Author: Anonymous Page 76

I don't want to step on your thunder.

Mixed metaphors

He is so stupid… mind readers charge him half price.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Good to be back on the old terracotta.

Malaprops

Horse: An oatsmobile.

Animals Definitions

Celebrity: A person whose name is in everything but the telephone book.

Definitions

Foreword: An author’s apology.

Books Definitions

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Definitions

Tennis: a racquet sport in which two players compete to see who has the shortest temper, the worst memory, the poorest eyesight, and the slowest watch.

Sports

Handicapped Golfer: The man playing his boss.

Definitions Golf Sports

Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.

Definitions Occupations Work

Apartment: A place where the landlord and the tenant are both trying to raise the rent.

Definitions

Don't piss on my leg and tell me it's rainin'!

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

She's so skinny, she has to run around in the shower to get wet.

Appearance Body Expressions

I'm busier than a stump full of ants.

Activities Situations

The whole can of wax

Mixed metaphors

At the zoo I like to watch the polo bears.

Animals Malaprops

As we consider the road that unfolds before us.

Mixed metaphors

You dug your bed, you lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

Looting: A public shopping spree generously sponsored by local merchants in the wake of a riot.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

Adverse: Promotional jingle.

Definitions

“I feel a draft,” Tom said coolly.

Tom Swifties