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College: A four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone.

Definitions Education School

Taxpayer: A person who has the government on his payroll.

Definitions Government Taxes

Etiquette is the noise you don’t make while having soup.

Characteristics

Oh, for I minute there, I thought I was illuminating.

Malaprops

He’s not only turning grey, he has a receiving hairline!

Malaprops

Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens, and everybody disagrees later on.

Definitions

Graduate School: The place where a young scholar goes off his Dad’s payroll – and on to his wife’s.

Definitions Education School

Engagement: A period in which a girl is placed in solitaire confinement.

Definitions Marriage

“I was adopted,” said Tom transparently.

Tom Swifties

They’re diabolically opposed.

Malaprops

Forty: The most difficult age for a woman to pass; it often takes years.

Age Definitions

“It’s the quotient of two integers,” said Tom rationally.

Tom Swifties

He was engaged to a contortionist, but she broke it off.

Communication Relationships Wordplay

Childish Games: Those at which your wife beats you.

Activities Definitions Games

Tact: The ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Definitions

The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

Characteristics

She is going to join the gym to lose some weights.

Activities Exercise Misspokements

Ambulance: A vehicle used to show lawyers where the accident is.

Definitions

There's light at the end of this rainbow.

Mixed metaphors

Cuddling: An act of warmth and affection that a husband will inevitably interpret as foreplay.

Definitions

If a job’s worth doing, make sure you delegate it to the right person.

Work