Author: Anonymous Page 87

Diagnosis: A physician’s forecast of the disease by the patient’s pulse and purse.

Definitions Health

“You find it very large?” said Mr. Podsnap, spaciously

Tom Swifties

It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial costs and blamed it on the high cost of living.

Money

Due process of elimination

Mixed metaphors

Some drink at the fountain of knowledge; others just gargle.

Alcohol Intelligence People

“I’ve thought of another exception,” Tom rebutted.

Tom Swifties

Mother-in-law: A woman who destroys her son-in-law’s peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.

Definitions Family

Farmer: A handy man with a sense of humus.

Definitions Wordplay

The guy literally flew down the stairs!

Malaprops

Life: A continuous series of disasters which result in one’s death.

Death Definitions Life

When it comes to paying, he’s the first to put his hand in his pocket… and leave it there.

Frugal Money

You're like a dog barking down the wrong well.

Mixed metaphors

To avoid misunderstanding, I’ll stop speaking formal English and just use the binocular.

Communication Language Malaprops

There's a pot of gold at the end of the tunnel.

Mixed metaphors

Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Body Mind Problems

“I teach economics at the university,” Tom professed.

Tom Swifties

Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Something wrong with your eyes?”

Age Definitions

Spanking: To impress upon the mind from the bottom up.

Definitions

Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

Definitions

Flirt: A girl who got the boy you wanted.

Definitions

Makeup: What it takes to look natural.

Appearance Definitions