Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 67
She
raped
him in a blanket.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Situations
Wrapped
It’s the best thing since sliced Spam.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
He could wear a top hat and walk under a snake’s belly.
Anonymous
Expressions
Dishonest
… prostate with grief
Anonymous
Malaprops
Prostrate
Tony Soprano
Coaching: Eliminating mistakes before you get fired.
Anonymous
Definitions
Coaching
When it comes to paying, he’s the first to put his hand in his pocket… and leave it there.
Anonymous
Frugal
Money
Senility: The pleasantly rueful experience of forgetting what we’ve forgotten.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Intelligence
Memory
Old
Senility
Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets
Anonymous
Expressions
Fools
Intelligence
Stupidity
“Pass me the shellfish,” said Tom crabbily.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Work: An unpopular way to earn money.
Anonymous
Definitions
Work
“This salad dressing has too much vinegar,” said Tom acidly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“That’s the last time I’ll stick my arm in a lion’s mouth,” the lion-tamer said off-handedly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Tact: The ability to describe others as they see themselves.
Anonymous
Definitions
Tact
“And to think I swallowed that lie, hook, line and sinker!” Tom gulped.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
What comes around, is all around.
Anonymous
Malaprops
What comes around goes around
Sometimes you just have to let sleeping dogs fall where they may.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
I'm proud of my humility.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Humility
Oxymorons
Pride
“Getting rid of acid is easy,” said Tom basically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Life insurance
Fruitcake: The gift that keeps on giving.
Anonymous
Definitions
Fruitcake
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