Author: Anonymous Page 87

Union: A dues-paying club workers wield to strike management.

Definitions Work

“My wife is going to have a test tube baby”, Tom injected artificially.

Tom Swifties

"Let's gather up the rope," said Tom coyly.

Tom Swifties

They'll never buy the cow if they can get the eggs for free.

Mixed metaphors

My husband could have had any women he pleased – he just couldn't please any!

Husbands Marriage Women

You've put your finger right on the nail.

Mixed metaphors

Historians: People who won’t let bygones be bygones.

Definitions History Occupations Time

Tact: The knack of making a point without making an enemy.

Communication Definitions

Damp weather is very hard on the sciences.

Malaprops

It will have a special time on our plate.

Misspokements

Friend: A person who listens attentively while you say nothing.

Definitions Friends People

District of Columbia: A territory bounded on all sides by the United States of America.

Definitions Places

I realized I was dyslexic when I went to a toga party dressed as a goat.

Communication Health Language Reading/Writing

A man's home is his castle – let him clean it.

Mixed metaphors

Yawn: Opening one’s mouth and wishing that others would close theirs.

Definitions

Gold Digger: A girl who will date any man that can pass the asset test.

Definitions Money People Women

The trees taunt you; the sand mocks you; the water calls your name… and they say golf is a quiet game.

Golf Sports

“I’ve got another @#$%*! insect in my pants”, said Tom adamantly.

Tom Swifties

“This food tastes of plutonium,” said Tom glowingly.

Tom Swifties

Atomic Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

Definitions

“My compliments to the company that makes the Macintosh computer”, said Tom applaudingly.

Tom Swifties