Author: Anonymous Page 85

Let’s split the baby with the bathwater.

Mixed metaphors

Diet: A system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

Definitions Food/Drink

Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.

Definitions People

As the smoke clears at the devastated detention centre, an investigation reveals how officials ignored the warnings that they were sitting on a powder keg.

Mixed metaphors

Aussie Kiss: Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

Definitions Sex

Manager: Someone who doesn’t know how to do your job, who tells you how to do your job.

Definitions People Work

Death: A breath-taking experience.

Death Definitions

Never believe anything until it's been officially denied.

Beliefs Communication

Heirloom: Some old thing nobody liked well enough to wear out.

Definitions Things

Twins: Infant replay.

Children Definitions Family

She could eat an apple through a picket fence.

Appearance Expressions

Ambiguity: The lack of clarity in speech… or perhaps, something else.

Definitions

A censor has the peculiar faculty of banning just what we want to hear, see,

Occupations Work

Free Verse: Verse written without rhyme or reason.

Definitions Reading/Writing

She's so fat… when she goes to a restaurant, she doesn't get a menu, she gets an estimate.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Maps: The shorthand of geography.

Definitions

Forger: A man who is always ready to write a wrong.

Definitions

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest.

Mixed metaphors

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

It is better to be on penicillin, than never to have loved at all.

Emotions Love

Collection: A church function in which many take but a passing interest.

Definitions