Author: Anonymous Page 78

“That horse looks like a good bet at 20 to 1,” said Tom oddly.

Tom Swifties

“It’s homemade soup,” said Tom uncannily.

Tom Swifties

Beauty parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.

Definitions

Michelangelo painted the ceiling of the Sixteenth Chapel.

Malaprops

“You resemble a goat,” said Tom satirically.

Tom Swifties

Dirty laundry is coming home to roost.

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

Man blames most accidents on fate – but feels a more personal responsibility when he makes a hole-in-one on the golf course.

Golf Sports

We kill people who kill people because killing people is wrong.

Conflict Killing

“The cat sounds as if she’s happy now she’s been fed,” said Tom purposefully.

Tom Swifties

People have the persona that all Texans wear cowboy hats.

Beliefs Malaprops Opinion

Statistician: A person who can draw a mathematically precise line from an unwarranted assumption to a foregone conclusion. 

Definitions Occupations Science/Weather

“We can’t have this and eat it too,” said Tom archaically.

Tom Swifties

“Hey, you’re on my foot!” said Tom standoffishly.

Tom Swifties

Abasement: A decent and customary mental attitude in the presence of wealth and power.

Definitions

Take Home Pay: An amount of money which is called that because it is never big enough to go anywhere else with it.

Definitions Money

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.

Work

“That young insect is male,” said Tom buoyantly.

Tom Swifties

“I used to be a paratrooper,” Tom explained.

Tom Swifties

The amount of education you have determines your loot in life.

Education Malaprops

Tears: Remorse code.

Definitions Wordplay