Author: Anonymous Page 78

“I chop down trees for a living,” said Tom lumberingly.

Tom Swifties

She’s so big, it takes two men and a boy just to look at her.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

“I have to fix the car,” said Tom mechanically.

Tom Swifties

College: A four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

Definitions Education School

Silence: True wisdom’s best reply.

Definitions Wisdom

To make the drawers work better, rub them with paraphernalia.

Malaprops

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Definitions Doctors Health

Jesus loves him, but he is the only one.

Expressions

She is so old… she was the waitress at the last supper.

Age Exaggerations Old

“I only use one herb when I cook,” said Tom sagely.

Tom Swifties

… just to relieve the monopoly.

Malaprops Situations

Father: A guy who is working his child’s way through college.

Definitions Family Fathers

She's so skinny, she has to run around in the shower to get wet.

Appearance Body Expressions

You have the right to remain silent; anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

Communication Law Speech

Man was predestined to have free will.

Miscellaneous

Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.

Definitions

Minor Operation: One performed on someone else.

Definitions Health

It's as dark as the inside of a cow.

Expressions

Exercise: The joy of flex.

Activities Definitions Exercise

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Intelligence Memory Past

Phillips Screwdriver: Used  to round off Phillips screw heads.

Definitions Things