Author: Anonymous Page 84

“It has zero height, zero width, and just a little depth,” said Tom, stretching the point.

Tom Swifties

He’s a bad influenza on me.

Malaprops

Let's not put all of our cookies in a basket.

Mixed metaphors

Get a new car for your spouse; it’ll be a great trade!

Autos Marriage Things

Drama Critic: A person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

Definitions Occupations Reviews/Criticism

“I make the armor out of chain links,” Tom replied by mail.

Tom Swifties

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Death

I dropped the toothpaste,” said Tom, crestfallen.

Tom Swifties

Too many skeletons in her background

Mixed metaphors

Righteous Indignation: Your own wrath, as opposed to the shocking bad temper of others.

Anger Definitions Emotions

Truck Driver: A man who has the opportunity to run into so many nice people.

Definitions Occupations

Efficiency Expert: A man who knows less about your business than you do and gets paid more for telling you how to run it than you could possibly make out of it, even if you ran it right instead of the way he told you to.

Definitions

Disneyland: A people trap operated by a mouse.

Definitions

Like having a large wardrobe fall on top of you with the key still in the lock.

Sex

“I have writer’s block,” said Tom contritely.

Tom Swifties

House: Domicile purchased by married couples so they have some place to pour all their money.

Definitions

Let's do this in one foul sweep.

Malaprops

He was watching me like I was a hawk.

Mixed metaphors

I just asked you what time it was, not how a watch works.

Communication Expressions

He is so fat… when he joined Overeaters Anonymous and they make him a chapter.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Middle Age: A time of life when winking at a girl is closing one eye to reality.

Age Definitions