Author: Anonymous Page 70

If there is a substitute for brains it has to be silence.

Intelligence

Applause before a speaker begins his talk is an act of faith; applause during the speech is an act of hope; applause after he has concluded is an act of charity.

Communication Speech

Filing Cabinet: A place where you lose things alphabetically.

Definitions

Hanging: A suspended sentence.

Definitions

Liberty: Consists in giving everyone full right to mind everyone else’s business.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

The crust of the problem

Malaprops

If you try to eat this elephant all in one bite, you’re going to have a hell of an indigestion.

Mixed metaphors

“The censors took all the dirty bits out of my show,” said Tom deludedly.

Tom Swifties

Goin’ around your ass to get to your elbow

Expressions

Better not open that Panacea's box.

Mixed metaphors

“Here is your hotdog,” said Tom with relish.

Tom Swifties

You were at your wit’s nerve.

Mixed metaphors

The trouble with most marriages is after she says ‘I do’, she won’t.

Marriage

A horse divided against itself cannot stand.

Malaprops

“I like fuzzy bunnies”, gurgled Tom acutely.

Tom Swifties

Cricket: A game which the English, not being a spiritual people, have invented in order to give themselves some conception of eternity.

Definitions Sports

Alibi: Slip cover.

Definitions

“We have no oranges,” Tom said fruitlessly.

Tom Swifties

“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.

Tom Swifties

Chatterbox: Another name for a telephone booth.

Definitions Things

She’s so big, it takes two men and a boy just to look at her.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat