Author: Anonymous Page 69

It was so cold… I chipped a tooth on my soup.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

“You don’t see the point, do you?” asked Tom, stabbing in the dark.

Tom Swifties

“I got in through the window after opening it with a crowbar,” said Tom enterprisingly.

Tom Swifties

This is unparalyzed in the state's history.

Malaprops

Graffiti: Urban scrawl.

Communication Definitions Reading/Writing

Life, liberty, and the pursuit of justice for all

Mixed metaphors

Transvestite: A guy who likes to eat, drink and be Mary!

People

“I make the armor out of chain links,” Tom replied by mail.

Tom Swifties

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

Definitions Money

Contract: An agreement to do something if nothing happens to prevent it.

Definitions

Karaoke: Japanese for “Drunk with Microphone.”

Definitions Entertainment

Good Breeding: That quality that enables a person to wait in well-mannered silence while the loudmouth gets the service.

Definitions

“I’m a broken man,” Tom cracked.

Tom Swifties

A vasectomy means never having to say you're sorry.

Health

Patience: The quality you admire in the driver behind you but can’t stand in the driver who’s in front of you.

Characteristics Definitions

Anything worth taking seriously is worth making fun of.

Communication

Beauty parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.

Definitions

He's going up and down like a metronome.

Malaprops

“I have to keep these eggs warm,” Tom said honestly.

Tom Swifties

A figure with curves always offers a lot of interesting angles.

Appearance Body People Women

“The exit is right there,” Tom pointed out.

Tom Swifties