Author: Anonymous Page 9

“There’s room for one more,” Tom admitted.

It's like pulling hen's teeth.

You’ve buttered your bread, now lie in it.

Bridegroom: A man who is amazed at the outcome of what he thought was a harmless little flirtation.

Can't find his ass with two hands and a flashlight

The only people who listen to both sides of a family quarrel are the next-door neighbors.

Luxury Resort: One where a waiter expects a $2 tip when he presents a $6 bill for serving a $3.50 bottle of beer.

Budget: An attempt to live below your yearnings.

Democracy is the counting of heads, regardless of the contents.

American: One who gets mad when a foreigner curses the institutions he curses.

Smuggler: One who neglects his duty to his country.

Stomach: The home of the swallow.

You have to walk before you can swim.

Keep your ear to the grindstone.

The intention is to get a jumpstart on it.

You're pulling my leg over my eyes.

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

Philanthropist: One who returns to the people publicly what he steals from them privately.

Running around like children with their heads cut off

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

It is so dry… I caught a catfish that had ticks on him.