Author: Anonymous Page 66

“The bank doesn’t want me as a customer,” said Tom unaccountably.

Tom Swifties

Forger: A man who is always ready to write a wrong.

Definitions

“All right, I will allow the prisoners to wear perfume,” the warden consented.

Tom Swifties

Can’t act… slightly bald… also dances.

Acting Dance Entertainment

You've put your finger right on the nail.

Mixed metaphors

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

Communication Language

A carpenter was the low rung on a totem pole.

Mixed metaphors

Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.

Definitions Men People

Dentist: A collector of old magazines.

Definitions Occupations

Dieting is not a piece of cake.

Food/Drink

Woodpecker: A knocking bird.

Definitions

Bigamist: A man who marries a beautiful girl and a good cook.

Definitions Marriage Wives

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request your presents at the marriage of their daughter…

Malaprops

Flood: A river too big for its bridges.

Definitions

That'll stick out like a red herring.

Mixed metaphors

“It’s not fair!” said Tom darkly.

Tom Swifties

Skeptic: One who won’t take know for an answer.

Definitions People

Diet: Something to take the starch out of you.

Definitions Eating Food/Drink

A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

Health

Yearbook: A book of pictures that get nerdier with time.

Definitions

She is so fat… she can't even jump to conclusions.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat