Author: Anonymous Page 83

In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s pheasants.

Malaprops People Poverty

He received a decease and desist order.

Malaprops

Reform: To gain or lose weight.

Appearance Body Definitions

He is not the sharpest cookie in the jar.

Mixed metaphors

What he lacks in intelligence, he makes up for in stupidity.

Insults Intelligence Stupidity

Class Reunion: A gathering where you come to the conclusion that most of the people your own age are a lot older than you are.

Age Definitions

“This flower’s empty,” the drone said belatedly.

Tom Swifties

Accountant: Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

Definitions Occupations

Dyselxics Have More Nuf.

Communication Health Language

“My cat George is my dearest friend,” Tabitha purred.

Tom Swifties

I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Communication Health Language Reading/Writing

Going fast while you are lost won't help a bit.

Science/Weather Situations

Babysitter: One who accepts hush money.

Definitions

War without France would be like… World War II.

Conflict Places War

VD: The gift that keeps on giving.

Definitions Health

We need to look the 800-pound gorilla in the mouth

Mixed metaphors

“I have to wear this cast for another six weeks,” said Tom disjointedly.

Tom Swifties

“It’s made the grass wet,” said Tom after due consideration.

Tom Swifties

Motherhood: If it was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor.

Definitions

She's uglier than homemade soap.

Miscellaneous

She is so old… she was the waitress at the last supper.

Age Exaggerations Old