Author: Anonymous Page 69

Nice Girl: One who whispers sweet nothing-doings in your ear.

Definitions

You go to a psychiatrist when you’re slightly cracked and keep going until you’re completely broke.

Occupations Work

Archive: Where the two bees stayed after Noah brought them aboard.

Definitions

Dignity: Something that can’t be preserved in alcohol.

Definitions

She’s suffering from a detached rectum.

Malaprops

handle him with kids’ gloves

Malaprops

Sympathizer: A fellow that’s for you as long as it doesn’t cost anything.

Definitions

Trick Photography: Focus pocus.

Definitions

Luxury Resort: One where a waiter expects a $2 tip when he presents a $6 bill for serving a $3.50 bottle of beer.

Definitions

Exhaustion: Sufficient cause for the hospitalization of a celebrity – the normal state of existence for the rest of the working world.

Definitions

English Channel: The BBC.

Definitions Entertainment Television

“I used to be a paratrooper,” Tom explained.

Tom Swifties

Four-wheel Drive: Getting stuck in more inaccessible places.

Definitions

I once knew a woman who offered her honor, so I honored her offer, and all night long I was on her and off her.

Sex Wordplay

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

Definitions Occupations

“2 bdrm furn w 5 appl”, said Tom aptly.

Tom Swifties

Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.

People

Cute as a duck in a hat.

Expressions

People who wear glass slippers shouldn't kick stones.

Mixed metaphors

He's the meanest man on the face of the universe.

Mixed metaphors

Loose lips sink like a rock.

Mixed metaphors