Author: Anonymous Page 75

Long road to hoe

Malaprops

A censor has the peculiar faculty of banning just what we want to hear, see,

Occupations Work

Motherhood: If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor.

Definitions

Electrocution: Burning at the stake with all modern improvements.

Death Definitions

Don’t cast swine before bears.

Mixed metaphors

“That young insect is male,” said Tom buoyantly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m sure we can fool them into thinking this is pollen,” said Tom beguilingly.

Tom Swifties

“I manufacture tabletops for shops,” said Tom counterproductively.

Tom Swifties

X Chromosome: a genetic double-cross that empowers women with the ability to bear children and reserves for men the right to be color-blind hemophiliacs.

Definitions Men People

“I’m wearing a ribbon round my arm,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

She is so ugly… when she goes swimming the tide goes out.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Her business seems to be doing well; it must be very ludicrous.

Malaprops Money

Status Quo: Latin for “the mess we’re in.”

Definitions Problems

Dad says the monster is just a pigment of my imagination.

Malaprops

Bankruptcy: A fate worse than debt.

Definitions Money

Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.

Definitions Education

Venereal Disease: Germs of endearment.

Definitions Health

The whole ball of worms

Malaprops

My purses were selling like wild cakes.

Mixed metaphors

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Situations Time

A bird in the hand is mightier than the sword.

Mixed metaphors