Author: Anonymous Page 74

Debts: The certain outcome of an uncertain income.

Definitions Money

She was so tall if she fell down she would be halfway home.

Appearance Body Expressions

Gimme: An agreement between two duffer golfers who can’t putt.

Definitions Golf Sports

A rolling stone gathers no moths.

Malaprops

Reckless Driver: One who passes you on the highway in spite of all you can do.

Definitions People

Hat: Something the average man covers his head with, the beggar passes around, the statesman throws into the ring, and the politician talks through.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

“The door’s ajar,” said Tom openly.

Tom Swifties

Off the cuff of my head.

Mixed metaphors

History: The version of past events that people have decided to agree upon.

Definitions History Time

Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect it back.

Characteristics Money

I'd give my right arm to be ambidextrous.

Appearance Body Characteristics

Diet Planner: A fast talker.

Definitions

Sometimes you just have to let sleeping dogs fall where they may.

Mixed metaphors

Genealogy: Tracing yourself back to people better than you are.

Definitions Family People

Dignity: Something that can’t be preserved in alcohol.

Definitions

“I have a gift for you,” said Tom presently.

Tom Swifties

“I’m losing my hair,” Tom bawled.

Tom Swifties

A father is someone who carries pictures in his wallet where his money used to be.

Family Money Relationships

Two-minute warning: When your baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Definitions

When a man opens the door of his car for his wife, you can be sure of one thing: either the car is new or the wife is.

Autos Marriage Things Wives

“I was adopted,” said Tom transparently.

Tom Swifties