Author: Anonymous Page 82

I wouldn’t be caught dead there with a ten-foot pole.

“Why don’t you have some fruit?”, asked Tom with aplomb.

“I used to feed the lions at the zoo,” said Tom offhandedly.

An injured friend of his was going to receive back pay radioactively.

Beware geeks bearing scripts.

Flatterer: One who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

“It’s not fair!” said Tom darkly.

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.

Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.

Borrower: A person who always wants to be left a loan.

Profanity: The father tongue.

If you are riding a high horse, there ain’t no way to get down off it gracefully.

Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Umbrella: A shelter for one and a shower for two.

“I’d like to make a toast,” Tom said warmly.

“I just got a job putting up steel girders!” Tom beamed.

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

If worse comes to shove

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave.

Let’s not open that can of worms until we get this one nailed down.

Gigolo: A fee-male.