Author: Anonymous Page 92

He is so old… his social security number is 6.

Age Exaggerations Old

You can take that to the bank and smoke it.

Mixed metaphors

Willy-Nilly: Impotent.

Miscellaneous

Conscience: An inner voice that warns us somebody is watching.

Definitions

Take a flying hike.

Mixed metaphors

Sewing Circle: Where friendship hangs by a thread.

Definitions Friends Wordplay

You hit the nail right on the nose.

Mixed metaphors

In the nineteenth century, life was hard for Europe’s pheasants.

Malaprops People Poverty

Center Of Mass: The Priest.

Definitions

She is so fat… the police told her to break it up.

Appearance Exaggerations Fat

Youth: That brief period, as distinguished from childhood or middle age, when the sexes talk to each other at a party.

Age Definitions People Young

Cartoon: What’s sung when driving your car.

Definitions

Linguist: A person who can be misunderstood in many languages.

Communication Definitions Language

Sympathy: What one usually gives to a friend or relative when he doesn’t want to lend him money.

Definitions Emotions

Waiter: A guy who believes money grows on a tray.

Definitions Occupations Work

Bachelor: A man who can get out of bed from either side.

Definitions Marriage Men People

“Hey, what’s it worth if I help you escape from prison?” asked Tom contemptuously.

Tom Swifties

If you are going to try cross-country skiing, start with a small country.

Sports

“So, it’s a duel you want!” Tom shot back.

Tom Swifties

Bank Robber: A guy who gets alarmed easily.

Definitions

The only way to entertain some folks is to listen to them.

Communication Conversation Entertainment Speech