Author: Anonymous Page 74

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

Age Exaggerations Old

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Definitions Shopping

Hole-In-One: An occurrence in which a ball is hit directly from the tee into the hole on a single shot by a golfer playing alone.

Definitions Golf Sports

There's a pot of gold at the end of the tunnel.

Mixed metaphors

“I pulled a hamstring,” said Tom limply.

Tom Swifties

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather

Newlywed: A man who puts up the storm windows the first time his wife suggests it.

Definitions Marriage

“Eating garbage is a form of recycling, but I can’t eat any more,” said Tom wastefully.

Tom Swifties

He is so fat… when his beeper goes off, people think he's backing up.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

Characteristics Marriage Men

“Another plate of seafood for me!” Tom clamored.

Tom Swifties

“The policeman charged me twenty bucks for speeding,” said Tom finally.

Tom Swifties

“The executioner has received the tool he needs”, said Tom with a heavy accent.

Tom Swifties

Nothing is so fallacious as facts, except figures.

Beliefs Facts

A committee of three gets things done if two don’t show up.

Murphy’s Laws People

Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.

Appearance Definitions

You must have ears like an eagle.

Mixed metaphors

You are so boring that you can't even entertain a doubt.

Insults

Anatomy: A class that sounds vaguely risqué until you find out what it really involves.

Body Definitions Education School

University: A college with a stadium seating more than sixty thousand.

Definitions Education School