Author: Anonymous Page 9

You’re the sort of person Dr. Spooner would have called a shining wit!

Insults

 “My parents are called Billy and Nanny,” Tom kidded.

Tom Swifties

Fashion: A make-work program to get women to buy new clothes for no real reason before the old clothes wear out.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

People who wear glass slippers shouldn't kick stones.

Mixed metaphors

Many nations adopt a tit for tit policy.

Malaprops

Growing up the trellis were pink and yellow concubines.

Malaprops

As we consider the road that unfolds before us.

Mixed metaphors

Unabated: A fishhook without a worm.

Definitions

“The lion has its head caught in the skylight,” said Tom uproariously.

Tom Swifties

Discretion: When you are sure you are right and then ask your wife.

Definitions

“I can eat one hundred and forty-four,” Tom boasted grossly.

Tom Swifties

Close the barn door after you've led the horse to water.

Mixed metaphors

No one is listening until you make a mistake.

Communication Mistakes Problems

Dog: An intelligent four-footed animal who walks around with an idiot on the end of his leash.

Animals Definitions Dogs

If worse comes to shove

Mixed metaphors

Expert: A person who has made all the mistakes that can be made in a very narrow field.

Definitions

I used to be indecisive; but now I'm not sure.

Characteristics Situations

Life: A sexually transmitted disease with 100% fatality rate.

Definitions Life

Dog Kennel: A barking lot.

Animals Definitions Dogs

“I didn’t do well in the test,” Tom said degradedly.

Tom Swifties

“I think I’ll use a different font,” said Tom boldly.

Tom Swifties