Author: Anonymous Page 79

Egotist: A person of low taste more interested in himself than in me.

Definitions

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Definitions

Major: Area of study that no longer interests you.

Definitions Education Learning

Miser: A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

Definitions Money

Diet: A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds.

Definitions Food/Drink

“Sorry, what I said was a no-brainer?” asked Tom absentmindedly.

Tom Swifties

“I just got another flat,” he said tiredly.

Tom Swifties

Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.

Definitions People

He is so fat… he had his own area code.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Jesus loves him, but he is the only one.

Expressions

“There’s no place for the kitchen sink,” said Tom counterproductively.

Tom Swifties

That's a huge weight lifted off my head.

Mixed metaphors

Diaper: A changeable seat cover.

Definitions

“That city will never be rebuilt,” the prophets babble on.


Tom Swifties

Education: One of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Definitions Education

Psychiatrist: A head coach.

Definitions Doctors Health

Famous Last Words: “This is easy.”

Death Definitions

“It’s become much bigger,” said Tom with a groan.

Tom Swifties

She don’t have the sense God gave a gopher.

Miscellaneous

Desertion: The poor man’s divorce.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Step up to the plate and pick up the gauntlet.

Mixed metaphors