Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 78
“I chop down trees for a living,” said Tom lumberingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
She’s so big, it takes two men and a boy just to look at her.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Expressions
Fat
“I have to fix the car,” said Tom mechanically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
College: A four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
Anonymous
Definitions
Education
School
College: A four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.
Silence: True wisdom’s best reply.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wisdom
Silence
To make the drawers work better, rub them with
paraphernalia.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Paraffin
Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.
Anonymous
Definitions
Doctors
Health
Dermatologist
Jesus loves him, but he is the only one.
Anonymous
Expressions
About a disliked person
Unfriendly
She is so old… she was the waitress at the last supper.
Anonymous
Age
Exaggerations
Old
“I only use one herb when I cook,” said Tom sagely.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
… just to relieve the
monopoly.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Situations
Boredom
Monotony
Father: A guy who is working his child’s way through college.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Fathers
She's so skinny, she has to run around in the shower to get wet.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Expressions
Thin
You have the right to remain silent; anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.
Anonymous
Communication
Law
Speech
Misquoted
Silence
Man was predestined to have free will.
Anonymous
Miscellaneous
Free will
Communist: A fellow who will gladly divide his hunger and thirst with you if you’ll divide your beer and salami with him.
Anonymous
Definitions
Communist
Minor Operation: One performed on someone else.
Anonymous
Definitions
Health
Minor Operation
It's as dark as the inside of a cow.
Anonymous
Expressions
Dark
Exercise: The joy of flex.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Exercise
Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.
Anonymous
Intelligence
Memory
Past
Phillips Screwdriver: Used to round off Phillips screw heads.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Phillips Screwdriver
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