Author: Anonymous Page 80

College: A fountain of knowledge where students gather to drink.

Definitions Education School

Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

Emotions Love Marriage

“Emily has put on weight,” said Tom emphatically.

Tom Swifties

Isn't that an expensive pendulum round that woman's neck?

Malaprops

Man blames most accidents on fate – but feels a more personal responsibility when he makes a hole-in-one on the golf course.

Golf Sports

Doctors told me that if my uncle had lived, he most likely would have been a vegetarian.

Health Malaprops

Don't beat a dead horse in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

She could eat an apple through a picket fence.

Appearance Expressions

Death: To stop sinning suddenly.

Death Definitions

Going fast while you are lost won't help a bit.

Science/Weather Situations

Nepotism: Putting on heirs.

Definitions Family

“That young insect is male,” said Tom buoyantly.

Tom Swifties

Acquaintance: A degree of friendship called ‘slight’ when its object is poor and ‘intimate’ when he is rich or famous.

Definitions People

A salesman told viewers that a keyboard would teach your mind's eye to play by ear.

Mixed metaphors

Cannibals are not vegetarians, they are humanitarians.

Food/Drink People

Rhetoric: Language in a dress suit.

Definitions Language

“I’ve stopped seeing my therapist”, said Tom unshrinkingly.

Tom Swifties

An economic forecaster is like a cross-eyed javelin thrower: they don’t win many accuracy contests, but they keep the crowd’s attention.

People

Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.

Definitions Food/Drink

His head is so big… he has to step into his shirts.

Appearance Body Exaggerations

If you can't fix it with duct tape you haven’t used enough.

Problems Situations