Author: Anonymous Page 67

She raped him in a blanket.

Malaprops Situations

It’s the best thing since sliced Spam.

Mixed metaphors

He could wear a top hat and walk under a snake’s belly.

Expressions

… prostate with grief

Malaprops

Coaching: Eliminating mistakes before you get fired.

Definitions

When it comes to paying, he’s the first to put his hand in his pocket… and leave it there.

Frugal Money

Senility: The pleasantly rueful experience of forgetting what we’ve forgotten.

Age Definitions Intelligence Memory Old

Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets

Expressions Fools Intelligence Stupidity

“Pass me the shellfish,” said Tom crabbily.

Tom Swifties

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

Work: An unpopular way to earn money.

Definitions Work

“This salad dressing has too much vinegar,” said Tom acidly.

Tom Swifties

“That’s the last time I’ll stick my arm in a lion’s mouth,” the lion-tamer said off-handedly.

Tom Swifties

Tact: The ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Definitions

“And to think I swallowed that lie, hook, line and sinker!” Tom gulped.

Tom Swifties

What comes around, is all around.

Malaprops

Sometimes you just have to let sleeping dogs fall where they may.

Mixed metaphors

I'm proud of my humility.

Characteristics

“Getting rid of acid is easy,” said Tom basically.

Tom Swifties

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

Definitions Money

Fruitcake: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions