Author: Anonymous Page 8

Acrimony: The holy state of being married.

Definitions Marriage

Vice: A function to keep virtue within reasonable bounds.

Definitions

Advice: Something which we give by the bushel but take by the grain.

Definitions

I used to be indecisive; but now I'm not sure.

Characteristics Situations

Heredity: The bad traits a child gets from the other side of the family.

Definitions Family

“Some you lose,” said Tom winsomely.

Tom Swifties

That snake in the grass is barking up the wrong tree.

Mixed metaphors

We seem to have unleased a hornet's nest.

Malaprops Situations

It is so dry… I caught a catfish that had ticks on him.

Exaggerations Science/Weather

Aversion: One side of a disputed story.

Definitions

Cheerfulness: The art of concealing your true feelings.

Definitions Emotions Happiness

Leftovers: Repast history.

Definitions Food/Drink

Church: Man’s effort to keep a roof over God’s head.

Beliefs Definitions God

“Let’s take a vacation in the south of France,” said Tom nicely.

Tom Swifties

Conscience: The voice that tells you not to do something after you have done it.

Definitions

It’s all moth-eared.

Malaprops

Debt: A trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.

Definitions Money

It was so cold… polar bears were buying fur coats.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Sociology: Journalism without news.

Definitions

If wishes were horses, some folks would need a lot of hay.

Miscellaneous

“Yes, we have no bananas,” Tom said fruitlessly.

Tom Swifties