Author: Anonymous Page 72

So there was this dyslexic guy who walked into a bra.

Health

I'm not a pessimist, I'm an optometrist.

Malaprops

Eccentric: A man too rich to be called crazy.

Definitions People

Bigamist: A man who makes the same mistake twice.

Definitions Marriage

Sex Education: Sermon on the mount.

Definitions Sex Wordplay

He ran a cottage industry from his garden shed.

Mixed metaphors

Abstinence is a good thing, but it should be practiced in moderation.

Sex

Ambassador: An honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.

Definitions

Your being Sir Anthony's son, would itself be a sufficient accommodation.

Malaprops

Raining like a sieve

Mixed metaphors

Plagiarism: Failure to adorn stolen ideas with footnotes, as opposed to scholarship, which repeatedly acknowledges the theft.

Definitions Ideas Reading/Writing

Can't find his ass with two hands and a flashlight

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

Motel: A love-inn.

Definitions

You can’t have your hill and die on it too.

Mixed metaphors

Efficiency Expert: A man smart enough to tell you how to run your business and too smart to start his own.

Definitions

“You must be my host,” Tom guessed.

Tom Swifties

I think the big guns will come to the boil.

Mixed metaphors

Travel Brochure: A trip teaser.

Definitions

Acorn: An oak in a nutshell.

Definitions

“I’ve stuck a pin through my nose,” said Tom punctually.

Tom Swifties

Death: A breath-taking experience.

Death Definitions