Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 80
College: A fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink.
Anonymous
Definitions
Education
School
College
Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.
Anonymous
Emotions
Love
Marriage
“Emily has put on weight,” said Tom emphatically.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Isn't that an expensive
pendulum
round that woman's neck?
Anonymous
Malaprops
Pendant
Man blames most accidents on fate – but feels a more personal responsibility when he makes a hole-in-one on the golf course.
Anonymous
Golf
Sports
Fate
Hole-in-one
Doctors told me that if my uncle had lived, he most likely would have been a
vegetarian.
Anonymous
Health
Malaprops
Vegetable
Don't beat a dead horse in the mouth.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
She could eat an apple through a picket fence.
Anonymous
Appearance
Expressions
Anonymous
Buck toothed
Teeth
Death: To stop sinning suddenly.
Anonymous
Death
Definitions
Sin
Going fast while you are lost won't help a bit.
Anonymous
Science/Weather
Situations
Lost
Speed
Nepotism: Putting on heirs.
Anonymous
Definitions
Family
Nepotism
“That young insect is male,” said Tom buoyantly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Acquaintance: A degree of friendship called ‘slight’ when its object is poor and ‘intimate’ when he is rich or famous.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Acquaintance
A salesman told viewers that a keyboard would teach your mind's eye to play by ear.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Cannibals are not vegetarians, they are humanitarians.
Anonymous
Food/Drink
People
Cannibals
Humanitarians
Rhetoric: Language in a dress suit.
Anonymous
Definitions
Language
Rhetoric
“I’ve stopped seeing my therapist”, said Tom unshrinkingly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
An economic forecaster is like a cross-eyed javelin thrower: they don’t win many accuracy contests, but they keep the crowd’s attention.
Anonymous
People
Economic forecasters
Economy
Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.
Anonymous
Definitions
Food/Drink
Waffle
His head is so big… he has to step into his shirts.
Anonymous
Appearance
Body
Exaggerations
Ears
If you can't fix it with duct tape you haven’t used enough.
Anonymous
Problems
Situations
Duct tape
Repairs
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