Author: Anonymous Page 87

Capital Punishment: Killing people who kill people to prove that killing people is wrong.

Crime Death Definitions Killing

Highbrow: One whose learning has outstripped his intelligence.

Definitions

You’ll never be as lazy as whoever named the fireplace.

Characteristics

Bachelor: A guy who is footloose and fiancee-free.

Definitions Men People

“The exit is right there,” Tom pointed out.

Tom Swifties

Abbreviation: An inordinately long word in light of its meaning.

Communication Definitions Language

Mouse: An advanced input device to make computer errors easier to generate.

Computers Definitions Things

“The bank doesn’t want me as a customer,” said Tom unaccountably.

Tom Swifties

Please excuse Timmy from school Friday. He has very loose vowels.

Health Malaprops

“I won’t tell you anything about my salivary glands,” said Tom secretively.

Tom Swifties

Nobody who can read is ever successful at cleaning out the attic.

Situations

Everyone has the right to be stupid but you’re abusing the priviledge.

Insults Intelligence

You hit the nail on the dot.

Mixed metaphors

Caterpillar: An upholstered worm.

Animals Definitions

Television Programming: Material that fills the time between commercials.

Definitions Entertainment

Destiny: A tyrant’s authority for crime and a fool’s excuse for failure.

Definitions Future Time

Congress: A body of men brought together to slow down the government.

Congress Definitions Government

Arsonist: A person who sets the world on fire… at least in a small way.

Definitions

I can't answer that – it's out of my water.

Mixed metaphors

As proud as pea soup.

Mixed metaphors

You’d be a overweight neurotic fighter too if your name was Shirley Crabtree.

Sports