Author: Anonymous Page 84

As proud as pea soup.

Economist: One who takes a lot of unwarranted assumptions and reaches a foregone conclusion.

I have my doubts about disbelief.

Hey, watch this!

Friend: Someone who thinks you’re a good egg even though you’re slightly cracked.

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Compromise: A deal in which two people get what neither of them wanted.

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

“He’s a boring chap,” said Tom indulgently.

“This is the fastest way to get drunk,” said Tom quixotically.

Neighbors: The only people who listen to both sides of an argument.

Incest is relatively boring.

“I think we were cheated,” Tom recounted.

Window: A looking-out glass.

Keep paying the electricity bill.

I guess I threw a cog in the wrench.

Some people sail through life on a bed of roses like a knife slicing through butter.

Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good.

Parents: People who bear infants, bore teenagers, and board newlyweds.

She tried to use reverse psychiatry on me.

Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.