Author: Anonymous Page 92

Experience: Something you don’t get until just after you needed it.

Definitions

Democracy: A small hard core of common agreement, surrounded by a rich variety of individual difference.

Definitions Democracy Government

Before I start speaking, I'd like to say something.

Misspokements Speech

Voting: A process of standing in line for the opportunity to help decide which party will spend your money.

Definitions

Poise: The act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.

Definitions

Once the toothpaste is out of the tube, it's too late to close the barn door.

Mixed metaphors

Parents are embarrassed when their children tell lies, and even more embarrassed when they tell the truth.

Children Communication Family Honesty Lies Speech Truth

[Marriage] is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.

Marriage

I don't want to step on your thunder.

Mixed metaphors

It was so cold last night I had to throw another blanket on the fire.

Mixed metaphors

Punctuality: The art of guessing correctly how late the other party is going to be.

Definitions Time

Marching to the beat of a dead horse

Mixed metaphors

Rummage Sale: Where you buy stuff from somebody else’s attic to store in your own.

Activities Definitions Shopping Things

If you put his brain in a gnat's butt, it would fly backwards.

Miscellaneous

“I’m a lot taller than I was yesterday,” said Tom gruesomely.

Tom Swifties

Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids.

Children Family Sex Wordplay

Toupée: Top secret.

Appearance Definitions Hair

Nepotism: A form of favoritism – relatively speaking.

Definitions Family

Contraceptives: What Protestants use on all conceivable occasions.

Definitions

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

Definitions Money

Tissue: Your daily nosepaper.

Definitions Wordplay