Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 79
Dentist: A collector of old magazines.
Anonymous
Definitions
Occupations
Dentist
I'd like to give you a going-away present… but you have to do your part.
Anonymous
Insults
“I’m halfway up a mountain,” Tom alleged.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“Let’s sort this out,” Tom ordered.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
When I'm sick, I take
Casper
Oil.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Castor oil
Skiing may be a winter activity, but some think of it as a fall sport.
Anonymous
Sports
Wordplay
Skiing
A lot of people are leaving the company; the
nutrition
rate is very high.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Attrition
He’s wearing a
tomahawk
haircut.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Haircuts
Mohawk
Death: Life’s way of telling you you’ve been fired.
Anonymous
Death
Definitions
Life
Let's do this in one
foul sweep.
Anonymous
Malaprops
One fell swoop
Sterilize: What you do to your baby’s first pacifier by boiling it, and to your last baby’s pacifier by blowing on it and wiping it on your shirt.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Babies
Sterilize
Expert: A man from another city, and the farther away that city is, the greater the expert.
Anonymous
Definitions
It's a walk in the cake.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Beer math is 2 beers times 37 men equals 49 cases.
Anonymous
Beer
Science/Weather
Mathematics
I am having an out-of-money experience.
Anonymous
Communication
Wordplay
A committee of three gets things done if two don’t show up.
Anonymous
Murphy’s Laws
People
Committees
Expert: A person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.
Anonymous
Definitions
Expert
Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.
Anonymous
Definitions
Jury
Keep your nose up!
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Optimism
State-Of-The-Art: Soon-to-be-obsolete.
Anonymous
Definitions
State-Of-The-Art
Good
punctuation
means not to be late.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Time
Punctuality
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