Author: Anonymous Page 71

Synonym: A word you use when you can’t spell the other word.

Definitions Language

Diamond: One of the hardest substances known to man – especially the payments on one.

Definitions Things

“I told you not to ride that horse,” Tom nagged.

Tom Swifties

A clean desk is a sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

Situations

To avoid misunderstanding, I’ll stop speaking formal English and just use the binocular.

Communication Language Malaprops

Alimony: A splitting headache.

Definitions Marriage

“I haven’t had any tooth decay yet,” said Tom precariously.

Tom Swifties

Isn't it nice to not have to look over our backs anymore?

Mixed metaphors

It would bring the public school system crumbling to its knees.

Mixed metaphors

“The phone reception here is excellent,” he said clearly.

Tom Swifties

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

“I feel so empty,” said Tom vacuously.

Tom Swifties

Exercise: The joy of flex.

Activities Definitions Exercise

Photostatic memory

Malaprops

Banquet: A fifty-cent dinner served in sufficient quantity to enable a caterer to charge twenty dollars for it.

Definitions Food/Drink

Know-it-all: One who pretends to know something about everything but really knows nothing about anything.

Definitions

Karma: Justice without the feeling of satisfaction.

Definitions

“This oar is broken,” said Tom robustly.

Tom Swifties

I don't want to hold an open manhole over your head.

Mixed metaphors

“I like fuzzy bunnies”, gurgled Tom acutely.

Tom Swifties

He clams up tighter than a drum.

Mixed metaphors