Author: Anonymous Page 7

Ignorance is golden.

Mixed metaphors

She is so old… her dreams are in black and white.

Age Exaggerations Old

“Use your own toothbrush!” Tom bristled.

Tom Swifties

Fanatic: One who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.

Definitions People

Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred.

Marriage

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

Definitions Family

Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.

Definitions Education

Gentleman: A man who remembers a woman’s birthday but forgets her age.

Definitions Men People

The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

Problems

Prostitute: A busy body.

Definitions

Too many people are ready to carry the stool when the piano needs to be moved.

Work

Wedding License: A certificate that gives a woman the legal right to drive a man.

Definitions Marriage

Behold, this very day, I have interceded another letter from the fellow.

Malaprops

Jeans: Lower half of the international uniform of youth.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

It doesn't take rocket appliances.

Intelligence Malaprops

Short Vacation: Half a loaf.

Activities Definitions

“The vegetables are overcooked!” she steamed.

Tom Swifties

“Everything Albert says is so obvious”, said Tom altruistically.

Tom Swifties

Statesman: A politician away from home.

Definitions Politicians

Kill two birds with one egg

Mixed metaphors

Committee: A cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled.

Definitions