Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 78
Dieting: The triumph of mind over platter.
Anonymous
Definitions
Dieting
“The censors took all the dirty bits out of my show,” said Tom deludedly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Sympathy: What one usually gives to a friend or relative when he doesn’t want to lend him money.
Anonymous
Definitions
Emotions
Sympathy
… behold, this very day, I have
interceded
another letter from the fellow.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Intercepted
She's as headstrong as an
allegory
on the banks of Nile.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Alligator
“I cut off the bottoms of my Levis so they won’t drag on the ground,” said Tom hygienically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
You're pulling my leg over my eyes.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
I understand that Congress has taken the first step in the fight against air pollution: limiting the speeches to five minutes.
Anonymous
Congress
Government
“Thank you so much, Monsieur,” said Tom mercifully.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
You're making a mountain out of a
Mohawk.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Mole hill
It's a big nut to swallow.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Marriage: The difference between painting the town and painting the back porch.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
A waist is a terrible thing to mind.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
.. drawing the eye… like a magnet
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
His car is so expensive the radiator requires Perrier.
Anonymous
Autos
Exaggerations
Things
The intention is to get a jumpstart on it.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.
Anonymous
Entertainment
Marriage
Sex
Television
The Three Ages of Marriage
People who wear glass slippers shouldn't kick stones.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Let's bury this dead horse.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Exaggerations
Fat
Riding: The art of keeping a horse between yourself and the ground.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Horses
Riding
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