Author: Anonymous Page 9

Proud as a dog with two tails

Characteristics Expressions

He received a decease and desist order.

Malaprops

Prostitute: A busy body.

Definitions

Never put all your eggs in one omelet.

Mixed metaphors

Men are like textbooks: you have to spend a lot of time between the covers to gain a small amount of satisfaction.

Books Education Men People Reading/Writing

The scripts needs to be kept in sink.

Malaprops

Ingrate: A man who bites the hand that feeds him, and then complains of indigestion.

Definitions People

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Health

Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.

Activities Definitions Games

Even if you gave him poison he wouldn't die until he'd recovered the deposit on the bottle.

Frugal Money

To make the drawers work better, rub them with paraphernalia.

Malaprops

Out of the mouths of babes come things parents never should have said.

Children Communication Family Speech

Taxpayer: One who doesn’t have to pass a civil service exam to work for the government.

Definitions Government Taxes Work

Diplomat: A person who thinks twice before saying nothing.

Definitions

Bookie: A pickpocket who lets you use your own hands.

Definitions

“Ought I to do this?” asked Tom with a shudder.

Tom Swifties

“Sorry, what I said was a no-brainer?” asked Tom absentmindedly.

Tom Swifties

Egotist: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

Definitions

“I’m going to be intestate,” said Tom unwillingly.

Tom Swifties

Kidney: A complex organ used to convert beer into urine.

Beer Definitions Food/Drink

Nothing makes a fish bigger than almost being caught.

Activities Honesty Lies