Author: Anonymous Page 82

Like having a large wardrobe fall on top of you with the key still in the lock.

Sex

Due process of elimination

Mixed metaphors

“Now I can do some painting,” said Tom easily.

Tom Swifties

Among the many remedies that won’t cure a cold, the most common is advice.

Beliefs Health

Dentist: man who lives from hand to mouth.

Definitions Occupations

The whole ball of worms

Malaprops

Run your kite up the flagpole

Mixed metaphors

“Don’t call me a oddball,” Tom replied evenly.

Tom Swifties

Hole-In-One: An occurrence in which a ball is hit directly from the tee into the hole on a single shot by a golfer playing alone.

Definitions Golf Sports

“I write elevator music,” Tom noted.

Tom Swifties

Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.

Activities Definitions Games

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

She is so fat… at the zoo, the elephants throw peanuts at her.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“I’ve only enough carpet for the hall and landing,” said Tom with a blank stare.

Tom Swifties

Coach: A fellow who will gladly lay down your life for the school.

Definitions

To avoid misunderstanding, I’ll stop speaking formal English and just use the binocular.

Communication Language Malaprops

Delegate-At-Large: A man at a convention whose wife didn’t accompany him.

Definitions

It was time to get my act in gear.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m wearing my wedding ring,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

Tissue: Your daily nosepaper.

Definitions Wordplay

Woman: A creature who is either making a fool out of man, or making a man out of a fool.

Definitions People