Author: Anonymous Page 89

She’s so ugly… when she entered an ugly contest the judges said, "No professionals."

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

Confidence: What you have before you understand the problem.

Definitions

Dog Pound: A used cur lot.

Definitions

Heir Fare: Executor’s fee.

Definitions Wordplay

“Once again, I read it on Wikipedia,” Tom recited.

Tom Swifties

He is so old… his social security number is 6.

Age Exaggerations Old

Babysitter: A teenager you pay $7 an hour to eat $20 worth of snacks.

Definitions

Cardiology: The study of poker playing.

Activities Definitions

Behold, this very day, I have interceded another letter from the fellow.

Malaprops

“It only looks like cocaine,” Tom snorted.

Tom Swifties

“Ouch! When I get stung, I want revenge,” said Tom begrudgingly.

Tom Swifties

The early bird gathers no moss.

Mixed metaphors

Hey, watch this!

Death Definitions Last words

My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

Housework Work

My wife has just two complaints: first, she’s got absolutely nothing to wear and second, she’s run out of closet space to keep it in.

Appearance Clothing Wives

“Pass me the shellfish,” said Tom crabbily.

Tom Swifties

Everyone seems normal until you get to know them.

People

Forger: The man who gives a check a bad name.

Definitions

“That’s more or less correct,” Tom said roughly.

Tom Swifties

Always try to be modest… and be VERY proud of it!

Characteristics

“I’ve still got two fingers left,” said Tom handsomely.

Tom Swifties