Author: Anonymous Page 70

Crash courses for driver’s learner permits.

Mixed metaphors

Clearly we’ve opened a Pandora’s box of worms here.

Mixed metaphors

They start with all that sucking and blowing and in the end you lose your house.

Marriage

Traffic Light: A trick to get pedestrians halfway across the street safely.

Autos Definitions Things

People have the persona that all Texans wear cowboy hats.

Beliefs Malaprops Opinion

Acting is pretending, and the most difficult part is pretending you’re eating regularly.

Acting Eating Entertainment Food/Drink Occupations

Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.

Definitions Occupations Work

“I’m on social security,” said Tom dolefully.

Tom Swifties

“Monaural and quadraphonic systems are exceptions,” said Tom stereotypically.

Tom Swifties

“This way to the seabird exhibit”, said Tom awkwardly.

Tom Swifties

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

Vision: Looking farther than you can see.

Definitions Intelligence Thinking

Procrastination: The art of keeping up with yesterday.

Definitions

Business: Something which, if you don’t have any, you go out of.

Definitions

“This is mutiny!” said Tom bountifully.

Tom Swifties

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Emotions Intelligence Laughter Thinking

Mr. and Mrs. John Smith request your presents at the marriage of their daughter…

Malaprops

Post Operative: Letter carrier

Definitions

Keep your ear to the grindstone.

Mixed metaphors

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

If you don't want someone to get your goat, don't let them know where it's tied.

Expressions