Author: Anonymous Page 70

“I can’t march any more!” the soldier called haltingly.

Tom Swifties

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

Why is abbreviation such a long word?

Communication Language

Narcissist: Psychoanalytic term for the person who loves himself more than his analyst.

Definitions People Self

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Communication Wordplay

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

Congress: A place where there are too many Democratic congressmen, too many Republican congressmen – and not enough U.S. Congressmen.

Congress Definitions Government

“Boy, I wish the elevator were working,” said Tom, staring up to the top.

Tom Swifties

School teachers are not fully appreciated by parents until it rains all day Saturday.

Education Occupations Work

Snoring: Sound sleeping.

Definitions

Sadist: A person who is kind to a masochist.

Definitions People Wordplay

Disrespect: Giving someone half of the peace sign without suggesting they’re number one.

Definitions

Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftovers.

Definitions Food/Drink

We all act as one heartbeat.

Mixed metaphors

Insanity: Knowing that what you’re doing is completely idiotic, but still, somehow, you just can’t stop it.

Definitions

It sounds good on paper.

Ideas Intelligence Mixed metaphors

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

Beyond the question of a doubt

Mixed metaphors

“I teach economics at the university,” Tom professed.

Tom Swifties

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Appearance Body Characteristics