Author: Anonymous Page 82

Diet: A brief period of starvation followed by a gain of five pounds.

There's a pot of gold at the end of the tunnel.

His car is so expensive the radiator requires Perrier.

“That young insect is female,” said Tom gallantly.

Home: The place where you can scratch any place you itch.

Collection: A church function in which many take but a passing interest.

Don't put all your chickens in one basket.

The walls of medieval cathedrals were supported by flying buttocks.

I'm sweating like a stuck pig.

Limit: Maximum number of a particular fish that an angler can take in a day. This number varies from place to place and species to species, but it is a largely theoretical restriction with little practical application.

“These propulsion systems were used by NASA on moon rockets,” said Tom apologetically.

She's tall enough to go duck huntin' with a rake.

“Eating uranium can cause strange effects,” said Tom brightly.

Doctor: Someone who practices medicine but charges as if he knew.

Year: The exact length of time that will pass from the day you get married to the day you forget your first anniversary.

Set aside half an hour every day to do all your worrying; then take a nap during this period.

“We have no oranges,” Tom said fruitlessly.

Make no delusions about the past!

Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

When you boil it down to its nuts and bolts

Small Town: Where everybody knows what everybody else is doing, and all buy the weekly newspaper to see how much the editor dares to print.