Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Thursday, April 3, 2025
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Author: Anonymous Page 85
Falsies: A hope chest.
Anonymous
Body
Clothing
Definitions
Falsies
Wind: Weather on the go.
Anonymous
Definitions
Science/Weather
Wind
I am sure I have done everything in my power since I
exploded
the affair.
Anonymous
Malaprops
Exposed
He’d gripe with a ham under each arm.
Anonymous
Expressions
Complain
Gripe
As we consider the road that unfolds before us.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Ant: A small insect that, though always at work, still finds time to go to picnics.
Anonymous
Animals
Definitions
Ant
Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife.
Anonymous
Definitions
Women
Bimbo
The Three Ages of Marriage: Twenty is when you watch the TV after; Forty is when you watch the TV during; Sixty is when you watch the TV instead.
Anonymous
Entertainment
Marriage
Sex
Television
The Three Ages of Marriage
“I’m not leaving the chapel until I finish this painting,” said Michelangelo insistently.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Sistene Chapel
Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Ingrate
Small Town: Where everybody is interested in what the Joneses will name the latest baby, while a big city is where they worry about what the zoo will call the new elephant.
Anonymous
Definitions
Places
Small town
Don't worry if you're a kleptomaniac, you can always take something for it.
Anonymous
Conflict
Crime
People
Kleptomaniacs
If idiots could fly, this would be an airport.
Anonymous
Insults
Intelligence
Don’t cast swine before bears.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
“It’s the quotient of two integers,” said Tom rationally.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
“If I let go of the ceiling it will collapse,” Tom upheld.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
Anonymous
Activities
Beer
Food/Drink
Fishing
Middle Age: When your age starts to show around your middle the art of raising eyebrows instead of the roof.
Anonymous
Age
Definitions
Middle age
Government Bureau: Where the taxpayer’s shirt is kept.
Anonymous
Definitions
Government
Taxes
Government Bureau
He's so thin he had to stand twice in the same place to make a shadow.
Anonymous
Miscellaneous
Other expressions
Thin
Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.
Anonymous
Murphy’s Laws
Science/Weather
Bills
Checks
Mail
Speed
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