Author: Anonymous Page 9

Automation takes more people to correct the mistakes.

Mistakes Problems

Not enough to say grace over.

Expressions Food/Drink

Where there's a will, there's an inheritance tax.

Death Government Language Taxes

The coffee has burned my face! I'm going to be distorted!

Appearance Malaprops

Stomach: The home of the swallow.

Definitions

Falsies: A hope chest.

Body Clothing Definitions

Xylophone: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums."

Definitions Entertainment Music

The only time the world beats a path to your door is when you are in the bathroom.

Places Situations World

These felled trees are the beavers’ handiwork!

Mixed metaphors

Dolphins are so smart that within a few weeks of captivity, they can train people to stand on the very edge of the pool and throw them fish?

Animals

“I chop down trees for a living,” said Tom lumberingly.

Tom Swifties

“No, I haven’t read Voltaire,” said Tom candidly.

Tom Swifties

Democracy is the counting of heads, regardless of the contents.

Democracy Elections/Voting Government

Old Age: When you wink at a girl and she says, “Something wrong with your eyes?”

Age Definitions

Multitasking means screwing up several things at once.

Mistakes Problems

“I hate math,” Tom added.

Tom Swifties

Death is nature’s way of saying “Howdy.”

Death

Isn't it nice to not have to look over our backs anymore?

Mixed metaphors

Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets

Expressions Fools Intelligence Stupidity

It is so hot… chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

Exaggerations Heat Science/Weather

“This flower’s empty,” the drone said belatedly.

Tom Swifties