Author: Anonymous Page 81

Adolescent: One who is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

Definitions

Amateur Athlete: An athlete who is paid in cash, not by check..

Definitions

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Beliefs Communication

“Are you all governors?” Tom asked, bored.

Tom Swifties

Motherhood: If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor.

Definitions

Tact: The art of saying nothing when there is nothing to say. 

Definitions

Sanitation Worker: The title conferred on garbage men when they  started earning more than public school teachers.

Definitions Occupations

Congress: A strange forum where people get up and speak, nobody listens, and then everyone disagrees at the top of their lungs.

Congress Definitions Government

Wife Swapping: Sexual fourplay.

Definitions Marriage Sex Wordplay

“I’ve thought of another exception,” Tom rebutted.

Tom Swifties

Husband: A person who is the boss of his house and has his wife’s permission to say so.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Engagement: A period in which a girl is placed in solitaire confinement.

Definitions Marriage

“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.

Tom Swifties

Television: A watching machine.

Entertainment Television

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Proverbs Situations Time

The mosquitoes in Louisiana are so big, they can stand flat foot and screw a chicken!

Animals Exaggerations

Users: Computer users are divided into three types: Novice users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer. Intermediate users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it. Expert users: people who break other people's computers.

Computers Definitions People Things

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions Health

“Yes, I’m amazingly strongly built,” said Tom soberly.

Tom Swifties

Etc.: A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

Definitions

Lecher: A stud with liver spots.

Definitions