Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 82
Deluxe: Mediocre in a big way.
Anonymous
Definitions
Deluxe
Honest Politician: One who, when he is bought, will stay bought.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Politicians
Honest Politician
If he were alive today, he’d be turning over in his grave.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
When a man goes on a date, he wonders if he is going to get lucky… a woman already knows.
Anonymous
Dating
Men
People
Sex
Women
As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.
Anonymous
Accidents
Age
Beliefs
Old
Falling
Market Correction: The day after you buy stocks.
Anonymous
Definitions
Market Correction
Neurotic: A person who, when you ask how she is, tells you.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Neurotic
Assmosis: The process by which some people seem to absorb success and advancement by kissing up to the boss rather than working hard.
Anonymous
Definitions
Assmosis
He is so old… I told him to act his own age, and he died.
Anonymous
Age
Exaggerations
Old
Vuja de: The feeling you've never been here.
Anonymous
Definitions
Vuja de
Set aside half an hour every day to do all your worrying; then take a nap during this period.
Anonymous
Situations
Sleep
Naps
Worries
Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.
Anonymous
Definitions
Bisexual
“That painting makes me laugh”, Tom articulated.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
If winners never quit, and quitters never win, what idiot came up with quit while you're ahead?
Anonymous
People
Situations
Quitters
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“Boy, I wish the elevator were working,” said Tom, staring up to the top.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
… since God's dog was a pup
Anonymous
Expressions
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a long time ago
“The jelly is 50% set”, Tom affirmed.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Depression: A period during which we have to get along without the things our grandparents never dreamed of.
Anonymous
Definitions
Money
Past
Time
Depression
If a job’s worth doing, make sure you delegate it to the right person.
Anonymous
Work
Delegating
“I insist on naming the first male insect”, said Tom adamantly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
A stitch in time saves a poke in the eye with a wet fish.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
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