Author: Anonymous Page 72

“2 bdrm furn w 5 appl”, said Tom aptly.

Tom Swifties

Many nations adopt a tit for tit policy.

Malaprops

Optimist: Someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.

Definitions

Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of,  and you're buying again.

Definitions Things

Automobile: A payment plan on wheels.

Autos Definitions Things

Groan: An expression of appreciation for the horrible.

Communication Definitions Speech

Like socks on a rooster

Expressions

“I’m trying to get some air circulating under the roof,” said Tom fanatically.

Tom Swifties

Diamond: A woman’s idea of a stepping stone to success.

Definitions Things

We wanted to help the indiguous people of the country.

Malaprops

That guy is a wolf in cheap clothing.

Mixed metaphors

“Once again, I read it on Wikipedia,” Tom recited.

Tom Swifties

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Animals Definitions Eating Food/Drink

“Yes, we have no bananas,” Tom said fruitlessly.

Tom Swifties

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Definitions

A good idea is one that hits the other fellow with a bolt of envy.

Ideas Intelligence

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

It’s better to have half a cake and eat it and enjoy it, than not to have any cake at all.

Mixed metaphors

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

Definitions Marriage

America: A land where a citizen will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, and won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.

America Definitions Places

You are not being diplomatic just because you put please in front of “Shut the hell up.”

Characteristics Situations