Author: Anonymous Page 67

“Would you like to buy some cod?” asked Tom selfishly.

Tom Swifties

Coffee: Break fluid.

Definitions Food/Drink Wordplay

Gardener: A man who never lets grass grow under his feet.

Definitions

Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Definitions Things

Kin: An affliction of the blood.

Definitions Family

Vacation: Where you take the family to get away from it all, only to find it there, too.

Definitions

“I’m going to get a hair transplant,” said Tom baldly.

Tom Swifties

Campers: Nature’s way of feeding mosquitoes.

Definitions

“I’m of greater value to you every day”, said Tom appreciatively.

Tom Swifties

Abstainer: A weak person who yields to the temptation of denying himself a pleasure.

Definitions

She really stuck her neck out on a limb.

Mixed metaphors

What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?

Uncategorized

She don’t have the sense God gave a gopher.

Miscellaneous

Bachelor: A man who can get out of bed from either side.

Definitions Marriage Men People

The only difference between a “hair stylist” and a regular barber is the price.

Occupations Work

Apologize: To repeat an insult with variations.

Definitions

I won’t miss it one aorta!

Malaprops

She is so ugly… when she walked in to Taco Bell, everyone ran for the border.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Adam wasn’t always the brightest tool.

Mixed metaphors

Dark Ages: Knight time.

Definitions

“The optician probably doesn’t have my glasses ready yet,” Tom speculated.

Tom Swifties