Author: Anonymous Page 88

Quiet: A state of household serenity which occurs before the birth of the first child and occurs again after the last child has left for college.

Sunburn: Getting what you basked for.

Do you know why they call it 'PMS'? … because 'Mad Cow Disease' was already taken.

“My friend and I steal things together,” Tom corroborated.

Conference: An organized way of postponing a decision.

You could just charm the dew off of a honey suckle.

Infinity – where no-one can get, but where all lines meet.

Businessman: One who could have made more money with less trouble in an easier line.

Bad Driver: The person you run into.

Zigzag: The shortest distance between two drinks.

Bliss: Having no idea what is really happening.

Don't stand behind a coughing cow.

Sterile Solution: Vasectomy.

Coach: A fellow who will gladly lay down your life for the school.

The intention is to get a jumpstart on it.

“OK, you can borrow it again,” Tom relented.

“You don’t see the point, do you?” asked Tom, stabbing in the dark.

My husband was chosen as a wheelbarrow for his friend's funeral.

Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7th of your life.

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.