Author: Anonymous Page 87

Egotist: A conceited ass who thinks he knows as much as you do.

Definitions Intelligence People Self

Phillips Screwdriver: Used  to round off Phillips screw heads.

Definitions Things

Middle Age: That time of life when you'd rather not have a good time than recover from it. 

Age Definitions

Abstract Art: The proof that things are not as bad as they are painted to be.

Art Definitions Entertainment

Tomorrow: What always comes but never arrives.

Definitions Future Time

Abstinence is a good thing, but it should be practiced in moderation.

Sex

“I’m trying to get some air circulating under the roof,” said Tom fanatically.

Tom Swifties

She don’t have the sense God gave a gopher.

Miscellaneous

Busier than a moth in a mitten!

Expressions Situations

Centaur: A man with a horse where his pants ought to be.

Definitions

He is so stupid… it takes him an hour to cook Minute Rice.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

Historian: An editor of yesterday’s news.

Definitions History Occupations Time Work

If you love someone, set them free. If they come back, they’re probably broke.

Emotions Love Money

Censor: A person who sticks his noes into other people’s business.

Definitions

Nepotism: A form of favoritism – relatively speaking.

Definitions Family

People will blow smoke and mirrors at you.

Mixed metaphors

The lining's always more silver on the other side of the cloud.

Mixed metaphors

Belong: To take your time.

Definitions

Summer Camps: Those places where little boys go for mother’s vacation.

Activities Definitions

“Yes, I’m amazingly strongly built,” said Tom soberly.

Tom Swifties

Whistle: Wind having a narrow escape.

Definitions