Author: Anonymous Page 90

Hors d'oeuvres: A sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

Definitions Food/Drink

Theres no grass burning under this project.

Mixed metaphors

Adolescents: People who never seem to realize that one day they will be as dumb as their parents.

Age Definitions

“I’ve stopped seeing my therapist”, said Tom unshrinkingly.

Tom Swifties

Caffeine: One of the four basic food groups.

Definitions Food/Drink

“It’s the quotient of two integers,” said Tom rationally.

Tom Swifties

Streams of pilgrims, old and young… flood towards the river to worship.

Mixed metaphors

Statistician: Someone who is good with numbers, but lacks the personality to be an accountant.

Definitions Occupations Work

“I’m burning aromatic substances,” said Tom, incensed.

Tom Swifties

Before arguing with your boss, make absolutely sure you’re right – then let the matter drop.

Beliefs

That's putting the chicken before the cart.

Mixed metaphors

Where would we be without rhetorical questions?

Communication

Lawyer: A fellow who is willing to go out and spend your last cent to prove he’s right.

Definitions Lawyers

The only reason she made it to the top was because her clothes didn't.

Appearance Body Clothing Success

Don't count your chickens until you see the whites of their eyes.

Mixed metaphors

Birthday: Anniversary of one’s birth, observed only by men and children.

Age Definitions

I wouldn’t speak to her if I met her in hell and she was carrying ice.

Expressions Insults Opinion

Couldn’t find his rear with his hands in his back pockets

Expressions Fools Intelligence Stupidity

Obscenity is whatever gives the judge an erection.

Law Sex

“Getting rid of acid is easy,” said Tom basically.

Tom Swifties

We drove a stake in the stand.

Misspokements