Author: Anonymous Page 79

Communism: Nobody’s got nothin’, but everybody’s workin’.

Definitions

Chivalry: The attitude of a man toward somebody else’s wife.

Definitions

They'll have to retaliate the vote.

Malaprops

Durable Goods: Those that last longer than the time payments.

Definitions Things

Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

Definitions

Diplomacy: The ability to take something and make the other fellow believe he is giving it away.

Definitions

Television Programming: Material that fills the time between commercials.

Definitions Entertainment

Expert: Any person who has tried and failed – and can tell you why.

Definitions

Blind Date: When you expect to meet a vision and he turns out to be a sight.

Dating Definitions

Science Fiction: Fairy tales for nerds.

Communication Definitions Science/Weather

Windy as a hornet

Mixed metaphors

You've put your finger right on the nail.

Mixed metaphors

Talk about rubbing salt in the fire!

Mixed metaphors

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Characteristics Intelligence

Silence: True wisdom’s best reply.

Definitions Wisdom

Chiropractor: A doctor who works his fingers to the bone… yours.

Definitions Doctors

She is so ugly… when she walks into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Fiddler: A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso.

Definitions Entertainment Music

“You find it very large?” said Mr. Podsnap, spaciously

Tom Swifties

They burnt the midnight candle to resolve the issues.

Mixed metaphors

Vaccine: A microbe with his face washed.

Definitions Health