Author: Anonymous Page 9

“There’s room for one more,” Tom admitted.

Tom Swifties

It's like pulling hen's teeth.

Mixed metaphors

You’ve buttered your bread, now lie in it.

Mixed metaphors

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Definitions

Can't find his ass with two hands and a flashlight

Expressions Intelligence Stupidity

The only people who listen to both sides of a family quarrel are the next-door neighbors.

People

Luxury Resort: One where a waiter expects a $2 tip when he presents a $6 bill for serving a $3.50 bottle of beer.

Definitions

Budget: An attempt to live below your yearnings.

Definitions

Democracy is the counting of heads, regardless of the contents.

Democracy Elections/Voting Government

American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.

America Definitions Places

Smuggler: One who neglects his duty to his country.

Definitions Wordplay

Stomach: The home of the swallow.

Definitions

You have to walk before you can swim.

Mixed metaphors

Keep your ear to the grindstone.

Mixed metaphors

The intention is to get a jumpstart on it.

Mixed metaphors

You're pulling my leg over my eyes.

Mixed metaphors

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

Sports

Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.

Definitions People

Running around like children with their heads cut off

Mixed metaphors

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Activities Definitions Driving Occupations

It is so dry… I caught a catfish that had ticks on him.

Exaggerations Science/Weather