Author: Anonymous Page 78

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men

It sounds good on paper.

Ideas Intelligence Mixed metaphors

Borrower: A man who tries to live within your means.

Definitions

Waddya expect him to say, entray voose?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops

Horse: An oatsmobile.

Animals Definitions

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

Situations Sleep

Year: The exact length of time that will pass from the day you get married to the day you forget your first anniversary.

Definitions Marriage Time

“I teach at a university,” Tom professed.

Tom Swifties

Flashlight: A case for storing dead batteries.

Definitions Things

“I work at a bank,” said Tom tellingly.

Tom Swifties

Survival of the fitness.

Malaprops

Luck: An explanation for the other fellows’ success.

Definitions

Sociology: Journalism without news.

Definitions

Kicking off the hockey season

Mixed metaphors

Adam wasn’t always the brightest tool.

Mixed metaphors

The less a person knows, the more he wants to tell it.

Fools Intelligence

“Who goes there!” the soldier called out haltingly.

Tom Swifties

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

Emotions Memory Past

“Where’s my pants?” asked Tom briefly.

Tom Swifties

Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

Dog Pound: A used cur lot.

Definitions