t catch a cold if it had handles.

Expressions

It is so hot… I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

It looks like the cows have come home to roost.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.

Tom Swifties

Childbirth: You get to go through thirty-six hours of contractions; he gets to hold your hand and say, ‘focus… breathe… push…’

Definitions

Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Death Definitions

Psychiatrist: A head coach.

Definitions Doctors Health