Author: Anonymous Page 67

I’m getting up on my feedbox here.

Mixed metaphors

Synonym: A word you use when you can’t spell the other word.

Definitions Language

Senility: A cleansing of the mental blackboard shortly before class is dismissed.

Age Definitions Old

Clothes Dryer: An appliance designed to eat socks.

Definitions Things

Boss: A person who comes early to see who comes late.

Definitions Work

People who wear glass slippers shouldn't kick stones.

Mixed metaphors

They're in the trenches; they're on the horse and they're riding it.

Mixed metaphors

Cat bathing is a martial art.

Animals Cats

“The insect in William’s hand is wearing a yarmulka!” said Tom jubilantly.

Tom Swifties

“Everything Albert says is so obvious”, said Tom altruistically.

Tom Swifties

Forger: A man who is always ready to write a wrong.

Definitions

Durable Goods: Those that last longer than the time payments.

Definitions Things

He is so ugly… the psychiatrist makes him lie face down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age Definitions

Good Neighbor: One who makes his noise at the same time you make yours.

Definitions

Death: A breath-taking experience.

Death Definitions

Conscience gets a lot of credit that belongs to cold feet.

Characteristics

Consciousness: The annoying time between naps.

Definitions

Sociology: Journalism without news.

Definitions

Corporation: An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.

Definitions

They live in a beautiful apartment overlooking their rent.

Money Situations Things