Author: Anonymous Page 81

“I’m your mother’s brother’s father-in-law’s son,” Tom related.

Tom Swifties

Many nations adopt a tit for tit policy.

Malaprops

Diet: A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds.

Definitions Food/Drink

Siamese Twins: First person plural.

Definitions People

“The executioner has received the tool he needs”, said Tom with a heavy accent.

Tom Swifties

Taxation: The process by which money is collected from the people to pay the salaries of the men who do the collecting.

Definitions Government Taxes

Bigotry is being certain of something you know nothing about.

Beliefs

“It’s the quotient of two integers,” said Tom rationally.

Tom Swifties

Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.

Definitions

Debts: The certain outcome of an uncertain income.

Definitions Money

Auctioneer: The man who proclaims with a hammer that he has picked a pocket with his tongue.

Definitions Occupations

Never say “Oops” always say “Ah, interesting!”

Communication Mistakes Problems Speech

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake… which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

Education School

Racehorse: A barn athlete.

Animals Definitions Wordplay

Ability: What you have to get by on if you don’t kiss-up to the boss.

Definitions

When you feel that you would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra.

Age Old Young

Girdle: The difference between fact and figure.

Appearance Body Clothing Definitions

Dollar: The jack of all trades.

Definitions

Get a new car for your spouse; it'll be a great trade!

Autos Things

Rhetoric: Language in a dress suit.

Definitions Language

Everyone has the right to be stupid but you’re abusing the priviledge.

Insults Intelligence