Author: Anonymous Page 67

She raped him in a blanket.

It’s the best thing since sliced Spam.

He could wear a top hat and walk under a snake’s belly.

… prostate with grief

Coaching: Eliminating mistakes before you get fired.

When it comes to paying, he’s the first to put his hand in his pocket… and leave it there.

Senility: The pleasantly rueful experience of forgetting what we’ve forgotten.

Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets

“Pass me the shellfish,” said Tom crabbily.

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Work: An unpopular way to earn money.

“This salad dressing has too much vinegar,” said Tom acidly.

“That’s the last time I’ll stick my arm in a lion’s mouth,” the lion-tamer said off-handedly.

Tact: The ability to describe others as they see themselves.

“And to think I swallowed that lie, hook, line and sinker!” Tom gulped.

What comes around, is all around.

Sometimes you just have to let sleeping dogs fall where they may.

I'm proud of my humility.

“Getting rid of acid is easy,” said Tom basically.

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

Fruitcake: The gift that keeps on giving.