Author: Anonymous Page 71

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

… to love and to cherish, till death do us apart.

Malaprops

Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.

Activities Definitions Shopping Things

It is so hot… chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Gardener: Someone who thinks that what goes down must come up.

Definitions

Not enough to say grace over.

Expressions Food/Drink

“I'll have a martini,” said Tom, dryly.

Tom Swifties

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Definitions Things

You're like a dog barking down the wrong well.

Mixed metaphors

As much fun as shooting monkeys in a barrel.

Mixed metaphors

These felled trees are the beavers’ handiwork!

Mixed metaphors

A sound mind and a sound body go hand in hand.

Mixed metaphors

Education: A technique employed to open minds so that they may go from cocksure ignorance to thoughtful uncertainty.

Definitions Education

We are born naked, wet, and hungry; then things get worse.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

Definitions

Teenagers: Those old enough to know everything.

Age Definitions

Newborn Baby: Fresh heir.

Definitions

“Fire!” yelled Tom alarmingly.

Tom Swifties

She is so fat… when she sits around the house, she sits around the house.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

He is so stupid… mind readers charge him half price.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Puberty: The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible.

Age Definitions