Author: Anonymous Page 90

“I want a motorized bicycle,” Tom moped.

Tom Swifties

Wind: Weather on the go.

Definitions Science/Weather

Accident: A thing that is caused by people, but often causes people.

Accidents Definitions Problems

You can lead a gift horse to water but you can't look him in the mouth.

Mixed metaphors

Bull Market: A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.

Definitions

“I told you not to ride that horse,” Tom nagged.

Tom Swifties

Actions speak louder than words — but not so often.

Communication

Xylophone: Small toy musical instrument often given as gifts to children who show their appreciation by playing the stupid thing constantly, over and over, all day long; see also "drums."

Definitions Entertainment Music

Government Bureau: Where the taxpayer’s shirt is kept.

Definitions Government Taxes

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Characteristics Money

“You find it very large?” said Mr. Podsnap, spaciously

Tom Swifties

Alibi: Slip cover.

Definitions

You look like you have been drug through a knot hole backwards.

Appearance Expressions

Groom: Least important member of wedding party, whose only duties are to show up on time, remember the ring, and try not to be drunk.

Definitions Husbands Marriage

Sex is like snow; you never know how many inches you’re going to get or how long it will last.

Sex

I guess I threw a cog in the wrench.

Mixed metaphors

It was so cold… pickpockets were sticking their hands in strangers' pockets to keep warm.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Percussive Maintenance: Striking a recalcitrant piece of electronic hardware in order to facilitate a successful reboot, and repeating as necessary.

Definitions Failure Problems Things

Honeymoon: A short period of doting between dating and debting.

Definitions Marriage

Quartet: Four men, all of whom think that the other three can’t sing.

Definitions Entertainment

“I am removing the lining of my gloves,” Tom deferred.

Tom Swifties