Author: Anonymous Page 77

Ventriloquist: A man who never speaks for himself.

Communication Definitions Speech

He’s so lazy, he’d marry a pregnant woman.

Characteristics Expressions

He is confused as a baby raccoon!

Expressions

Man blames most accidents on fate – but feels a more personal responsibility when he makes a hole-in-one on the golf course.

Golf Sports

“The door’s ajar,” said Tom openly.

Tom Swifties

White Lie: Aversion of the truth.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty Lies Truth

A rolling stone is worth two in the bush.

Mixed metaphors

Sympathy: What one usually gives to a friend or relative when he doesn’t want to lend him money.

Definitions Emotions

I thought she had persisted from corresponding with him.

Malaprops

You’re fighting upstream.

Mixed metaphors

“Rasputin and I are lovers,” said Nicholas bizarrely.

Tom Swifties

Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.

Definitions People

Anoint: To grease a king or other great functionary already sufficiently slippery.

Definitions

You dug your bed, you lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

What happened to the first 6 “ups?”

Communication Food/Drink Language

Boxing: A mutual affliction of brain damage for the amusement of the public.

Boxing Definitions Sports

Adage: To become older.

Definitions

Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter.

Mixed metaphors

“I knew the gun wasn’t loaded,” Tom said blankly.

Tom Swifties

It’s like watching wallpaper dry.

Mixed metaphors

“Eating garbage is a form of recycling, but I can’t eat any more,” said Tom wastefully.

Tom Swifties