Author: Anonymous Page 70

Bugs: Small living things that small living boys throw on small living girls.

Animals Definitions

He's a wolf in cheap clothing.

Malaprops

Impregnable: A woman whose memory of labor is still vivid.

Definitions Sex

She is so old… she was the waitress at the last supper.

Age Exaggerations Old

Engagement: A period in which a girl is placed in solitaire confinement.

Definitions Marriage

He can cry on a dime.

Mixed metaphors

Newspaper: A publication that condemns gambling and promotes lottery numbers.

Definitions

“I wonder if there’s a number between seven and nine,” said Tom considerately.

Tom Swifties

Arabs wear turbines on their heads.

Clothing Malaprops

World: A place that was built in six days – and looks it.

Definitions Places World

He's trying to gain a foothold in the public eye.

Mixed metaphors

Never let a gift horse in the house.

Malaprops

Cabinet Maker: Counter fitter.

Definitions Occupations

“This tooth extraction could take for ever,” said Tom with infinite wisdom.

Tom Swifties

“There’s nothing wrong with demons,” Tom said implicitly.

Tom Swifties

Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

Insults Intelligence

Ugly as stump full of spiders.

Appearance Expressions Ugly

A sure sign of bureaucracy is when the first person who answers the phone can’t help you.

Government

My husband went to Radio Shack and got some dog ears for the TV.

Malaprops Television

It sticks out like a sore throat.

Mixed metaphors

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.

Murphy’s Laws