Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Author: Anonymous Page 9
“There’s room for one more,” Tom admitted.
Anonymous
Tom Swifties
It's like pulling hen's teeth.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Difficult
You’ve buttered your bread, now lie in it.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.
Anonymous
Definitions
Bridegroom
Can't find his ass with two hands and a flashlight
Anonymous
Expressions
Intelligence
Stupidity
The only people who listen to both sides of a family quarrel are the next-door neighbors.
Anonymous
People
Arguments
Neighbors
Luxury Resort: One where a waiter expects a $2 tip when he presents a $6 bill for serving a $3.50 bottle of beer.
Anonymous
Definitions
Luxury Resort
Budget: An attempt to live below your yearnings.
Anonymous
Definitions
Budget
Democracy is the counting of heads, regardless of the contents.
Anonymous
Democracy
Elections/Voting
Government
American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.
Anonymous
America
Definitions
Places
Smuggler: One who neglects his duty to his country.
Anonymous
Definitions
Wordplay
Smuggler
Stomach: The home of the swallow.
Anonymous
Definitions
Stomach
You have to walk before you can swim.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Keep your ear to the grindstone.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
The intention is to get a jumpstart on it.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
You're pulling my leg over my eyes.
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.
Anonymous
Sports
Skiing
Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.
Anonymous
Definitions
People
Philanthropist
Running around like children with their heads cut off
Anonymous
Mixed metaphors
Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.
Anonymous
Activities
Definitions
Driving
Occupations
Bus Driver
It is so dry… I caught a catfish that had ticks on him.
Anonymous
Exaggerations
Science/Weather
Dry
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