Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 80
That’s a kettle of fish of a different color.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
I'm proud of my humility.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Humility
Oxymorons
Pride
There's more than one way to
spin a rat.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Skin a cat
“I can see through the window,” said Tom stiltedly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“You dance just like Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
She’s a tall drink of water.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Expressions
Tall
Thin
Ugly as a moose chewin ice
Anonymous
Appearance
Expressions
Ugly
Secret: Information you tell to one person at a time.
Anonymous
Definitions
Secret
Marriage: The mourning after the knot before.
Anonymous
Definitions
Marriage
Management: A class of semi-skilled corporate hirelings whose rise within the organization correlates directly with the amount of work they delegate to their more-talented underlings.
Anonymous
Definitions
Work
Management
I keep trying to lose weight… but it keeps finding me.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Fat
“I still haven’t struck oil,” said Tom boringly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“I used to feed the lions at the zoo,” said Tom offhandedly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“Don’t give me the gears!” said Tom automatically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
A rolling stone kills no birds.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Get two birds stoned at once.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Birds
A fool and his money is a friend indeed.
Anonymous
Fools
Friends
Intelligence
Money
People
Two-minute warning: When your baby’s face turns red and she begins to make those familiar grunting noises.
Anonymous
Definitions
Two-minute warning
Apartment: A place where the landlord and the tenant are both trying to raise the rent.
Anonymous
Definitions
Apartment
“I compliment the company that makes the Macintosh computer,” said Tom applauding.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Funeral: A pageant whereby we attest our respect for the dead by enriching the undertaker, and strengthen our grief by an expenditure that deepens our groans and doubles our tears.
Anonymous
Death
Definitions
Funeral
Page 80 of 161
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