Author: Anonymous Page 77

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Arms Situations Things

“The pool player from USC had to drop out because the proper equipment didn’t arrive on time,” Tom calculated.

Tom Swifties

Wind: Weather on the go.

Definitions Science/Weather

Travel Brochure: A trip teaser.

Definitions

“We’re off to Scotland,” said Tom clandestinely.

Tom Swifties

“This tooth extraction could take for ever,” said Tom with infinite wisdom.

Tom Swifties

The guy literally flew down the stairs!

Malaprops

She’d complain if Jesus came down and handed her a $5 bill.

Characteristics Communication

Group Discussion: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

Definitions

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

Definitions

It is so dry… I caught a catfish that had ticks on him.

Exaggerations Science/Weather

Archive: Where the two bees stayed after Noah brought them aboard.

Definitions

Optimist: A middle-aged man who believes that the cleaners have been shrinking the waistband of his pants.

Body Characteristics Definitions People

He is so fat… his shadow weighs 12 pounds.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

The most important decision is that of excepting Jesus in your life.

Malaprops

Bigamy is the only crime on the books where two rites make a wrong.

Marriage

“I'll have a martini,” said Tom, dryly.

Tom Swifties

“I shall see to it well in advance,” said Tom tenderly.

Tom Swifties

“I bought myself fifty hamburgers and I’ve only ten left,” said Tom with fortitude.

Tom Swifties

Optimist: Someone who tells you to cheer up when things are going his way.

Definitions

Fountain pen: A writing instrument that works marvelously in the store.

Definitions Things