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Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Children Definitions Family

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Definitions

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? … because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

Health

“My friend and I steal things together,” Tom corroborated.

Tom Swifties

Conference: An organized way of postponing a decision.

Definitions

You could just charm the dew off of a honey suckle.

Expressions

Infinity – where no-one can get, but where all lines meet.

Science/Weather

Businessman: One who could have made more money with less trouble in an easier line.

Definitions Occupations

Bad Driver: The person you run into.

Autos Definitions Things

Zigzag: The shortest distance between two drinks.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Definitions

Don't stand behind a coughing cow.

Miscellaneous Proverbs

Sterile Solution: Vasectomy.

Definitions

Coach: A fellow who will gladly lay down your life for the school.

Definitions

The intention is to get a jumpstart on it.

Mixed metaphors

“OK, you can borrow it again,” Tom relented.

Tom Swifties

“You don’t see the point, do you?” asked Tom, stabbing in the dark.

Tom Swifties

My husband was chosen as a wheelbarrow for his friend's funeral.

Malaprops

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

Life Proverbs

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Death

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations