Author: Anonymous Page 81

Dirty laundry is coming home to roost.

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

Grandparents: The people who think your children are wonderful even though they’re sure you’re not raising them right.

Definitions Family

 “My parents are called Billy and Nanny,” Tom kidded.

Tom Swifties

The discovery of the preserved bodies “breathed new life into” Arctic exploration.

Mixed metaphors

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

Definitions Money

The writing is on the wall for bookshops.

Mixed metaphors

Dentist: A collector of old magazines.

Definitions Occupations

Survival of the fitness.

Malaprops

Income Tax: The entry fee for the rat race.

Definitions Government Taxes

“I can take photographs if I want to!” Tom snapped.

Tom Swifties

Quit spitting on the handle and get to hoeing.

Expressions Work

The bigger the mouth, the better it looks shut.

Communication Speech

The philosophy exam was a piece of cake… which was a bit of a surprise, actually, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

Education School

“Zoos are a necessary evil, I think,” said Tom cagily.

Tom Swifties

Bank: An institution that will gladly lend you money provided you can prove you don’t need it.

Definitions Money

“I suppose I’ll have to write my name again,” said Tom resignedly.

Tom Swifties

“I’m going to lie in the sun,” said Tom in Basque.

Tom Swifties

Chauffeur: A man who is smart enough to operate an automobile, but clever enough not to own one.

Autos Definitions Things

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Definitions

People are dying like hotcakes.

Mixed metaphors

“I chop down trees for a living,” said Tom lumberingly.

Tom Swifties