Author: Anonymous Page 8

The fan is gonna hit the roof.

Mixed metaphors

Chaperoning: A spectator spoil-sport.

Definitions

Newlywed: What you and your spouse will officially be considered until your first anniversary, or until you go an entire week without sex (whichever comes first).

Definitions Marriage

Parole: A period at the end of a sentence.

Definitions

“I can’t be bothered,” said Tom carelessly.

Tom Swifties

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

Adverse: Promotional jingle.

Definitions

Delegate-At-Large: A man at a convention whose wife didn’t accompany him.

Definitions

“I don’t work here on a regular basis,” said Tom casually.

Tom Swifties

Executive Suite: A sugar daddy.

Definitions

I'm on a wrong-way street!

Driving Malaprops

It was so cold… we didn't clean the house – we just defrosted it.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

She grabbed the bull by the horns, and ran with it.

Mixed metaphors

“Rowing hurts my hands,” said Tom callously.

Tom Swifties

Gossip: One with a keen sense of rumor.

Definitions

Infinity – where no-one can get, but where all lines meet.

Science/Weather

“I’m a broken man,” Tom cracked.

Tom Swifties

Garden Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant.

Definitions

Class Reunion: A gathering where you come to the conclusion that most of the people your own age are a lot older than you are.

Age Definitions

She is so fat… she was born with a silver shovel in her mouth.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

I can read him like the back of my book.

Mixed metaphors