Author: Anonymous Page 91

Let's bury this dead horse.

Mixed metaphors

“This pencil tip is dull,” she said pointedly.

Tom Swifties

Bigamist: A man who makes the same mistake twice.

Definitions Marriage

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

Legend: A lie that has attained the dignity of age.

Beliefs Definitions Honesty Lies

He looks like a bag of antlers.

Appearance Body Expressions

“But a totalitarian government could remove all trace of my ever having existed!” said Tom unpersonably.

Tom Swifties

I wish I could play my normal game… just once.

Golf Sports

Lawyer: A fellow who is willing to go out and spend your last cent to prove he’s right.

Definitions Lawyers

“I like camping,” said Tom intently.

Tom Swifties

“He’s a boring chap,” said Tom indulgently.

Tom Swifties

Boy: A noise with dirt on it.

Definitions People

Mixed Company: What you are in when you think of a story you can’t tell there.

Definitions People

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case; coincidence?

Alcohol Beer Food/Drink

“I write elevator music,” Tom noted.

Tom Swifties

Teenagers: Those old enough to know everything.

Age Definitions

“The phone reception here is excellent,” he said clearly.

Tom Swifties

Cigarette: A bit of tobacco with a fire at one end and a fool at the other.

Definitions

This is up my wheelhouse.

Mixed metaphors

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

Sex

Good Neighbor: A fellow who smiles at you over the back fence, but doesn’t climb it.

Definitions