Author: Anonymous Page 83

Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument.

Definitions People

“I cut off the bottoms of my Levis so they won’t drag on the ground,” said Tom hygienically.

Tom Swifties

“Elvis is dead,” said Tom expressly.

Tom Swifties

He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Life Money

Don't do the crime if you can't get out the kitchen.

Mixed metaphors

Antique Shop: A junk store that has raised its prices.

Definitions

“I’ve borrowed my sister’s camping gear,” said Tom insistently.

Tom Swifties

Vegetarian: Indian word for bad hunter.

Definitions

Can't find his ass with two hands and a flashlight

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

A carpenter was the low rung on a totem pole.

Mixed metaphors

Dad says the monster is just a pigment of my imagination.

Malaprops

Consultant: A jobless person who shows executives how to work.

Definitions

Liberal: Someone who feels a great debt to his fellow man, which debt he proposes to pay off with your money.

Beliefs Characteristics Definitions

“I invested in a hi-tech startup,” Tom ventured.

Tom Swifties

Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.

Definitions People

“Take me to the dance,” Mary bawled.

Tom Swifties

I'm hungry enough to eat cats and dogs.

Mixed metaphors

Farmer: A man who is outstanding in his field.

Definitions Wordplay

Friend: Someone who thinks you’re a good egg even though you’re slightly cracked.

Definitions Friends People

Housewarming: The last call for wedding presents.

Definitions