Author: Anonymous Page 72

Judge: A man in a trying position.

Definitions Wordplay

Charity begins at home… at about 6:30, when they call you and interrupt your dinner.

Characteristics

Cannibals are not vegetarians, they are humanitarians.

Food/Drink People

He’s still green behind the ears.

Mixed metaphors

Interior Decorator: A man who does things to your house he wouldn’t dream of doing to his own.

Definitions Occupations

Every silver lining has a cloud around it.

Mixed metaphors

If we are not supposed to eat animals, then why are they made of meat?

Animals Food/Drink

Tissue: Your daily nosepaper.

Definitions Wordplay

“If I die, you get everything,” said Tom willingly.

Tom Swifties

Accordion: An instrument whose music is long drawn out.

Definitions Entertainment Music Things

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Activities Definitions

Racehorse: A barn athlete.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

A bird in the hand is worth two in the tush.

Malaprops

“I invested in a hi-tech startup,” Tom ventured.

Tom Swifties

Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.

Definitions

Television Programming: Material that fills the time between commercials.

Definitions Entertainment

Toothache: The pain that drives you to extraction.

Definitions Health

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest.

Mixed metaphors

“Here’s the story of the Liberty Bell”, Tom told us appealingly.

Tom Swifties

People seldom know what they want until you give them what they ask for.

Situations

False Pregnancy: Laboring under a misconception.

Definitions