Author: Anonymous Page 84

I’ll get it by hook or ladder.

Mixed metaphors

“I’m not going to give up anything this Easter,” said Tom relentlessly.

Tom Swifties

Stroke: Any forward movement of the golf club that is made with the intention of hitting and moving the ball and is observed by another golfer.

Definitions Golf Sports

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

Busier than a puppy in room full of rubber balls.

Expressions

Minister: A travel agent for the straight and narrow.

Definitions

Fish: An animal that grows fastest between the time it is caught and the time a fisherman describes it to his friends.

Activities Animals Definitions

“I’m trying to get some air circulating under the roof,” said Tom fanatically.

Tom Swifties

They are crumbling at the seams.

Mixed metaphors

Telephone: A contrivance for letting us talk to people whom we don’t want to meet.

Definitions Things

Too many skeletons in her background

Mixed metaphors

Courtship: A period during which a girl decides whether or not she can do better.

Definitions Relationships

What are you incinerating?

Malaprops

Monogamy: A marriage system in which subscribers are requested to return one wife before taking another.

Definitions Marriage

Urinalysis: The study of pissed off people.

Definitions Health Wordplay

She's as headstrong as an allegory on the banks of Nile.

Characteristics Malaprops

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

Husbands Marriage

Cravings: An excuse to gluttonize your way through pregnancy.

Definitions

Cannibal: Someone who is fed up with people.

Definitions

“Oops! There goes my hat!” said Tom off the top of his head.

Tom Swifties

Democracy: A system whereby the person who never votes can cuss out the man the other people elected.

Definitions Democracy Elections/Voting Government