Author: Anonymous Page 8

You have the right to remain silent; anything you say will be misquoted then used against you.

Communication Law Speech

Jim Rosenthal to an American goalie: So what’s an American doing playing in goal for Millwall.

The goalie’s reply: I’m trying to keep the ball out.

Colemanballs

Smile: To expose a portion of one’s skeleton as a gesture of goodwill toward a fellow human.

Definitions

Like having a large wardrobe fall on top of you with the key still in the lock.

Sex

Delegate-At-Large: A man at a convention whose wife didn’t accompany him.

Definitions

Strip Teaser: One who makes a bare living.

Body Definitions Occupations

“The situation is grave,” Tom said cryptically.

Tom Swifties

“I have three houses, and I’m going to buy another,” said Tom forebodingly.

Tom Swifties

Matrimony: A knot tied by a preacher and untied by a lawyer.

Definitions Marriage

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

Rattlesnake: Tattle tail.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

No two people in a car can agree on which window should be open… and how much.

Autos Things

The best way to get over a guy is to get under a new one!

Dating Men Relationships Sex

I wouldn't trust him with my bargepole.

Mixed metaphors

“We’ll need a higher price at auction,” Tom said morbidly.

Tom Swifties

He used to kiss her on her lips, but it's all over now.

Situations

If you are riding a high horse, there ain’t no way to get down off it gracefully.

Characteristics

A veritable land mine of valuable information.

Malaprops

It was so cold… my shadow froze to the sidewalk.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.

Definitions

She is so ugly… when she walks into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly