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Tailor: An occupation that suits everyone.

Definitions Occupations Work

“I wish I drove a Scandinavian car,” Tom sobbed.

Tom Swifties

Consultant: Someone who borrows your watch then tells you what time it is.

Definitions

I've been mostly camping and living in hostiles.

Malaprops Places

Tomorrow: What always comes but never arrives.

Definitions Future Time

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Definitions Marriage

Hunch: What you call an idea that you’re afraid is wrong.

Definitions

I never liked him and I always will.

Insults

It was so cold… when we milked the cows, we got ice cream.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Blurt: To speak the truth.

Definitions Speech

B-Negative: A pessimist’s blood type.

Definitions

Wink: A whether signal.

Definitions

Highbrow: One whose learning has outstripped his intelligence.

Definitions

Middle Age: When your age starts to show around your middle the art of raising eyebrows instead of the roof. 

Age Definitions

The most dangerous killer in the animals of crime.

Malaprops

Silence is bliss.

Mixed metaphors

Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

Definitions Golf Sports

He is so fat… when his beeper goes off, people think he's backing up.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Hospital: A place where people who are run down wind up..

Definitions

People have the persona that all Texans wear cowboy hats.

Beliefs Malaprops Opinion

Realtor: A man with lots to sell.

Definitions Occupations Wordplay