Author: Anonymous Page 67

“By convention!” cussed Tom airily.

Tom Swifties

Many a man who misses an anniversary catches it later.

Marriage

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.

Girls People Wordplay

Alcatraz: A pen with a lifetime guarantee.

Definitions Wordplay

I’ll get it by hook or ladder.

Mixed metaphors

She grabbed the bull by the tail and faced the problem squarely.

Mixed metaphors

She is so stupid… when you said it was chilly outside she went and got a bowl.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Incest is relatively boring.

Family Sex Wordplay

“The roof is about to collapse”, Tom upheld.

Tom Swifties

Coaching: Eliminating mistakes before you get fired.

Definitions

Going fast while you are lost won't help a bit.

Science/Weather Situations

Babysitter: One who accepts hush money.

Definitions

I'm not a pessimist, I'm an optometrist.

Malaprops

The most important decision is that of excepting Jesus in your life.

Malaprops

“I haven’t had my photographs developed yet,” said Tom negatively.

Tom Swifties

It's like locking the barn door after the nuts have bolted.

Mixed metaphors

Window Screen: A device for keeping flies in the house.

Definitions Things

Poise: The act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.

Definitions

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

Definitions Marriage

“That young insect is male,” said Tom buoyantly.

Tom Swifties

Only in America can a homeless combat veteran live in a cardboard box whilst a draft dodger lives in the White House.

America Places Situations