Author: Anonymous Page 80

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

We need to have photographic ears.

Mixed metaphors

Artificial Insemination: Impregnation without representation and procreation without recreation.

Definitions

When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Characteristics Intelligence

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

He could sell socks to a rooster.

Communication Expressions

They think they can do the portrait in one setting.

Malaprops Situations

If your time ain't come, not even a doctor can kill you.

Death Doctors Health Life Situations

“I have to check the score on this exam again,” Tom remarked.

Tom Swifties

Set aside half an hour every day to do all your worrying; then take a nap during this period.

Situations Sleep

Noise: Earitation.

Definitions

Executive: An under-worked, over-paid person who is in over their head.

Definitions Occupations

Amnesty: The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.

Definitions

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

Let’s start at square zero.

Mixed metaphors

Sarcasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the recipient who doesn’t get it.

Communication Definitions

Keep your ear to the grindstone.

Mixed metaphors

Parenthood: Feeding the mouth that bites you.

Definitions Family Parents Wordplay

“I wouldn’t mind going with you to the tennis match,” she said gamely.

Tom Swifties

Bus: A vehicle that runs faster when you run after it and runs slowly when you are inside it.

Definitions Driving

Give a man a match, and he'll be warm for a minute, but set him on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Situations