Author: Anonymous Page 69

Artist’s Model: A girl unsuited for her work.

Definitions

Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of,  and you're buying again.

Definitions Things

“For what we are about to receive, may the Lord make us truly thankful,” said Tom gracefully.

Tom Swifties

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Definitions

We had a longer holiday than usual this year because the school was closed for altercations.

Malaprops

That tickled my fancy bone.

Mixed metaphors

“I’ve thought of another exception,” Tom rebutted.

Tom Swifties

As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.

Education Religion School

I am sorry to say that my affluence over my niece is very small.

Malaprops

Harder’n baptizing a cat.

Expressions

Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

Mistakes Problems

The world is your lobster.

Mixed metaphors

Bore: One who insists upon talking about himself when you want to talk about yourself.

Definitions Self

I am sure I have done everything in my power since I exploded the affair.

Malaprops

“I’m wearing my wedding ring,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

Age Exaggerations Old

She has initiated and is very remorseful.

Characteristics Malaprops

A sure sign of bureaucracy is when the first person who answers the phone can’t help you.

Government

Subsidy: A formula devised by politicians to give you back some of your own money in such a way that you are supposed to think it’s a gift.

Definitions

“This fabric is not good enough to make a bolero,” said Tom unravellingly.

Tom Swifties

Dieting: The triumph of mind over platter.

Definitions