Author: Anonymous Page 68

It's like a wizard in sheep's clothing.

Mixed metaphors

“I was absolutely vitrified,” said Tom with a glazed look.

Tom Swifties

Tears: Remorse code.

Definitions Wordplay

Tavern: Thirst come, thirst served.

Definitions Food/Drink

“I’ve been waiting to see the doctor,” said Tom patiently.

Tom Swifties

Everybody and his dog was there.

Expressions People

The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws Success

He couldn’t pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the heel.

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

She has a photogenic memory.

Malaprops Memory

Tax Reform: Taking the taxes off things that have been taxed in the past and putting taxes on things that haven’t been taxed before.

Definitions Government Taxes

Sabbatical: A Latin word meaning, “I quit, but you won’t know it for certain for a year.”

Definitions

Tomorrow: One of the greatest labor saving devices of today.

Definitions Future Time

Dentist: A collector of old magazines.

Definitions Occupations

Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Definitions

Marriage: A process of finding out what sort of guy your wife would have preferred.

Definitions Marriage

When my dad was explaining the facts of life to me, he drew me a big diaphragm.

Malaprops

Once the horse is out of the barn, you can't put him back again.

Mixed metaphors

The words “don't" and “isn’t” are contraptions.

Communication Language Malaprops

I was beaming at the seams!

Malaprops

Toupée: Top secret.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Keyboard: The standard way to generate computer errors.

Computers Definitions Things