Author: Anonymous Page 86

“This flower’s empty,” the drone said belatedly.

Tom Swifties

Oaf: An old fashioned jerk.

Definitions People

Golf can best be defined as an endless series of tragedies obscured by an occasional miracle.

Golf Sports

Absence makes the heart go wander.

Malaprops

Man blames most accidents on fate – but feels a more personal responsibility when he makes a hole-in-one on the golf course.

Golf Sports

Dollar: The jack of all trades.

Definitions

Regardless of their age, most folks are not as old as they hope to be.

Age Old

“I can see you,” peeped Tom with his hands over his eyes.

Tom Swifties

Fishing: A delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

Activities Definitions

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

They burnt the midnight candle to resolve the issues.

Mixed metaphors

Butt: The body part that every item of clothing makes “look bigger.”

Appearance Body Definitions

It's like pulling hen's teeth.

Mixed metaphors

Antique: An item your grandparents bought, your parents got rid of,  and you're buying again.

Definitions Things

It is so hot… I saw two trees fighting over a dog.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

“Have some shampoo,” was Tom’s unconditional offer.

Tom Swifties

Insanity: Grounds for divorce in some states; grounds for marriage in all

Definitions Marriage

Fewer and fewer in between

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

Activities Definitions Sleep

“I work at a bank,” said Tom tellingly.

Tom Swifties

Plan to be spontaneous… tomorrow.

Characteristics Time