Author: Anonymous Page 81

It's as plain as the egg on your face.

Mixed metaphors

Cravings: An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

Definitions

I.T.: Customer Support without the common sense.

Definitions

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Government Intelligence Law

“It’s a unit of electric current,” said Tom amply.

Tom Swifties

Impossible: What nobody can do until somebody does it.

Definitions

She is so stupid… she took a blood test and failed.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Foresight is knowing when to shut your mouth before someone suggests it.

Communication Speech

Sleet: A slipcover.

Definitions Science/Weather

Tact: The art of saying nothing when there is nothing to say. 

Definitions

Fiddler: A violinist before he becomes the virtuoso.

Definitions Entertainment Music

Executive Shakeup: Title wave.

Definitions

It is so hot… chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

She is so fat… she can't even jump to conclusions.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Oh, for I minute there, I thought I was illuminating.

Malaprops

Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.

Beliefs Intelligence Proverbs Understanding

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

Below: Sing Bass.

Definitions

Statistician: A person who believes that if you put your head in a furnace and your feet in a bucket of iced water, on the average you should feel reasonably comfortable.

Definitions Occupations

He was from Thailand or some other erotic place.

Malaprops Places

Spinster: A lady in waiting.

Definitions People Women