Author: Anonymous Page 67

“I’m wearing my wedding ring”, said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

“I wouldn’t mind going with you to the tennis match,” she said gamely.

Tom Swifties

“Has my magazine arrived?” Tom asked periodically.

Tom Swifties

“I’m on the green,” Tom lied.

Tom Swifties

He don’t have a pot to piss in nor a window to throw it out of.

Miscellaneous

“I’m swimming in the middle of Paris!” shouted Tom insanely.

Tom Swifties

Adam wasn’t always the brightest tool.

Mixed metaphors

Fanatic: A man who does what God would do – if He only had the facts straight.

Definitions

Centimeter: A parking meter that takes pennies.

Definitions

Artist’s Model: A girl unsuited for her work.

Definitions

He’s wearing a tomahawk haircut.

Malaprops

Grandmother: A babysitter who doesn’t hang around the refrigerator.

Definitions Family

It's as easy as falling off a piece of cake.

Mixed metaphors

Abortion: Love's labor lost.

Definitions

Bachelor: A person who believes in life, liberty, and the happiness of pursuit.

Definitions Men People Relationships

“I presented my case to the judge,” Tom said briefly.

Tom Swifties

These hemorrhoids are a real pain in the neck.

Misspokements

Yankee: The same as a quickie, but you can do it by yourself.

Definitions

The hula dance is simple: you put some grass on one hip, some more grass on the other hip, and then you rotate the crops.

Dance Entertainment

Gifted Children: Unfortunate tykes who lack the good sense to hide their talents from overly ambitious parents.

Definitions Family

Indifference: A woman’s feeling towards a man, which is interpreted by the man as “playing hard to get.”

Definitions