Author: Anonymous Page 83

“For goodness sakes, use a broom,” Tom bristled.

Tom Swifties

The lining's always more silver on the other side of the cloud.

Mixed metaphors

When I ask what time it is – I don't need to know how the watch is built.

Communication Expressions Speech

Statesman: An ex-politician who has mastered the art of holding his tongue.

Communication Definitions Politicians Speech

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Government Intelligence Law

Shakespeare: A man whose writings are so excellent it’s believed someone else must have written them.

Definitions

Keep your nose up!

Mixed metaphors

“I know what herb would taste nice with this,” said Tom sagely.

Tom Swifties

I’ll be on him like a wild dog on a ham.

Expressions

Chickens: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

Animals Definitions Eating Food/Drink

He's going up and down like a metronome.

Malaprops

A falling nozzle will turn toward you and land on its trigger.

Problems Things

Teachers: United Mind Workers.

Definitions Education Wordplay

“Yes, we have no bananas,” Tom said fruitlessly.

Tom Swifties

I'm sweating like a stuck pig.

Mixed metaphors

Man blames most accidents on fate – but feels a more personal responsibility when he makes a hole-in-one on the golf course.

Golf Sports

He is so fat… his driver's license says, “picture continued on other side.”

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

“I have to wear this cast for another six weeks,” said Tom disjointedly.

Tom Swifties

Lawsuit: A contest generally won by the party that can afford to reimburse the lawyers on both sides of the dispute.

Definitions Law Lawyers

An Englishman considers himself a self-made man, and thereby relieves the Almighty of a dreadful responsibility.

England People Places

As much fun as shooting monkeys in a barrel.

Mixed metaphors