Author: Anonymous Page 77

Aren't you ever tired of having yourself around?

Insults

To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

Government Politics

“I’m wearing my wedding ring”, said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

Sex is like air; it's not important unless you aren't getting any.

Beliefs Sex

Char: Common method of cooking over a campfire.

Cooking Definitions

“One of the ten finalists in the ‘London derriere’ contest had to drop out”, said Tom asininely.

Tom Swifties

I’ll be on him like a wild dog on a ham.

Expressions

It's like pulling hen's teeth.

Mixed metaphors

“It’s my maid’s night off,” said Tom helplessly.

Tom Swifties

School teachers are not fully appreciated by parents until it rains all day Saturday.

Education Occupations Work

Old Age: When you find yourself using one bend-over to pick up two things.

Age Definitions Old

“I like modern painting,” said Tom abstractly.

Tom Swifties

You're pulling my leg over my eyes.

Mixed metaphors

She had a seashore disorder.

Health Malaprops

You're like a dog barking down the wrong well.

Mixed metaphors

Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.

Definitions

“I’m just an ordinary soldier,” Tom admitted privately.

Tom Swifties

Chicken: An egg's way of making more eggs.

Animals

Court Of Law: A place where a suit is pressed and a man maybe taken to the cleaners.

Definitions Law

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Characteristics Money

Bum: A man-about-town.

Definitions