Author: Anonymous Page 77

They’re clearly up the creek without a leg to stand on

Mixed metaphors

At twenty, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at thirty, we worry about what it’s thinking of us; at forty, we discover it isn’t thinking about us at all.

Age Intelligence

Subsidy: A formula devised by politicians to give you back some of your own money in such a way that you are supposed to think it’s a gift.

Definitions

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

I know who turned off the lights,” Tom hinted darkly.

Tom Swifties

Appendix: A portion of a book, for which nobody yet has discovered any use.

Definitions

90% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

Government Law Lawyers

Sympathizer: A fellow that’s for you as long as it doesn’t cost anything.

Definitions

Delayed Payment: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

Definitions Money

Senior Executive: Anyone with an office on the carpeted corridor.

Definitions

Politician: One who is willing to do anything on earth for the workers except become one.

Definitions Government Politicians

Violinist: A high-strung musician.

Definitions Entertainment Music Wordplay

Self-made Man: A horrible example of unskilled labor.

Definitions

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Emotions Intelligence Laughter Thinking

Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.

Definitions

The police surrounded the building and threw an accordion around the block.

Malaprops Situations

Communism: Liberation of the people from the burdens of liberty.

Definitions Government

If you put his brain in a gnat's butt, it would fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of,  and you're buying again.

Definitions Things

An alarm clock is built with a mechanism to scare the daylights into you.

Things

Gold Digger: A fund-loving girl.

Definitions