Author: Anonymous Page 68

Flood: A river too big for its bridges.

Definitions

Vegetable: A substance used to ballast a child’s plate while it’s carried to and from the table.

Definitions Food/Drink

They’re clearly up the creek without a leg to stand on

Mixed metaphors

“I lost my trousers,” said Tom expansively.

Tom Swifties

Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.

Definitions Education

Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.

Definitions Things

I haven’t seen him for donkey’s ears!

Malaprops

Let’s get down to brass tax.

Malaprops Situations

She is so stupid… she can’t make ice without a recipe.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

He is so fat… when he ran away, they had to use all four sides of the milk carton.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“Bad marksmanship,” the hunter groused.

Tom Swifties

Post Office: U.S. Snail.

Communication Definitions

“A dog bit me,” said Tom rabidly.

Tom Swifties

“OK, you can borrow it again,” Tom relented.

Tom Swifties

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Definitions Politics

A liberal’s generosity is only limited by your income.

Beliefs Government

“The radio reception is much better now,” said Tom ecstatically.

Tom Swifties

Reunion: When you meet people your own age who all look a lot older than you.

Definitions People

Booby Trap: A brassiere.

Definitions

Will: A dead giveaway.

Death Definitions

“I don’t know any shanties,” said Tom unceasingly.

Tom Swifties