Author: Anonymous Page 91

The less a person knows, the more he wants to tell it.

Fools Intelligence

Cabinet Maker: Counter fitter.

Definitions Occupations

Bachelor: A man who has faults he doesn’t know about.

Definitions Men People

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Activities Beer Food/Drink

“Boy, will I give you a haircut!” said Tom barbarously.

Tom Swifties

It’s the best thing since sliced Spam.

Mixed metaphors

Humility: The ability to act ashamed when you tell people how wonderful you are.

Definitions

Waddya expect him to say, entray voose?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops

Depression: A period in which you have no belt to tighten.

Definitions Frugal Money

“I haven’t had any tooth decay yet,” said Tom precariously.

Tom Swifties

If someone told him to haul ass he'd have to make six trips.

Appearance Body Expressions Fat

Youth: A good substitute for experience.

Age Definitions Young

Know-it-all: One who pretends to know something about everything but really knows nothing about anything.

Definitions

Jury: A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.

Definitions

Bore: A person who has nothing to say and says it.

Definitions

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

Donuts: The only non-negotiable element to a successful meeting.

Definitions

It was so cold… the politicians had their hands in their own pockets.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Aussie Kiss: Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

Definitions Sex

“I guess she fell off the motorcycle,” said Tom ruthlessly.

Tom Swifties

Logic: The art of going wrong with confidence.

Definitions