Author: Anonymous Page 82

I wouldn’t be caught dead there with a ten-foot pole.

Mixed metaphors

“Why don’t you have some fruit?”, asked Tom with aplomb.

Tom Swifties

“I used to feed the lions at the zoo,” said Tom offhandedly.

Tom Swifties

An injured friend of his was going to receive back pay radioactively.

Malaprops Money Time

Beware geeks bearing scripts.

Reviews/Criticism

Flatterer: One who says things to your face that he wouldn’t say behind your back.

Definitions

“It’s not fair!” said Tom darkly.

Tom Swifties

Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everyone believes he has the biggest piece.

Definitions

Hallucination: A belief owned exclusively by one person.

Definitions

Borrower: A person who always wants to be left a loan.

Definitions

Profanity: The father tongue.

Communication Definitions Language Speech

If you are riding a high horse, there ain’t no way to get down off it gracefully.

Characteristics

Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Body Mind Problems

Umbrella: A shelter for one and a shower for two.

Definitions Things

“I’d like to make a toast,” Tom said warmly.

Tom Swifties

“I just got a job putting up steel girders!” Tom beamed.

Tom Swifties

Neighbors: The strangers who live next door.

Definitions People

If worse comes to shove

Mixed metaphors

When a guy goes to a hooker, he's not paying her for sex, he's paying her to leave.

People Sex

Let’s not open that can of worms until we get this one nailed down.

Mixed metaphors

Gigolo: A fee-male.

Definitions Wordplay