Author: Anonymous Page 69

Amusement Park: A walled city populated mainly by teenagers, who willingly pay to have their bodies and brains agitated on a variety of fiendish contraptions designed to induce vomiting.

Definitions

If you are going to get the grief, you might as well get the gravy.

Expressions

Arson: Fire caused by friction between the insurance policy and the mortgage.

Definitions

Window Shopping: Eye browsing.

Activities Definitions Shopping

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Life Proverbs

Skiing may be a winter activity, but some think of it as a fall sport.

Sports Wordplay

Peeping Tom: A window fan.

Definitions Wordplay

Waddya expect him to say, entray voose?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops

“I lost my trousers,” said Tom expansively.

Tom Swifties

“There, there,” was Tom’s pat answer.

Tom Swifties

Manners: Noises you don’t make when eating soup.

Definitions

Makeup: What it takes to look natural.

Appearance Definitions

Depression: A period in which you have no belt to tighten.

Definitions Frugal Money

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Too many people are ready to carry the stool when the piano needs to be moved.

Work

Men are like textbooks: you have to spend a lot of time between the covers to gain a small amount of satisfaction.

Books Education Men People Reading/Writing

“Sesame,” said Tom openly.

Tom Swifties

Housewarming: The last call for wedding presents.

Definitions

These hemorrhoids are a real pain in the neck.

Misspokements

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Definitions Wordplay

If you are riding a high horse, there ain’t no way to get down off it gracefully.

Characteristics