Author: Anonymous Page 80

That’s a kettle of fish of a different color.

Mixed metaphors

I'm proud of my humility.

Characteristics

There's more than one way to spin a rat.

Malaprops

“I can see through the window,” said Tom stiltedly.

Tom Swifties

“You dance just like Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.

Tom Swifties

She’s a tall drink of water.

Appearance Body Expressions

Ugly as a moose chewin ice

Appearance Expressions Ugly

Secret: Information you tell to one person at a time.

Definitions

Marriage: The mourning after the knot before.

Definitions Marriage

Management: A class of semi-skilled corporate hirelings whose rise within the organization correlates directly with the amount of work they delegate to their more-talented underlings.

Definitions Work

I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me.

Appearance Body Fat

“I still haven’t struck oil,” said Tom boringly.

Tom Swifties

“I used to feed the lions at the zoo,” said Tom offhandedly.

Tom Swifties

“Don’t give me the gears!” said Tom automatically.

Tom Swifties

A rolling stone kills no birds.

Mixed metaphors

Get two birds stoned at once.

Mixed metaphors

A fool and his money is a friend indeed.

Fools Friends Intelligence Money People

Two-minute warning: When your baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.

Definitions

Apartment: A place where the landlord and the tenant are both trying to raise the rent.

Definitions

“I compliment the company that makes the Macintosh computer,” said Tom applauding.

Tom Swifties

Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.

Death Definitions