Author: Anonymous Page 87

Misconception: A pregnancy occurring while taking birth control pills.

Definitions

“I’m wearing a ribbon round my arm,” said Tom with abandon.

Tom Swifties

Education: One of the few things a person is willing to pay for and not get.

Definitions Education

Diet: A system of starving yourself to death so you can live a little longer.

Definitions Food/Drink

If you put his brain in a gnat's butt, it would fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

“The seesaw is upside down,” said Tom saucily.

Tom Swifties

Survival of the fitness.

Malaprops

Kinky is using a feather; perverted is using the whole chicken.

Sex

Statistician: One who knows which numbers to use in any eventuality.

Definitions Occupations

“I have three houses, and I’m going to buy another,” said Tom forebodingly.

Tom Swifties

He’s so lazy, he’d marry a pregnant woman.

Characteristics Expressions

We may never know exactly how much others know about us, but we can always suspect it.

People Self

“This game is foul,” Tom groused.

Tom Swifties

Forget that guy – just illiterate him from your memory.

Malaprops

Science Fiction: Fairy tales for nerds.

Communication Definitions Science/Weather

Worst case Ontario.

Malaprops

“I make the armor out of chain links,” Tom replied by mail.

Tom Swifties

Swingin' my legs from a dime

Expressions

Love is a matter of chemistry; sex is a matter of physics.

Emotions Love Sex

“Don’t give me the gears!” said Tom automatically.

Tom Swifties

It's on the tip of my frontal lobotomy.

Mixed metaphors