Author: Anonymous Page 85

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

Wind: Weather on the go.

Definitions Science/Weather

I am sure I have done everything in my power since I exploded the affair.

Malaprops

He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.

Expressions

As we consider the road that unfolds before us.

Mixed metaphors

Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics.

Animals Definitions

Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife.

Definitions Women

The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.

Entertainment Marriage Sex Television

“I’m not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting,” said Michelangelo insistently.

Tom Swifties

Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.

Definitions People

Small Town: Where everybody is interested in what the Joneses will name the latest baby, while a big city is where they worry about what the zoo will call the new elephant.

Definitions Places

Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.

Conflict Crime People

If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.

Insults Intelligence

Don’t cast swine before bears.

Mixed metaphors

“It’s the quotient of two integers,” said Tom rationally.

Tom Swifties

“If I let go of the ceiling it will collapse,” Tom upheld.

Tom Swifties

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Activities Beer Food/Drink

Middle Age: When your age starts to show around your middle the art of raising eyebrows instead of the roof. 

Age Definitions

Government Bureau: Where the taxpayer’s shirt is kept.

Definitions Government Taxes

He's so thin he had to stand twice in the same place to make a shadow.

Miscellaneous

Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

Murphy’s Laws Science/Weather