Author: Anonymous Page 81

Know-it-all: One who pretends to know something about everything but really knows nothing about anything.

Definitions

“Why shouldn’t I stir my coffee with a ballpoint pen?” Tom bickered.

Tom Swifties

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Intelligence Memory Past

Girdle: The difference between fact and figure.

Appearance Body Clothing Definitions

She is so ugly… she has to trick or treat over the phone.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Honest Politician: One who, when he is bought, will stay bought.

Definitions Government Politicians

“Get out of my hair,” was Tom’s brush-off.

Tom Swifties

Forget that guy – just illiterate him from your memory.

Malaprops

“Orgasms are overrated”, said Tom anticlimactically.

Tom Swifties

Inertia: Tendency of a skier’s body to resist changes in direction or speed due to the action of Newton’s First Law of Motion.

Definitions Science/Weather

Ability: What will get you to the top if the boss has no daughter.

Definitions

Puttering: Woman’s word for man’s work.

Definitions

How long a minute is depends on what side of the bathroom door you're on.

Time

Post Office: U.S. Snail.

Communication Definitions

Dictatorship: A system of government where everything that isn’t forbidden is obligatory.

Definitions Government

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Lemonade Stand: Complicated business venture where Mom buys powdered mix, sugar, lemons, and paper cups, and sets up a table, chairs, pitchers and ice for kids who sit there for three to six minutes and net a profit of fifteen cents.

Definitions

She is so slow… she has to speed up to stop.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

We'll mend that fence when we get to it.

Mixed metaphors

Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?

Communication Language

“You dance just like Fred Astaire,” she said gingerly.

Tom Swifties