Author: Anonymous Page 9

From that book suppository building…

Malaprops

Budget: An orderly system of living beyond your means.

Definitions

“I’ll take that”, said Tom appropriately.

Tom Swifties

Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.

Characteristics Men People Women

That will round out the triangle.

Mixed metaphors

Revolutionary: An oppressed person waiting for the opportunity to become an oppressor.

Definitions

“You find it very large?” said Mr. Podsnap, spaciously

Tom Swifties

Beauty parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.

Definitions

He was recently diagnosed with prostrate cancer.

Health Malaprops

Toupée: Top secret.

Definitions

He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

Emotions Intelligence Laughter Thinking

“I find you guilty,” said the judge with conviction.

Tom Swifties

Men are like lawnmowers: they’re hard to get started, emit noxious odors and half the time they don’t work.

Men People

Alcohol: A liquid good for preserving everything except secrets.

Alcohol Definitions Food/Drink

Gardening: Man’s effort to improve his lot.

Activities Definitions

You continue to cloudy the water.

Mixed metaphors

“Some day, people will be able to file lawsuits against computers,” said Tom soothingly.

Tom Swifties

You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.

Success

Bimbo: Any woman to whom you pay a compliment, while in the company of your wife.

Definitions Women

Tact: The ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Definitions

That was the last hump on the camel.

Mixed metaphors