Author: Anonymous Page 73

“Those hookers are putting notices in the personals”, Tom advised.

Tom Swifties

“Now I can do some painting,” said Tom easily.

Tom Swifties

Compromise: A deal in which two people get what neither of them wanted.

Definitions

Knitting: An exercise that gives women something to do when they are talking.

Activities Definitions

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

Communication Situations Speech

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? … because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

Health

Puritan: A person who pours righteous indignation into the wrong things.

Definitions

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

Definitions Money

We've howdied but we ain't shook yet.

Expressions

I'm flying by the edge of my seat.

Misspokements

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

The ship of state has a difficult road ahead.

Mixed metaphors

You dug your bed, you lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

Doughnut: Holey food.

Definitions Food/Drink

A stitch in time is worth a pound of cure.

Mixed metaphors

Statesman: An ex-politician who has mastered the art of holding his tongue.

Communication Definitions Politicians Speech

Get two birds stoned at once.

Mixed metaphors

“I have a split personality,” said Tom, being frank.

Tom Swifties

Book Jacket: A fable of contents.

Definitions

“Has my magazine arrived?” Tom asked periodically.

Tom Swifties

Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Definitions