Author: Anonymous Page 84

I have taken many of God's blessings for granite.

Malaprops

She's so skinny, she has to run around in the shower to get wet.

Appearance Body Expressions

That's putting the chicken before the cart.

Mixed metaphors

Vacation: A change of routine that makes you feel good enough to go back to work and poor enough to have to.

Definitions

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

Etiquette: The noise you don’t make while eating soup.

Definitions

“I invested in a hi-tech startup,” Tom ventured.

Tom Swifties

You dug your bed, you lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

Looting: A public shopping spree generously sponsored by local merchants in the wake of a riot.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

Let's make sure we're all talking off the same sheet of music.

Mixed metaphors

Manicurist: A girl who makes money hand over fist.

Definitions Occupations Work

Waffle: A pancake with a nonskid tread.

Definitions Food/Drink

“I wouldn’t mind going with you to the tennis match,” she said gamely.

Tom Swifties

America: A nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there.

America Definitions Places

You have to walk before you can swim.

Mixed metaphors

Small Town: Where everybody is interested in what the Joneses will name the latest baby, while a big city is where they worry about what the zoo will call the new elephant.

Definitions Places

Cooperation can only be reached if we work together.

Work

Convict: The only person who likes to be stopped in the middle of a sentence.

Crime Definitions

We all have our own legs to pull.

Mixed metaphors

The less one has to do, the less time one finds to do it.

Murphy’s Laws Time

“I’m wearing my wedding ring,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties