Author: Anonymous Page 7

You could just charm the dew off of a honey suckle.

Expressions

When arguing with a stupid person, be sure he isn’t doing the same thing.

Fools Intelligence

An Irishman is not drunk as long as he still has a blade of grass to hang onto.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

“I make the armor out of chain links,” Tom replied by mail.

Tom Swifties

Tavern: Thirst come, thirst served.

Definitions Food/Drink

Home: A place where a man is free to say anything he pleases because no one pays any attention to him.

Definitions Places

Makes the hair stand up on the edge of my seat

Mixed metaphors

Stomach: A bowl-shaped cavity containing the organs of indigestion.

Body Definitions

“I got in through the window after opening it with a crowbar,” said Tom enterprisingly.

Tom Swifties

Income Tax: The entry fee for the rat race.

Definitions Government Taxes

Diaper: A bum wrap.

Definitions

Collection: A church function in which many take but a passing interest.

Definitions

Election: When the air is full of speeches and vice versa

Communication Definitions Elections/Voting Government Speech

Ambulance: A vehicle used to show lawyers where the accident is.

Definitions

“I didn’t do well in the test,” Tom said degradedly.

Tom Swifties

It was time to get my act in gear.

Mixed metaphors

There is nothing so unbecoming on the beach as a wet kilt.

Appearance Clothing

“Please get into the elevator”, said Tom uppishly.

Tom Swifties

American Idealism: Being willing to make any sacrifice that won’t hurt business.

Definitions

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.

Definitions Things