Author: Anonymous Page 68

Rugby: A game played by gentlemen with odd-shaped balls.

Definitions Sports

Subsidy: A formula devised by politicians to give you back some of your own money in such a way that you are supposed to think it’s a gift.

Definitions

Tavern: Thirst come, thirst served.

Definitions Food/Drink

Middle age: When a woman’s hair starts turning from gray to black.

Age Appearance Definitions Hair

Americans: People with more time-saving devices and less time than any other people in the world.

Definitions People

I'm flying by the edge of my seat.

Misspokements

Adolescence is the time in life when a youngster is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

Age Education

Bra: Decoration draped by your wife over the shower curtain rod in the bathroom.

Clothing Definitions

“My giant sea creature died,” Tom wailed blubberingly.

Tom Swifties

Oh, for I minute there, I thought I was illuminating.

Malaprops

Youth: A good substitute for experience.

Age Definitions Young

Run it up the flag pole and see what sticks.

Mixed metaphors

That’ll separate the men from the goats.

Mixed metaphors

[a rock group’s] authenticity strikes a chord with fans.

Mixed metaphors

I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

Communication Language Money

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

Crime Death Definitions Killing

Alliance: In international politics, the union of two thieves who have their hands so deeply inserted in each other’s pockets that hey cannot separately plunder a third.

Definitions Politics

Everyone has the right to be stupid but you’re abusing the priviledge.

Insults Intelligence

Fifty percent of people have a below-average understanding of statistics.

People Science/Weather

“I’d better repeat that SOS message,” said Tom remorsefully.

Tom Swifties

When it comes to giving—some people stop at nothing.

Characteristics Money People