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Tom Swifties

Footnote: Useless information placed where you can skip it.

Definitions

Liberal: One who tolerates all beliefs and opinions except those with which he disagrees.

Beliefs Definitions

Reform: To gain or lose weight.

Appearance Body Definitions

“Hey, what’s it worth if I help you escape from prison?” asked Tom contemptuously.

Tom Swifties

Sanitation Worker: The title conferred on garbage men when they  started earning more than public school teachers.

Definitions Occupations

We kill people who kill people because killing people is wrong.

Conflict Killing

“I’ve borrowed my sister’s camping gear,” said Tom insistently.

Tom Swifties

He’s so lazy he wouldn’t work in a pie factory.

Characteristics Expressions Work

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.

Definitions

Hospital Room: A place where friends of the patient go to talk to other friends of the patient.

Definitions

It's clear to see who makes the pants here.

Malaprops Marriage

This is really a jack of all trades and master of non.

Misspokements

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

He is so dumb… his dog teaches him tricks.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Delegate-At-Large: A man at a convention whose wife didn’t accompany him.

Definitions

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

Keep paying the electricity bill.

Health

Freudian Slip: Foot-in-mouth disease.

Communication Definitions

“Do you buy and sell stolen goods?” asked Tom offensively.

Tom Swifties

If you know you don't know much, you are smarter than most people.

Intelligence