Author: Anonymous Page 88

She’s so ugly she makes onions cry.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

“By convention!” cussed Tom airily.

Tom Swifties

Don't count all your eggs in one basket.

Mixed metaphors

She is so fat… at the zoo, the elephants throw peanuts at her.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Adolescence is the best substitute ever invented for experience.

Age

Divorce: A splitting headache.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Highbrow: One whose learning has outstripped his intelligence.

Definitions

Smile, it’s the second best thing you can do with your lips.

Activities

Accordionated: Being able to drive and refold a road map at the same time.

Definitions Wordplay

Yearbook: A book of pictures that get nerdier with time.

Definitions

Virus: A Latin medical term meaning, “Your guess is as good as mine.”

Definitions Health

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Medical Insurance: What allows people to be ill at ease.

Wordplay

She really stuck her neck out on a limb.

Mixed metaphors

Diaphragm: A muscular partition separating disorders of the chest from disorders of the bowels.

Body Definitions Health

Heredity: What a man believes in until his son begins to behave like a delinquent.

Definitions Family

“Watch this insect sail through the air,” said Tom flippantly.

Tom Swifties

Consultant: Someone who takes a subject you understand and makes it sound confusing.

Definitions

Pessimist: A person who looks at a doughnut and sees nothing but the hole.

Definitions

Bisexual: A person who pays for sex.

Definitions

“I’ve an urgent appointment,” said Tom in Russian.

Tom Swifties