Author: Anonymous Page 87

Xylophone: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums."

Definitions Entertainment Music

It is so hot… the cows arre giving evaporated milk.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

Run it up the flag pole and see what sticks.

Mixed metaphors

“I can’t be bothered,” said Tom carelessly.

Tom Swifties

Aren't you ever tired of having yourself around?

Insults

“I’m a broken man,” Tom cracked.

Tom Swifties

Stock Market: A popular game of chance in which moneyed speculators gamble with the nation’s economy, the object being to amass as much unearned income as possible before one’s fellow gamblers withdraw from the game and precipitate a nationwide depression.

Definitions Money

We need to look the 800-pound gorilla in the mouth

Mixed metaphors

Electrician: A person who wires for money.

Definitions Occupations Work

Clergyman: A man who undertakes the management of our spiritual affairs as a method of bettering his temporal ones.

Definitions Occupations

It's on the tip of my frontal lobotomy.

Mixed metaphors

A boy becomes a man when he stops asking his father for an allowance and requests a loan.

Children Family

“I’ve joined the Airborne Medical Corps,” said Tom paradoxically.

Tom Swifties

Centimeter: A parking meter that takes pennies.

Definitions

Dust: Mud with the juice squeezed out.

Definitions

Balanced Diet: A cookie in each hand.

Definitions

Venereal Disease: Germs of endearment.

Definitions Health

Forty: The most difficult age for a woman to pass; it often takes years.

Age Definitions

It's hard to be nostalgic when you can't remember anything.

Emotions Memory Past

Keepsake: Something given us by someone we’ve forgotten.

Definitions Things

Kill two cats with one bag.

Mixed metaphors