Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 84
“Oops! There goes my hat!” said Tom off the top of his head.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Smoking like a sieve
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Smoking
She’s not the toughest cookie on the block.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Reformer: One who wants his conscience to be your guide.
Anonymous
Definitions
Reformer
99 times out of ten, that's what you'll get.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
I'm a nervous basket.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Nervous
A year ago Gerald Ford was unknown throughout America; now he’s unknown throughout he world.
Anonymous
People
Gerald Ford
Notoriety
Crazier than a dog in a hubcap factory
Anonymous
Expressions
Crazy
Performance is directly affected by the perversity of inanimate objects.
Anonymous
Murphy’s Laws
Success
Things
Inanimate objects
She is so ugly… when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.
Anonymous
Appearance
Exaggerations
Ugly
Any attempt to print Murphy's laws will jam the printer.
Anonymous
Murphy’s Laws
Problems
Printers
The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
Anonymous
Murphy’s Laws
Bread
Butter
Puberty: The awkward age when a child is too old to say something cute and too young to say something sensible.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Puberty
Education: A progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
Anonymous
Definitions
Education
My dog licked the crumbs out of my computer keyboard and earned an online college degree.
Anonymous
Animals
Dogs
Education
Whenever you hear the word
save
, it is usually the beginning of an advertisement designed to make you spend money.
Anonymous
Communication
Language
Money
There are lots of reasons to love a horse, sometime it's no more than the sweet little way he stepped on some asshole's foot.
Anonymous
Animals
Horses
Job: A place where you work just hard enough to avoid getting fired while getting paid just enough to avoid quitting.
Anonymous
Definitions
Work
Job
Amnesty: The state’s magnanimity to those offenders whom it would be too expensive to punish.
Anonymous
Definitions
Amnesty
Loved Ben, hated Hur.
Anonymous
Reviews/Criticism
“Ben Hur”
“Parsley, sage, rosemary,” said Tom timelessly.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
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