Author: Anonymous Page 87

“Boy, I wish the elevator were working,” said Tom, staring up to the top.

Tom Swifties

The only difference between a “hair stylist” and a regular barber is the price.

Occupations Work

Detour: Something that lengthens your mileage, diminishes your gas, and strengthens your vocabulary.

Activities Definitions Travel

Hero: One who is afraid to run away.

Definitions

He is so fat… he can't even jump to a conclusion.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Debt: A trap which a man sets and baits himself, and then deliberately gets into.

Definitions Money

False Pregnancy: Laboring under a misconception.

Definitions

Dermatologist: Person who makes rash judgments.

Definitions Doctors Health

Boat: A hole in the water surrounded by wood into which one pours money.

Definitions Things

Alphabet: A toy for children found in books, blocks, pictures, and some soup.

Communication Definitions Language

“Some day, people will be able to file lawsuits against computers,” said Tom soothingly.

Tom Swifties

The most important decision is that of excepting Jesus in your life.

Malaprops

“I prefer trout to salmon,” Tom said officiously.

Tom Swifties

Tact: The art of knowing how far one may go too far.

Communication Definitions

I can read him like the back of my book.

Mixed metaphors

Efficiency Expert: A man smart enough to tell you how to run your business and too smart to start his own.

Definitions

Announce: Thirty grams or a sixteenth of a pound.

Definitions Wordplay

Doctor: A man who suffers from good health.

Definitions Doctors

If things get any better, I may have to hire someone to help me enjoy it.

Characteristics Expressions Situations

Ventriloquist: A man who never speaks for himself.

Communication Definitions Speech

Rejoinder: Married his ex.

Definitions Marriage