Author: Anonymous Page 9

Taxpayer: A person who has the government on his payroll.

Definitions Government Taxes

Vacation: A period during which people find out where to stay away from next year.

Definitions

Show me an archaeologist, and I’ll show you a man who practices skull drudgery.

Science/Weather Wordplay

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

Avoidance: A dance for people who hate each other.

Definitions

“Everything Albert says is so obvious”, said Tom altruistically.

Tom Swifties

I understand that Congress has taken the first step in the fight against air pollution: limiting the speeches to five minutes.

Congress Government

“I’m concerned about the number of people not attending,” said Tom absentmindedly.

Tom Swifties

It's time to step up to the plate and cut the mustard.

Mixed metaphors

What is the probability that something will happen according to the odds?

Uncategorized

Electrocution: Burning at the stake with all modern improvements.

Death Definitions

John Hurt looks like Joan of Arc, after she's burnt at stake.

Appearance Insults

My husband and I have a monotonous relationship.

Malaprops Relationships

Trojan Horse: A phony pony.

Definitions

She is so stupid… when you said it was chilly outside she went and got a bowl.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

He is so fat… when he gets his shoes shined he has to take the man's word for it.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

A gentleman is a man who can play the accordion but doesn’t.

People

“Sorry about that butt call,” he said cheekily.

Tom Swifties

The scripts needs to be kept in sink.

Malaprops

Adage: To become older.

Definitions

Fanatic: One who, having lost sight of his goal, redoubles his efforts.

Definitions People