Author: Anonymous Page 89

Originality: Undetected plagiarism.

Definitions

Distant Relative: One who can be very distant – especially when he has lots of money.

Definitions Family

Director: The one who always faces the music.

Definitions Music

I'm traveling incoherent.

Malaprops

Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.

Definitions Places

Famous Last Words: “This is easy.”

Death Definitions

Good Sport: One who will always let you have your own way.

Definitions

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Definitions Wordplay

Judge: A lawyer who once knew a politician.

Definitions Government Law

“I couldn’t believe there were 527,986 bees in the swarm!” Tom recounted.

Tom Swifties

Keep your ear to the grapevine.

Mixed metaphors

America: A nation that conceives many odd inventions for getting somewhere but can think of nothing to do when it gets there.

America Definitions Places

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.

Girls People Wordplay

It’s like pulling the teeth from a hen.

Mixed metaphors

It is so flat, you can stand on a milk crate and watch your dog run away for three days.

Expressions Places

The first known case of a rat joining a sinking ship.

Insults

Everybody had some antidotes to tell.

Malaprops Speech

Insurance: A form of gambling in which we bet our chance of escaping disaster, and win only when we lose.

Definitions

Bigamist: A man who keeps two himself.

Definitions Marriage

Dirty laundry is coming home to roost.

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

Take Home Pay: An amount of money which is called that because it is never big enough to go anywhere else with it.

Definitions Money