Author: Anonymous Page 7

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

Atomic Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Definitions

Cemetery: An isolated spot, usually in a suburb, where mourners swap lies.

Definitions

It’s like watching wallpaper dry.

Mixed metaphors

“I feel a draft,” Tom said coolly.

Tom Swifties

I have my doubts about disbelief.

Miscellaneous

Kiss: A course of procedure, cunningly devised, for the mutual stoppage of speech at a moment when words are superfluous.

Definitions

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

Around here, it's always feast or phantom.

Malaprops

Originality: The art of concealing your source.

Definitions

Sympathy: What one usually gives to a friend or relative when he doesn’t want to lend him money.

Definitions Emotions

Diaphragm: A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

Body Definitions Health

“I can see you,” peeped Tom with his hands over his eyes.

Tom Swifties

Looting: A public shopping spree generously sponsored by local merchants in the wake of a riot.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

Gifted Children: Unfortunate tykes who lack the good sense to hide their talents from overly ambitious parents.

Definitions Family

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

Time rolled up like a scroll, while the plague nibbled at the edges of their years.

Mixed metaphors

“I compliment the company that makes the Macintosh computer,” said Tom applauding.

Tom Swifties

Alimony: The fee a woman charges for name-dropping.

Definitions Marriage

Tricycle: A tot rod.

Definitions

Among the propensities of humans which almost exceed understanding come the parsimony of the rich and the extravagance of the poor.

Money Poverty Wealth