Author: Anonymous Page 78

Dieting: The triumph of mind over platter.

“The censors took all the dirty bits out of my show,” said Tom deludedly.

Sympathy: What one usually gives to a friend or relative when he doesn’t want to lend him money.

… behold, this very day, I have interceded another letter from the fellow.

She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

“I cut off the bottoms of my Levis so they won’t drag on the ground,” said Tom hygienically.

You're pulling my leg over my eyes.

I understand that Congress has taken the first step in the fight against air pollution: limiting the speeches to five minutes.

“Thank you so much, Monsieur,” said Tom mercifully.

You're making a mountain out of a Mohawk.

It's a big nut to swallow.

Marriage: The difference between painting the town and painting the back porch.

A waist is a terrible thing to mind.

.. drawing the eye… like a magnet

His car is so expensive the radiator requires Perrier.

The intention is to get a jumpstart on it.

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

People who wear glass slippers shouldn't kick stones.

Let's bury this dead horse.

He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.

Riding: The art of keeping a horse between yourself and the ground.