Author: Anonymous Page 90

She is so fat… when you tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

You need more sugar to get your brain circulating.

Mixed metaphors

Impotence: Emission impossible.

Definitions Sex

Psychology: The care of the id by the odd.

Definitions Health Science/Weather

Post Office: U.S. Snail.

Communication Definitions

Our ship was caught in a typhoid.

Malaprops

Marital Freedom: The liberty that allows a husband to do exactly that which his wife pleases.

Marriage

The doctor felt the man's purse and thought it was awfully low.

Health Malaprops

We are proud to be part of a ground-breaking initiative.

Mixed metaphors

Step up to the plate and pick up the gauntlet.

Mixed metaphors

“Once upon a time there was a beautiful princess,” Tom began grimly.

Tom Swifties

A boy becomes a man when he stops asking his father for an allowance and requests a loan.

Children Family

Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

Definitions Science/Weather

He is so ugly… robbers give him their masks to wear.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

“I am not full of hot air,” Tom belched.

Tom Swifties

Teenagers: Those old enough to know everything.

Age Definitions

Budget: An orderly system of living beyond your means.

Definitions

“That’s price-fixing!” said Tom caustically.

Tom Swifties

Yacht: A floating debt.

Definitions

He’d steal flies from a blind spider.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

The only thing wrong with being an atheist is that there's nobody to talk to during an orgasm.

Beliefs Religion Sex