Author: Anonymous Page 78

Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.

Conflict Crime People

Graduate school: The place where a young scholar goes off their parents’ payroll – and on to their spouse’s.

Education School

“I wonder if I’d have better luck if I fished with a net,” Tom debated.

Tom Swifties

Agreeable Person: One who agrees with me.

Definitions

Genealogy: Chasing your own tale.

Definitions Family

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Marriage

It's like ice cold electricity passing through your body.

Mixed metaphors

What a messy house. How can they live in such squander.

Malaprops

She’s suffering from a detached rectum.

Malaprops

“That’s the last time I’ll stick my arm in a lion’s mouth,” the lion-tamer said off-handedly.

Tom Swifties

Consumer: One who delights advertisers by acquiring unnecessary products.

Definitions Shopping

Sport: War without killing.

Definitions

Alarm Clock: Something that makes people rise and whine.

Definitions Wordplay

At twenty, we don’t care what the world thinks of us; at thirty, we worry about what it’s thinking of us; at forty, we discover it isn’t thinking about us at all.

Age Intelligence

Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Body Mind Problems

She grabbed the bull by the horns, and ran with it.

Mixed metaphors

Vasectomy: Spoil the rod… spare the child.

Definitions

Well, that's a feather in your pocket.

Mixed metaphors

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Life Money

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

“I’m putting on my T-shirt, shorts, and sunglasses,” Tom summarized.

Tom Swifties