Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 82
I wouldn’t be caught dead there with a ten-foot pole.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“Why don’t you have some fruit?”, asked Tom with aplomb.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“I used to feed the lions at the zoo,” said Tom offhandedly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
An injured friend of his was going to receive back pay
radioactively.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Money
Time
Retroactively
Beware geeks bearing scripts.
Anonymous
Reviews/Criticism
Headline to a film review of “Troy”
Flatterer: One who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.
Anonymous
Definitions
Flatterer
“It’s not fair!” said Tom darkly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.
Anonymous
Definitions
Compromise
Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.
Anonymous
Definitions
Hallucination
Borrower: A person who always wants to be left a loan.
Anonymous
Definitions
Borrower
Profanity: The father tongue.
Anonymous
Communication
Definitions
Language
Speech
Profanity
If you are riding a high horse, there ain’t no way to get down off it gracefully.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Conceit
Self importance
Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.
Anonymous
Accidents
Body
Mind
Problems
Umbrella: A shelter for one and a shower for two.
Anonymous
Definitions
Things
Umbrella
“I’d like to make a toast,” Tom said warmly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“I just got a job putting up steel girders!” Tom beamed.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Neighbors
If worse comes to shove
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave.
Anonymous
People
Sex
Hookers
Prostitutes
Let’s not open that can of worms until we get this one nailed down.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Gigolo: A fee-male.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
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