Author: Anonymous Page 8

 “I’m just going to put these handcuffs on you,” said Tom manically.

Tom Swifties

He was shaking like a 50¢ ladder.

Expressions

“That’s the last time I’ll stick my arm in a lion’s mouth,” the lion-tamer said off-handedly.

Tom Swifties

Chicken: An egg factory.

Animals Definitions

She is so ugly… when she gets up, the sun goes down.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

I can’t make these split-minute decisions.

Mixed metaphors

Husband: A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Been reading up on the thesaurus lately because a mind is a terrible thing to garbage.

Books Communication

“Monaural and quadraphonic systems are exceptions,” said Tom stereotypically.

Tom Swifties

Aftermath: The horrible headache you have when you’ve finished the algebra test.

Definitions

Subsidy: A formula devised by politicians to give you back some of your own money in such a way that you are supposed to think it’s a gift.

Definitions

Angler: A man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers doing nothing because his wife won’t let him do it at home.

Activities Definitions

I get enough exercise just pushing my luck.

Activities Characteristics Exercise

“Is it true that some animals will eat their own babies?” asked Tom literately.

Tom Swifties

They're in the trenches; they're on the horse and they're riding it.

Mixed metaphors

Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Definitions Family

The menu was frozen in the amber of 1973.

Mixed metaphors

Going fast while you are lost won't help a bit.

Science/Weather Situations

Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics.

Animals Definitions

She looks better goin than comin!

Appearance Body Expressions Ugly

“It’s made the grass wet,” said Tom after due consideration.

Tom Swifties