Author: Anonymous Page 7

Clear Conscience: Poor memory.

Definitions

You look like you have been drug through a knot hole backwards.

Appearance Expressions

“I’m being sent down to the minors,” said Tom beleagueredly.

Tom Swifties

She grabbed the bull by the tail and faced the problem squarely.

Mixed metaphors

The only difference between a “hair stylist” and a regular barber is the price.

Occupations Work

Ambulance: A vehicle used to show lawyers where the accident is.

Definitions

Bowling Alley: A quiet place of amusement where you can hear a pin drop.

Activities Definitions

Home: A place where a man is free to say anything he pleases because no one pays any attention to him.

Definitions Places

Dictatorship: A place where public opinion can’t even be expressed privately.

Definitions Government

“I’m shocked,” said Tom electrically.

Tom Swifties

Jeans: Lower half of the international uniform of youth.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Money roots out all evil.

Mixed metaphors

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request your presents at the marriage of their daughter…

Malaprops

“I will now demonstrate how to dissect a sheep,” delivered Tom.

Tom Swifties

Diagnosis: A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse.

Definitions Health

Is this a whole nother bucket of worms?

Mixed metaphors

Where would we be without rhetorical questions?

Communication

“My neurotic blood-sucking arachnid has put on weight”, said Tom, his nervous tic showing again.

Tom Swifties

“Nay!” said Tom hoarsely.

Tom Swifties

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

That guy in the White House, George Snuffleupagus.

Malaprops People