Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 74
Absent: The notation generally following your name in a class record.
Anonymous
Definitions
Absent
Attendance
Television: A means of getting a babysitter so Mom and Dad can get out to the movies.
Anonymous
Definitions
Entertainment
Television
We kill people who kill people because killing people is wrong.
Anonymous
Conflict
Killing
The philosophy exam was a piece of cake… which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.
Anonymous
Education
School
Exams
Nervous as a hound pissing peach pits
Anonymous
Emotions
Expressions
Nervous
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Men
People
Women
Ambition
Equality
… to love and to cherish, till
death do us apart.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Part
Walking with your head between your legs.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
He looks like a bag of antlers.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Expressions
About someone that’s all skin and bones
I’d have to get better just to die.
Anonymous
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Being very sick
“How long will I have to wait for a table?” asked Tom without reservation.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“Cut it out!” said Tom sharply.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Four-letter Word: Par for the coarse.
Anonymous
Definitions
Golf
Language
Sports
Four-letter Word
Hot Dog: The only animal that feeds the hand that bites it.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Food/Drink
Hot Dog
You'll get into hot water skating on thin ice!
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
She's as headstrong as an
allegory
on the banks of Nile.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Alligator
Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.
Anonymous
Definitions
Kleptomaniac
It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Delegate-At-Large: A man at a convention whose wife didn’t accompany him.
Anonymous
Definitions
Delegate-At-Large
Patriotism: The willingness to kill and be killed for trivial reasons dreamed up by politicians.
Anonymous
Death
Definitions
Patriotism
“If I let go of the ceiling it will collapse,” Tom upheld.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
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